


Undercover Bonder

by romanticblossom



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Force Bond Shenanigans, Force Shenanigans, The Force is crazy with this one, You've been warned, author loves soft emo hours, ben and rey are tired of....everything, by several different people, caught skyping, caught skyping/forcebonding, plot starts soft and shy and then it is a punch, several times
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-12
Updated: 2019-03-18
Packaged: 2019-08-21 06:30:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 47,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16571417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romanticblossom/pseuds/romanticblossom
Summary: Rey doubts if she wants to be a Jedi as the war between the Resistance and the First Order continues. Her bond with Ben Solo only worsens her confusion, even more when she realizes he also questions his choices.But when her friends realize the two are connected, that’s when it gets complicated.-----A series of moments between Rey and Ben as time runs towards the final battle between their sides.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, everyone! 
> 
> So, this was the first Star Wars fic that wrote itself in my head as soon as I came out of the theaters when I watched The Last Jedi. I spent a few weeks thinking about this, moments Ben and Rey would have if their bond wasn't closed after TLJ plus a (crazy) plot to resolve the war/Force aspect of it all.
> 
> I have........ SO MANY other fics in my head (and in actual paper), Modern AU ones, Canon turned Modern AU (TBA) which is why I took so long to publish this one. But PHEW I'm finellay getting one of the them out there!
> 
> Most of this fic is already (hand)written and some of it is typed down- except for the final chapters. But I will still take some time posting the chapters because I have to edit them. 
> 
>    
> And finally, I wanna thank SO VERY MUCH my beta Sarah (@bergersteen on twitter) and my counselor, from plot to grammar and everything in between, Nicki (@notnicorette on twitter) that hasn't even watched the sequel triology (yet) but helps me so much all the time, believe me she had a hand in every chapter of this. So thank you both ;)
> 
>  
> 
> God bless y'all and Enjoy!

Being a Jedi is like starvation.

No, scratch that, after endless studying she knew it was exactly like living on Jakku.

A constant state of being without having, searching without getting, and sleeping without resting. No desire, no fear, no anger, no passion, just the bold and primal goal to exist in a chaotic universe.

Rey despised Jakku.

She had finally gathered courage to leave the place, but then she found herself there again. It was frustrating to say the least. The scavenger knew everything about surviving in a desert; she learned what isolation and hunger brought and it wasn’t peace.

After 2 years, Rey didn’t wonder if she could be a Jedi, she wondered if she wanted it. It was absurd to think that, yet-

A war loomed over her friends.

And as it claimed her, it pushed all doubts away. Dissatisfaction didn‘t matter when the entire galaxy needed her abilities.

_What a contradiction, hypocrisy, that you can’t even love the people you’re fighting for_ , her tired mind would whisper sometimes.

_Compassion is unconditional love_ , she’d reply to it. But the acrid taste of starvation stayed on her tongue.

Kylo Ren only made her frustration worse. It was as if he or, more disturbingly, the Force chose the exact moment doubt gnawed the most. Then there he appeared, tempting her with everything the Jedi books frowned upon.

He didn’t need to utter a word. His face filled with pain and conflict, his full lips and dark hair were enough to send her plunging in a red sea of fury and longing. Rey despised herself for her feelings, which drove her further and further away from the cool and detached soul she should be.

(Nothing was more efficient at that than the forbidden words her heart would stammer late at night, when sleep clouded her brain and his presence left an aching imprint.

Maybe she could have _a friend, a love, a family, a home._ )

But all of that, the conflict, the self hatred, the resentment towards Kylo; as much as they were frustrating they still were nothing compared to what would come next.

Because for months the Last Jedi and the Supreme Leader pretended enmity was still an option for them. They chose mutual disregard as they moved on with their lives and plans to destroy the other’s side.

But their Bond was more stubborn than the two of them together.

And two years was a very long time.


	2. The Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you again Sarah (@bergersteen on twitter) and Nicki (@notnicorette on twitter) for all your indispensable help :)

_It was the little things._

* * *

 

“Can you just-” she hissed, pressing her lips together, “-move.”

He turned around to face her not believing his own ears. He hadn’t heard her voice in weeks.

With the clench of her jaw and the glance directed at the space behind him, Kylo guessed he must have materialized in front of a passageway, or a door.

Rey could try to walk through him, but he figured that the possibility of slamming into his chest was less appealing than asking him to get out of her way.

So, without a word, he took two steps to the right, and she reached into her closet and pulled a clean beige undertunic. She slammed the door shut, twirled around and didn’t glance back at him.

 

* * *

 

“Rey, pass me the salt; I can’t reach it,” Finn said a few minutes after Rose stood up from her seat between them to get more caf.

Without looking away from her plate, she grabbed the salt shaker and extended her arm towards her friend who sat at the other end of the bench.

A little too late, the corner of her eyes picked up movement and a black figure. Rey let out a yelp and whipped her head around in time to catch Kylo let out a shaky breath.

They stared at each other in shock as her fist transfixed his Force apparition. Ben looked at her wrist, marveling how it didn’t even tickle. Her shoulders relaxed but soon another pressing matter came to mind. How did she miss the echo and booming silence of their connection?

“You’re always too entranced with your food to notice,” he replied, responding to the words that never left her mouth.

The Jedi wrinkled her forehead. The bond kept changing its rules, even when she thought she already understood them.

And what did he mean by _always_?

“Rey?”

She blinked then turned to Poe, who, unbeknownst to him, sat across from the Supreme Leader of the First Order.

“…is everything okay there?” the pilot asked with a faltering smirk.

She opened and closed her mouth before focusing back on the man beside her. But he wasn’t there anymore and Finn sat on the other side watching her with wide eyes.

“I- I-” She shook her head and pointed the salt shaker towards her friend, so he would finally take it. “It was just a bug.”

Finn poured salt on his food without taking his focus off Rey. “A bug? Are you-” he turned back to his breakfast when he realized a white mountain of powder grew on top of it. He placed the shaker on the table. “Are you sure?”

Rey swallowed hard and nodded, turning her attention to her plate. “A big one.”

Finn and Poe exchanged a look before the latter lightened the mood and chuckled. “The last Jedi is afraid of mosquitos… I’m feeling specially protected right now.”

 

* * *

 

“I’m certain this is high on your list of concerns, Supreme Leader.” Hux’s nasally voice dripped with sarcasm as he folded his hands behind his back and raised his chin. “We’ve got word on the Resistance location.”

Kylo paused. The General never hid that his ruler’s lack of… ferocity displeased him. There were planets to conquer and rebels to eradicate, yet months into his government Kylo Ren seemed to be content leaving things as they were.

“By all means, General, do keep me waiting,” he snapped back, cutting Hux’s calculating stare.

Armitage held up his hand, revealing the datapad he carried. “Our Outer Rim agents decided to be useful and filed a fascinating report today.” He handed the device to Kylo. “Apparently they traced a considerable amount of illegal weaponry tradings to the Hoth System. Our analysts ran the data, the numbers are too high to be insignificant.”

He glanced at Kylo as the dark-haired man analyzed the text Hux presented.

“Supreme Leader, if I may give my input: the Hoth System is uninhabited, without valuable resources to be stolen. If the reports are to be credited, the number of weapons being handled either belong to the Resistance or another band of ragged insurgents."

The other man just continued reading the files in silence, knowing Hux’s opinion to be true, when a familiar echo rang in his ears.

“What are your orders?”

He couldn’t give them. Not when he lifted his head and the first thing he saw was her.  
For a minute time stopped because he allowed himself to stare at Rey. This earned raised eyebrows on her end since they had a silent agreement to ignore each other at all costs. But still, he didn’t stop.

He didn’t stop because he noticed she didn’t wear any coats. Or boots. No scarfs, no furs, her fingers didn’t tremble, and her nose wasn’t red. By the time the Jedi was clenching her teeth and ignoring him as their usual tango went, Ben had realized she wasn’t anywhere as cold as Hoth.

Problem was, what would the universe have him do with that piece of inconvenient information?

“Sir?”

Kylo turned to Hux, who again glanced him up and down, gears turning and coup plans running through his mind.

The Jedi killer shoved the datapad in Armitage’s chest and pivoted on his heels, his black cape licking the General’s shins as he moved. “Send a survey team to confirm it.”

 

Somewhere in the Unknown Regions the last Jedi wiped her sweaty forehead with the back of her hand and frowned, there was something in Kylo’s expression-

“Rey!” Finn called mid-run, stopping to lean against her door frame. “Pack your things; we’re moving again.”

She huffed. “Again? We were here for just two weeks.”

The ex-stormtrooper shrugged. “Leia says she wants to be safe. Plus, everyone is complaining about the heat and if we don’t move, Poe is going to start climbing the walls.”

“Anything is better than Hoth,” Rey muttered as she opened her trunk and picked up her satchel.

Jakku wasn’t always hot, but it sure didn’t prepare her for icy death temperatures like that forsaken planet.

“I don’t know.” Finn narrowed his eyes and wrinkled his nose. “There’s something… odd about this place.”

Rey stopped her ministrations as if the Force had punched her stomach. There was an underlying sensation around that planet, an ever present discomfort she didn’t realize until now. “I get what you mean,” she trailed off.

The ex-stormtrooper nodded and motioned with his head for them to get moving. Rey threw the duffel bag over her shoulder and followed him.

* * *

 

_It was the silence in between_

 

* * *

 

Most days she quieted her doubts about how the First Order had never advanced on them since Crait. Or how she barely heard about them anymore. They were a hovering shadow, a fear spreading on your bones, but a muted one nonetheless. A threat without an attack.

Their troopers policed and guarded, and no new governments dared rise against it. But months had passed and the stillness, the lack of conquers…. While everyone took it as the enemy gathering forces, Rey couldn’t help recognizing that feeling.

As if the hollowness and apathy surrounding her heart extended across the galaxy, and rooted inside the First Order, inside him.

So, one day, she stared at the starry night sky of whatever isolated planet the Resistance was and allowed those thoughts to run free.

Rey tightened the prickly shawl she wore around her shoulders, shivering despite the bonfire nearby, and took a sip of her herbal tea. As she suspected, Kylo soon materialized in front of her.

As he would, she noticed, whenever her worries and feelings clashed.

Kylo didn’t notice her at first. He stood there, tall, dark, and pacing in circles until he stopped in his tracks and tensed his back. Then he turned to her.

Rey stared in a way she hadn’t done in months–she stared like him being there wasn’t a mere accident, a company she had to endure and indulge. She looked at him like she needed to talk as fiercely as she did back during the soul-sucking loneliness of Ahch-To.

With her arms resting on her knees, the tea cup in her hand spilling drops of the hot drink on the ground, she was still with questions about the First Order pestering her mind.

“What are you doing?” she asked him.

He narrowed his eyes. The dancing flames reflected on her face, and her hazel irises turned into embers. For a second, he only gazed back before he walked towards her, stepping off the night shadow and into the yellow fiery glow.

It was either their Force bond, or maybe just their bond period, with no external mystical booster, but somehow, he understood what she meant.

“I could ask you the same thing,” he asked, voice low and taunting.

She stiffened, lips parting. Without an answer, she gulped and averted her gaze. Of course, he read her as easily as she read him.

They had chosen their different paths and different dreams, even with the bump in the road called their relationship. Kylo had more power than Darth Vader had dreamt of, and Rey became a Jedi. She finally had a place in the galaxy, in the war, the secret weapon against the enemy. The scavenger trained and studied while he planned and ruled.

It was what she needed to tell herself to forget that there was something wrong.

Something she didn’t believe in anymore.

When Rey looked up to confirm if her uncertainties were reflected in him, he was gone.

* * *

 

_Those were the things that led to the end._


	3. And in between-

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The complications begin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thank you Sarah (@bergersteen on twitter) and Nicki (@notnicorette on twitter) my writing would be nothing without you

Arguing or yelling, the truth remained the same: they were talking once again.

* * *

As much as Luke’s lightsaber had been useful, nothing replaced her staff.

Rey let out sharp breaths as she swung the weapon to one side and the other, trying to follow the steps the ancient books described. Not that she had any way of knowing if her movements were right, since nobody else mastered the old combat forms.

(Sometimes she held a grudge against Leia for not wanting to learn more with Luke, and sometimes she envied that the General had such a choice.)

The last Jedi flung her staff too harshly to the side and nearly fell to the ground face first, but she pulled away in time and raised her arms to keep balance.

That’s when she heard it.

But it couldn’t be. Was that-

“Are you… laughing?” she asked without looking at him, her surprise bigger than the need to ignore him.

“Are you training?” he replied with a cough - and it had better be a cough, rather than a suppressed laugh by the kriffing Supreme Leader of the First Order.

Rey twirled around and rolled her eyes, “Yes, Ben, whatever gave it away?” The girl cleared her throat, swallowing the end of the phrase after slipping his name.

Ben chose not to comment on it, instead he pursed his lips and walked towards her. She forced herself not to flinch, and when he got close enough, her heart battered. The reason for it was best left as a mystery, she either wanted to hit him or do something else, something more dangerous.

He looked at the staff in her hands, studied how she held it. “Pick a form first, then you’ll find balance.”

Rey blinked, the shock of him teaching his enemy fighting tips overpowering the restraints on her mouth, “Weren’t all the Jedi rules worthless to you?”

Brown eyes snapped to hers and his eyebrows furrowed, “Some of them are just common sense.”

Now she definitely wanted to hit him.

He took a step back and lifted his chin, “So do it.”

Maybe Rey indeed had no common sense because before she thought twice, she was raising her staff, he was summoning a mock lightsaber and they were sparring.

Only late that night, when the adrenaline had long left her veins, did she realize that their weapons had touched. Words were barely exchanged between them after Crait, yet their bond grew stronger in seconds.

That realization was terrifying… but also thrilling.

(Old, yellowing Jedi books were not as much as a company as a real breathing person.)

 

* * *

The weeks bled into months.

 

Rey wiped her forehead in her uncomfortable office of the day - the small space beneath the Falcon control panel. She sat down, relieving her knees from a long-held crouch, and huffed at all the unfixable wires and the uproar in the Force driving her insane.

By now, she had long agreed with Finn that Sanah wasn’t just a hot planet, it carried something ominous in the air. But Leia maintained that short stays in various bases was safer than picking a single planet, so the Rebels had to return to Sanah from time to time. Even more so after losing Hoth to First Order surveillance.

She grabbed the hem of her loose tank top and used it to fan herself.

“It’s the compressor.”

“It’s not the compressor.” She put a hand on her face.

Ever since she re-installed it and Ben found out, he wouldn’t let it be. Rey was the one that bypassed it in the first place, but after a nasty conflict with blaster dealers in the Outer Rim, she had to install it back to the ignition line during the escape.

Ben swore eternal hatred to the Falcon, and the past, and all of it. But his reaction upon finding out about the technical malfunction was just so Han it hurt. Which made her realize-

“How do you know where I am?” She whipped her head up.

“Unless I’m present, there’s nothing else that makes you that irritated,” he said while looking around as if he could see her side.

(As unpredictable as the bond was, perhaps he could.)

Dropping her hand on her lap, she ignored the offhand comment before she got even more irritated at the fact that he knew her so well.

But she wasn’t the only thing he knew well.

“Do you, by any chance, know what these cables are for?” Rey picked them up from under the panel in front of her so he could see. Rey was one of the best mechanics in the Resistance, but not even the best mechanic in the galaxy could crack the mess Han Solo had done there. “They were plugged in the wrong sockets, the colors don’t make sense and I found a Porg nest- “

Ben sighed, still annoyed at the electronic mayhem that he remembered all too well. The younger Solo strode to where she sat and crouched down beside her.

“Alright. Do you see the cable that should be the power plug?” He stared at her, putting his hands together in front of himself all business.

She blinked before turning to the colorful puzzle ahead and nodding.

When Chewie walked into the Falcon hours later, it was to the to the sound of loud arguing. He strode towards the cockpit to find Rey buried under the console, her back to him, pulling and pushing at the wires.

“Ben - no, not - of course I know what it is! - Yes, I can see it - You think I didn’t try that already? - Ben… - No, you won’t be able to pull it yourself. - I swear you’re the luckiest man in the galaxy I don’t have a lightsaber in my hands right now! - AND WHOSE FAULT IS THAT? - Wait, I think it worked. - Stop gloating, it’s not a good look on you. - Shut up, that is not-”

The Wookiee shook his head and growled quietly. It wasn’t the first time he’d caught Rey communicating with Kylo Ren, and it wouldn’t be the last.

Han Solo’s best friend turned around and left Rey and his nephew to their usual shenanigans.

 

* * *

 

“I don’t understand.”

Kylo placed a datapad on his desk and gazed at his bondmate with a tilted head.

She shrugged and wrinkled her nose. “You don’t like it.”

“What?”

Rey motioned to everything around them. “Any of it.” She focused back on him, “Every time I see you working, you’re miserable.”

He looked at his crowded workspace, at the tedious reports that took hours to read. She was right, of course.

That didn’t change his predicament.

“We discussed this,” Kylo said.

Rey bit her lip and glanced away. He was right, of course.

They had talked, they had yelled, they had broken a legacy lightsaber over it.

“It isn’t about my-” he paused, voice turning quiet, “-happiness.”

It has never been. Not since he was five and the world was just playing with toys, watching cartoons, and wondering when his dad would come back home. Not since his powers came to life and his existence turned into a ticking time bomb of expectations and fear.

She turned to him, eyes more shiny than normal. “Right.”

It was about the galaxy, order, and whatever else Snoke had driven into his head. He’d reply she was just as miserable because of her cause, and she was.

With nothing else to say, they stayed silent. Kylo continued reading reports and Rey looked around at her surroundings without a purpose.

She placed her hands in her fur coat pockets and shivered as a gust of wind passed through her. He gazed at her, taking in the outfit, then turned back to his work. Despite the abrupt change from the light clothes (and the sweat) she wore just days before, he didn’t say a word. The Jedi knew he had long put two and two together and realized the Resistance changed bases regularly.

Just as she knew he wouldn’t do anything with that information.

Yet another subject they wouldn’t discuss.

 

* * *

 

Of all the scenarios in which she imagined fixing Luke’s lightsaber, none of them ended up with Kylo sitting cross-legged in front of her.

“There’s something wrong with the crystal,” she said.

He looked up from the broken lightsaber to her with furrowed eyebrows. “Are you sure?”

Luckily, he didn’t try to test the bond and grab either of the half hilts between them. Because at the exact moment Rey did, she was sure of her theory. As she held it, she understood why it felt unbalanced.

That planet, that kriffing planet. The kyber centered the turmoil in the Force around them, heightening it.

She cleared her throat, “I don’t think it… chose me,” she lied.

He stared at her, and she knew she would crack. There was no way he didn’t sense her deception.

“Rey, I saw it choose you before my eyes,” he offered in a quiet tone before turning back to the piece of metal between them, lowering his head to look inside it.

She didn’t want to contemplate how dangerous it was that he could see the lightsaber between them. She didn’t want to dwell on the volatile nature of their bond or its consequences. At that moment, Rey just nodded before focusing on the blue gleam inside the half of the hilt she held. There was something else she’d rather dwell on first.

The scavenger lifted her head again and watched the Supreme Leader of the First Order as he kept observing the inner workings of the broken device.

“Why are you helping me?” she asked.

He stiffened, then straightened his back so they stared at each other again.

“It was my grandfather’s.”

“But he had another, didn‘t he? One that wasn’t blue.” Her eyes blazed as they pierced his.

He clenched his jaw and drummed his fingers on the floor. “It is lost.”

“If this saber was found, so can the other.” Rey tilted the half in her hand, casting little blue gleams around them when the sunlight met the crystal inside. “You don’t have to help me fix this one.”

“Where are you going with this, Rey?” he asked, raising one eyebrow.

She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Why is your lightsaber red?”

Kylo froze.

He didn’t have to explain something as basic as the color of the blades. Kylo saw it in her eyes, sensed it through the bond. The girl had pored over the old books for more than a year now, there wasn’t even a slight possibility she was ignorant as to the meaning.

Yet, she asked.

“The kyber is the heart of the weapon. And the weapon, the heart of the wielder,” he said as his throat closed.

“Is that why you did it? Is that why you-” she pressed her lips together, searching for words gentler than the horrors written about the rituals of turning kybers red. “Is that why you changed your crystal. Because you believe it’s evil?”

“No.” He gritted his teeth, eyes heated.

Perhaps it would have been wiser to stay quiet. But his mind completed the sentence his heart shouted.

Because it’s bleeding, because it’s broken. Cracked in the middle, marked to the point of no return.

Rey’s breath hitched and Kylo’s eyes widened. Most times the two couldn’t hear exact phrases through their connection, but the sentiment was always accurate. But sometimes…sometimes the words flowed clear as day.

She dropped the second half of the saber in front of the first one, stood up as her legs trembled. “We should do this another day.”

Kylo watched as she left.

 

* * *

 

A Jedi must claim no husband, no wife, no children, no family, no ties to tempt him or her to use the Force for their own benefit. A Jedi must be brave without being proud, strong without being violent, forgiving without bringing impunity.

Crave no passion, no desire, no anger, no fear.

“A Jedi must forget how it feels to be alive if they wish to understand the ways of the Force.”

She closed the book with a thump, making dust particles fly in the air, and twisted around to look at the intruder from where she sat on the floor.

Ben stood by the window with his arms crossed over his chest and—was that a smirk?

Rey scowled. Why did she still talk to him? She almost agreed with the Jedi that impulsive decisions only led to disaster.

Almost.

“And I suppose the Siths understand the Force better?” she asked, standing up.

Without a blink, he replied, “I’m not a Sith.”

Her eyebrows shot up. “Could have fooled me.”

Oh.

So today she was in that mood. The one that overcame her after hours spent with those ancient papers. Kylo was used to her instant hostility whenever the bond connected them at the wrong time. Whatever fire she breathed on his direction, he took it. And vice versa, whenever she was the one that appeared at a bad moment.

Unfortunately for both, that time, his mood was as foul as hers.

Ben strode towards her. “When will you understand?” He stopped inches away, his eyes roaming her face. “I have no use for old things. The Jedi and the Sith, the Resistance, the light or the dark.”

She stepped closer to him and his shadow enveloped her. She met his stare and raised her chin. “And when will you stop telling me I don’t understand? That I’m just a worthless scavenger-“

“That’s not what I meant.” He huffed.

“I understand everything, Kylo.” She glared at him, and he flinched at the deliberate name choice. It was a nasty curse spat from her mouth, and his stomach twisted. “I understand that just because you want the past to die, it doesn’t mean you and your subordinates aren’t just like what came before - living, eating and thriving comfortably at the cost of other people’s freedoms. Simple and worthless nobodies like me.”

It was easy for him, to do as he pleased, take what he wanted, choose what to fight for when others never had a chance. And she would’ve picked a different path for herself, if only he hadn’t chosen one for her already, whether or not he realized it.

She pointed her finger at him. “You put down people that are weaker, like all the Siths before you. And as long as a Sith exists, so does a Jedi to stop him.”

His eyes widened, then he furrowed his eyebrows. Her words ran through his head and he tried to refute them, only to realize he had nothing.

They watched each other: Kylo hesitant, Rey with nostrils flaring and chest heaving as she panted. She almost brushed against him every time she inhaled, and the sides of his hair fluttered at each harsh breath of hers.

But he didn’t step away, angry as she was. A light flickered in his eyes and he opened his mouth.

“Hey, Rey, Leia is looking for you.” Poe barged into her room.

Rey and Kylo turned towards him. Poe froze at the doorway, raising his eyebrows at the girl’s flushed cheeks and how she stood still in the middle of her quarters, her hands glued to her sides in fists.

She glanced back to Kylo only to realize he wasn’t there anymore. Not that Poe would see him even if he was, she reminded herself. The Jedi blinked twice before looking at the pilot again.

“Ah…” She stammered, “I’m...I’m coming.”

She pressed her lips together in a tight smile before rushing past him. Poe tilted his head and shook it before spinning around and following her.

* * *

 

It took a year, but Rey finally understood what was wrong with the planet Sanah.

Whether it was the Force using her or the other way around, one day it became clear.  
And once she understood, they created a plan. Or rather, others - namely Poe - outlined a plan in which she was key. If Rey was honest, the plan initially represented an opportunity for her to prove her value, but now something made her pause.

But the Resistance needed her, the galaxy needed her, and the last Jedi complied.

So, another year later, there they were: around an old round conference table as Leia briefed the Resistance members, from the newest recruit to the high command, which now included Poe, Finn, and Rose.

And Rey, whatever she was: either the last hope or the secret weapon.

“Our enemy has been silent for too long.” The General leaned against the table, looking at the audience. “It would be easy for us to believe him to be weakened and recovering from his losses.”

Rey forced herself to keep a steady gaze on the older woman, as she always did whenever the subject was the princess’ son.

Leia had felt Snoke’s death as a fading shadow. But she never learned the truth about his demise, since Rey hadn’t corrected the general assumption that Holdo’s sacrifice had been a lucky strike. She didn’t want to lie to her friends, but the truth demanded her to accept actions and feelings she didn’t understand.

(Rey dreaded the moment Chewbacca would expose her little visit to the Supremacy. That revelation would raise more questions than _had she killed Snoke_ , but it, mercifully, never came out. Leia’s ignorance led the girl to assume Luke hadn‘t told anyone either.)

“But the truth is, they know they have won.” Leia grimaced. “There’s no reason to waste ammunition on us.” At the startled looks her declaration created, she set her jaw and raised her chin, “But we are ready to prove their arrogance wrong.”

Some from the crowd exchanged looks as everyone else held their breaths.

“They should have come after us. Because what was once dying, now rises again. And a Resistance that once could fit inside one freighter now has bases across many planets.” Leia smiled, the tightness of it going unnoticed by a crowd that now cheered. “Today, after 600 standard days, the outline of our big first strike to defeat the First Order is ready.” More cheers came from the crowd and Leia called, “Rey.”

The General motioned at her to explain the plan. Rey smiled as people applauded, waiting for the noise to subside. She gripped the edge of the table and took a deep inhale, she opened her mouth but a familiar silence echoed against her eardrums.

Words got stuck in her throat as Kylo Ren appeared right in front of her.

“Ah- “ She cleared her throat and looked away from Ben’s questioning expression, “I- “ She squeezed her eyes shut, willing the Force, the bond, herself, to just close that connection.

Whispers rose around the room, and a hand rested on her shoulder.

Her head shot up to Finn, who eyed her, wrinkling his forehead. “Rey?”

She gazed back to where their enemy stood to confirm if that nightmare was real.

Kylo, in turn, had a deepening crease between his eyebrows. They hadn’t left things in a good place since their last conversation, but she was acting strange.

“Is she okay?” Rose whispered to Poe.

“Rey?” Leia called.

Rey swallowed hard and glanced around the room. “Excuse me for a moment.” She turned around and sprinted out of the room, leaving a trail of murmurs in her wake and a dark figure following her.

Among smoke and mechanical sparks of the hangar bay, she walked with hands in fists at her sides. Upon reaching the first deserted hallway in the way, the girl rushed into it.

“Did you know?” She gritted her teeth, whirling around to face the man behind her.

Ben halted at her sudden change of direction. “Know what?” he asked, catching his breath.

“Did you know when to open… this?” she between them, to their bond.

For the second meeting in a row, he looked defenseless.

The heavy mist from the x-wings maintenance fluttered between them and he kept staring at her with a slack jaw. It dawned on Rey that he had no clue as to what was happening, that he had walked in on a Resistance meeting seconds from hearing their plan to attack the First Order.

“Rey?”

She turned to see Finn standing at the end of the hallway with Leia by his side.

One look at the General’s piercing stare and Rey knew.

However, Finn, oblivious to the shifts in the Force, approached his friend and checked her from head to toe. “Are you okay?”

She nodded. “I wasn’t feeling well.”

Leia walked towards them in silent paces and stared at Rey. “I believe we need to talk.”


	4. Reality Shifts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> .... a conversation takes place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you, thank you, thank you to my beautiful friends Sarah (@bergersteen on twitter) and Nicki (@notnicorette on twitter) for their help :)

Finn had suspected something was wrong when he found a disheveled Rey hiding in some dark and deserted hallway of their base.

But when Rey lied about being alright, he was sure.

Now he stared between General and Jedi inside the unused meeting room nearest the hangar. Cold drops of sweat beaded on his forehead at the way Leia stared at his friend, as if she had swallowed a particularly rotten cup of juice. As if she fully grasped what had happened and it wasn‘t good.

“What’s going on? Is Rey okay?”

Finn whirled around at the deep voice and saw Poe standing at the doorway, his hands holding the transparisteel door open. Rose stood behind him with furrowed eyebrows.

Leia still studied Rey, her lips pressed in a thin line. Rey, on the other hand, struggled to keep eye contact. Several times she held it and opened her mouth to speak, but then always decided against it and watched her feet.

The older woman waved for the two newcomers to come in.

Hard as this conversation would be for the girl, Leia was certain that inside the room were the people Rey trusted the most, and the people that would demand answers after that disastrous meeting.

Better to just explain things once.

“Shut the door,” she ordered.

Rose did as asked, then she and Poe walked towards the tense trio.

“Rey, what were you doing?” the older women asked, carefully controlled.

The scavenger’s cheeks burned as she gazed at the General.

Leia wouldn’t budge. “I know you. And I know what you’re not,” she added before lowering her voice, “But you must understand that can be considered an act of treason.”

Rey’s stomach dropped at the same time the others took sharp intakes of breath.

“I can’t control it,” she croaked, her eyes watering sooner than she expected. She shook her head and grimaced against her emotional state. “I didn’t choose this. The moment I realized what was happening, I left the meeting. That’s why I left, I don’t know what you saw-“

“Saw?” Leia interrupted with a blank look.

“Hello? Can someone explain what is happening?” Finn asked waving his hands in the air.

Rey turned to him, “I-“

“What do you mean saw?” Leia asked. “Did you see him?”

Rey looked at her, “I-“

“Him who?!” It was Poe’s time to explode as he looked back and forth between them.

“Ben.” Leia answered, glancing at the others before returning to the main topic.

The pilot’s shoulders slumped before he looked at Rose. “Who the kriff is Ben?”

The technician shrugged and shook her head, but Finn looked at the ground muttering the name “Ben” over and over as if it would trigger a memory buried deep.

“Ben.” He raised his head and stared at the two women. “Ben Solo?” His tone rose. “As in Kylo Ren?!” His nostrils flared, and Rey closed her eyes.

“You’re seeing Kylo Ren? You were talking-”

Poe held his hands in front of himself. “Wait. Wait, a minute -“

“Can you all just shut up for a moment?” Leia spat.

They all complied reluctantly as she turned to Rey. The General’s eyes were glassy as she transformed from the austere Resistance leader into the grieving mother she hid inside.

  
“I felt him. When you spoke in the conference room, I could feel him. And when we found you, it was as if he was right there beside me. I haven’t sensed him that close in years.” Leia paused, taking a breath. “But I did not see him, and I need you to explain what is going on.”

Rey stared at her pleading eyes, then back at the hurt and confused expressions on her friends’ faces. She sighed before pressing a palm to her forehead.

Nothing would be the same after this.

“We have a…bond. The Force connects us at random times, random places. I can talk to him and he, to me when it happens.” She bit her bottom lip. “But we can’t see much of our surroundings, just each other,” she reassured them.

Rey wished she hadn’t thought this through so extensively. That she hadn’t reasoned with herself that she and Ben only caught glimpses of a few inconsequential objects through their connection, that it wasn’t dangerous. If it was anyone else, they wouldn’t think twice about it, they’d sever the connection without searching for technicalities. There was no need to play with fire, to wait until their Bond revealed too much and they were forced to close it.

And even then…

To admit the inadmissible, maybe even then she wouldn’t close it. Maybe she’d rather leave, maybe she’d rather help from somewhere far away than live with the silence where his voice was supposed to be.

But this wasn’t the right time to contemplate that, and since she doubted there would ever be such a time, she procrastinated and procrastinated until she didn’t acknowledge it at all.

She gulped. “I never told him anything about the Resistance, and I never intend to.”

At least that much would always, always be true.

“And you can see him?” Leia asked again.

In all her years, even with her limited knowledge of the Force, Leia learned that it took a great connection and energy to communicate a few words through thoughts. Yet here her son and this young girl were, manifesting physically to each other without even trying.

Rey nodded, and Leia’s eyebrows shot up to her hairline.

Rose, who had been silent during the exchange, asked in a low voice: “How?”

“Snoke. He’s the one that did this…he bridged our minds. He believed he could use our weaknesses in his favor, that it would bring me to him.”

She didn’t know how to tell them that he was right, how to explain why her weaknesses would bring her straight to Snoke, to Ben. And she silently begged they wouldn’t ask.

“But it didn’t work.” Poe beamed as if guessing the end of the story. He slapped the table in the middle of them. “Holdo killed him, and you came back to us.”

The Jedi’s breath hitched. That was a lie she couldn’t keep up anymore, even by omission. She pressed the heel of her palm above her brow. “That was-“ Ben, Kylo, she didn’t want to use either. Taking a deep breath, she gripped the back of the chair in front of her and stared at her knuckles as they whitened. “That wasn’t Holdo.”

Finn raised his stare from the floor to her and Leia creased her forehead as Rose and Poe chorused a “What?”

Snoke was right. The phrase was there, ready to leave her lips.

“I went to the Supremacy. I went to meet him,” Rey revealed with a catch in her tone. “I went to meet Ben. I thought I could turn him, that he could help bring the First Order down when Luke refused.” She stared at the former princess, maybe the only one who would understand that hope. “He brought me to Snoke, as Snoke predicted. And he ordered Ben to kill me but-” she shook her head, the memory an ocean of red and fire. “He killed Snoke instead.”

The background noise of drills, wrenches and hammers echoed around the white room as Rey’s pulse thundered against her ears

“We fought the praetorian guard together, and we won.” With eyes burning against her will, a tear finally spilled down her cheek. Apparently, she was still as weak as the day she believed she could turn Kylo Ren. “But he didn’t want to come home, he just wanted to watch it all burn.” She took a shaky breath and looked ahead, at anywhere but at them. “So, I escaped to the Falcon, and I met you on Crait. I have been working to take down the First Order ever since.”

“So how does it work now?” Poe crossed his arms in front of his chest. “He shows up to you in that big mask with the red lightsaber, demanding you tell him-“

“He doesn’t wear the mask anymore,” she replied out of reflex. “Hasn’t worn it in years,” Rey trailed off, realizing too late that wasn’t even the point of the question.

Finn laughed, drawing all attention to him. “Years,” he muttered with bitterness. And for the first time in their relationship, Finn glared at Rey. “What I’m taking from this is that you have been lying for years, Rey.” He stepped closer and pointed his index finger at her. “You’re my oldest friend and you’ve been keeping this huge secret.” He grimaced. “All this time we’ve been trying to take out the Supreme Leader, and you have been talking to him-“

“It’s not-“

He shook his head and leaned away. “- And we know nothing about it, like how many times does it happen?” He placed his hands on his hips and tapped his foot on the floor. “Is it a monthly thing, or a daily thing, huh? Are you pretending every day or just every month?”

Rey tried to speak, but he continued, “Is he trying to convince you to go to their side?”

“Whether he is or he isn’t, it’s not going to work,” Rey snapped.

Finn froze and Rey flinched, realizing that was as good as an admission that, yes, Kylo tried to recruit her. And she constantly let him, just as much as he let her do the same.

The former stormtrooper shook his head again, looking at her as if she was a stranger.

“Finn,” Rose said, reaching for his hand. But he turned around and left the room instead.

The scavenger watched her oldest friend’s retreating figure get smaller and smaller, walking among the workers, the ships and the smoke. He didn’t turn back once, and she barely registered Rose whispering that she was going after him.

And then there were three.

Poe looked at her incredulously, all wide eyed and with his eyebrows scrunched, and Rey couldn’t decide what he felt. Maybe he couldn’t decide either.

And Leia…Leia was a storm. Her feelings expanded in the force, in waves of darkness and light, strife and hope.

“Well,” Ben Solo’s mother said as she clasped her hands together. “We’ll continue this conversation later. I need to brief the council on our plans for the moment, we have kept them waiting for too long.” She frowned before turning to Rey, “I hope you understand, but you’ll sit this one out, dear.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aa-haaa don’t kill meee
> 
> A few comments: I know Finn is harsher than we are used to (there’s a reason for that, which will be explored. No, it’s not because he’s jealous, relax). And I know Poe is calmer than in many stories - but personally after TLJ I understood that Poe went through his brash leader arc and learned how to deal with things more calmly now. To me, on episode IX we can either get a more angry/reactive Poe, or we can get a more balanced one - I chose the second for this fic, because it was what I wanted and needed.
> 
> About Leia, I know many of you are excited about that…. More to come, of course. Be patient, padawans.


	5. Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes!! it's a double update! hooray?
> 
> Thank you Sarah (@bergersteen on twitter) and Nicki (@notnicorette on twitter) as always!

_It was the little things._

Like how she didn’t tell them what Ben had offered her before she escaped. Or that they managed not only to see each other through their Bond, but to touch. Not by accident, but because they had _wanted_ to touch.

Like how she didn‘t tell them the Supreme Leader was left unconscious at her feet, his life for the taking, but she didn’t take it. She could have ended the war years before, but chose not to.

Those were the things that reminded Rey why her friends were right to walk past her without a greeting, giving her nothing but a glare on the rare times they actually looked at her.

_It was the silence in between._

Her schedule was simply this: she woke up, worked on her forms, and tried to fix Anakin’s lightsaber. She was forbidden to go anywhere else, to do anything else.

But it wasn’t a bother, that was just how probation worked.

It wasn’t a bother when she sat by herself at breakfast, lunch and dinner, or when she went to sleep with tears in her eyes and woke up with dried tracks on her cheeks.

_Those were the things that led to…_

“That’s it?”

Ben nodded.

The two sat on the floor in the middle of her room as Rey stared at the lightsaber in her hands. She hadn‘t wanted to talk much since their encounter a couple days before but, to Ben’s surprise, the Jedi didn’t seem to be angry at him.

In fact, the girl barely showed any emotion at all. She was the most subdued that he had ever seen her.

The moonlight glistened against the metal of the hilt, bathing Rey’s figure in white as she hunched her shoulders and focused on the weapon in her lap.

Rey’s fingers grazed over the switch, not quite ready to press it. It seemed ridiculous that she had tried to fix this small thing for years with no success, and in the end, it didn’t need fixing at all.

It didn’t want to be fixed. It wanted to be anew.

Of course, if she had asked Ben for help earlier, he’d have shown her what to do and she would have known sooner. But she had avoided asking for his help a second time, not wanting to repeat the first disastrous one.

Ben sat still in the dark, watching her as she fiddled with the button.

The fear she felt was preposterous, but gnawed at her spine anyway. The crystal inside the saber sung to her, louder than when she had first summoned its lightsaber. It reverberated through her bones, creeping into her, as if they were one.

The belonging she sought had the tendency of showing up at the most unexpected places, more powerfully than anticipated, and it scared her. But it was time to stop running.

Rey inhaled deeply and pushed the switch.

A purple glow illuminated them. Her eyes widened, she shook her head and looked up at Ben who was too engrossed in the blade to notice her distress.

When he turned back to her, his dark eyes glowed in a kaleidoscope of lights as the moonlight and the saber reflected in them. He stared at her with a slack jaw, speechless.

“I don’t...I don’t understand,” she said. “How did it change? It’s...it’s the same.” It was the same kyber...how could the color change? She aimed to rebuild the hilt, not anything else.

Ben pressed his lips together, realizing that she needed him to say it.

Always speaking harsh truths in soft tones, his voice lowered. “The crystal is the heart of the weapon.”

_And the weapon is the heart of the wielder._

Rey dropped her gaze, entranced by the purple light bursting from her hands, spreading to her clothes and face. The combination of colors illuminated the dust particles suspended in the air, static as the two people in the room. Rey was mystified by the view. She tried reassuring herself that at least the color wasn’t red. She hadn’t bled it.

But it wasn’t blue either.

“What does this mean?” she asked.

He watched her, that perfect light spot in the Force surrounded in lilac.

“I don’t know,” he whispered.

Later that night, when their connection faded without any answers for her, Rey was left alone to her frustrations.

If there was one thing she was sure of, it was that she had chosen against anger and fear, chosen to help the Resistance, to fight for the freedom of the galaxy. Every day was a battle to resist her own doubts, her emotions. And it didn’t come without sacrifice either. It had torn her apart to do it, to walk away from-

When Rey stared at the place on the floor where Ben had sat, now the only spot in her room that the moonlight still touched, she gathered that she belonged in the light indeed. She fought for the light, she picked the light.

…But maybe her heart loved something dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a Grey Jedi story.
> 
> *clears throat*
> 
> *Luke’s voice* This is not going to go the way you think.
> 
> You have been warned.


	6. Poe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah--- check the final notes of the chapter.
> 
> Thank you Sarah (@bergersteen on twitter) and Nicki (@notnicorette on twitter) as putting up with me and my crazy writing, and making it way better :)

Kylo gasped, bending over to catch a breath as he took a step away from her.

Rey straightened her back, her restored lightsaber reflecting purple light on her clothes when she dropped her arms to her sides. Fire flashed in her eyes and he knew there was something amiss. She had been more silent, drier around him ever since-

Ever since.

Rey circled him like a predator, her chest rising and falling in a déjà vu of their first battle at Starkiller.

_There’s too much anger in you_ , his thought echoed.

If she heard, there was no indication. She took one more breath and charged. Kylo raised his lightsaber just in time to block the blow and energy buzzed between their blades. Rey gritted her teeth, a vein popped out on her neck.

_Not more than usual_ , her accent reverberated against his skull.

Kylo chuckled before leaning away. He swung his lightsaber downwards, but she jumped and dodged it.

“I thought we didn’t lie to each other,” he said and the corner of his lips lifted.

She scoffed before lunging to his left side, which he defended. Then she attacked his right, also unsuccessfully.

“No, I guess we don’t.” She was relentless, delivering strike after strike. He walked backwards, but the space between them didn‘t widen, as Rey continued to advance. “If we don’t count the ones by omission.”

Like where she was, where he was and what their plans were for the day. One would think that people who don’t lie to each other would share the answers to those simple questions.

The Jedi aimed for the Supreme Leader’s feet, but he jumped and circled around her. Once he escaped the tree-lined corner Rey had trapped him into, he took a deep breath.

Rey turned around and faced him again. As she exhaled, they both let their guards and weapons down for a moment.

The wind coming from Rey’s side mercifully breezed by them, giving a small reprieve from the heat. As his dark hair fluttered, she realized it had traveled across their bond. He stared at her, creasing his brows. “What happened?”

Rey’s back tensed as she averted her eyes and wiped her sweaty forehead with the back of her hand. “Nothing.”

He swallowed against his dry throat and stared at the ground. Searching for the root of her irritation, his mind flashed to the day when she had called him a Sith. Or maybe, when she accused him of opening the Bond for…something. Ben grimaced and kicked a small rock from her surroundings that had reached him.

“I’m not using this to steal information,” he said, gazing back at her.

_I know_ , she almost replied. But it was inappropriate to understand an enemy like that. She clenched her jaw and swallowed her admissions while keeping her eyes fixed on the metallic hilt she grasped. “That’s not it.”

Ben tried to speak, but she strode towards him with the saber held high before any words came out. His blade met hers in time, but Rey kicked him off balance. With a final scream she brought her lightsaber down, slashing him from chest to feet.

The edge of his ripped clothes glowed fiery red and yellow at the cut as part of his cloak fell to the ground.

For a moment, they simply stared at the torn fabric, shocked at the damage inflicted from parsecs away. Rey swallowed hard, glaring at the evidence of her ferocity that had fallen at Kylo’s feet. But his eyes lifted, and focused solely on her.

He couldn’t fathom why the scavenger was so angry at him. Yet, when she finally won, it wasn’t him she stared at, it was the floor, the burnt rags. Evidently, it was shocking that she could muster enough strength and emotion to drive a weapon across the galaxy, but it was hardly a novelty for them anymore.

Quite often, in fact, the Bond would be intense enough to allow a touch, an exchange of objects, a spar-

That’s when Ben understood.

“They know,” he said.

Rey looked at him, and her eyes widened for a second. Pressing her lips in a thin line, she refused to grant him with an answer.

“They don’t trust you anymore.” He chewed on his lower lip.

_Get out of my head_ , she wanted to scream. But he wasn’t prying for information, or using anything other than a wide knowledge of her and of people’s usual reaction around anyone that controlled the Force.

Kylo Ren knew how it was to be isolated by those who cared about him because they didn’t trust him anymore. He knew how it felt to not even trust himself. She didn‘t have to explain these things to him. The fallen Jedi connected the dots immediately because he saw himself in her. Because Ben and Rey understood one another when the rest of the world didn’t.

And she hated it. She hated that he understood, and that now she understood better Kylo‘s fury towards Luke. Calm and balance were abilities that Rey worked hard to hone under normal conditions, but they were becoming feeble at the hands of this connection with Ben Solo.

And all she received in return for that relationship were her friends’ anger and distrust.

The blood in her veins boiled, and her face turned red. “If you think this changes anything, that I’ll consider turning to your side, you may as well give up. Because even if everyone in this galaxy fears me, I will never fall to your side.”

Kylo turned off his lightsaber and let his arms hang by his sides.

“It doesn’t matter to me,” he said.

She deflated, her storm slipping away like a puff of smoke. “What?”

“What side you fall on, it doesn’t matter to me.”

Rey froze, a loose strand of brown hair grazing her cheek. She took a step towards him, “What if I choose the Resistance? What If I’ll always choose the Resistance?”

Ben shrugged. “I’ll always be with you.”

Her mouth hung open as the connection faded in front of her. The Jedi blinked repeatedly, confused as to what had she missed, why his feelings had changed, when they had changed. The wind swept over her, rustling her tunic as she held the saber loosely, tapping the hilt against her thigh.

“So… that was intense.”

Rey spun around and caught Poe leaning on a tree by the edge of the clearing she chose for training.

She squeezed her eyes shut. “Poe-“

The pilot raised his hands in surrender as he approached her. “I followed you.” After a piercing glare from her, he sighed. “Look, Rey, you’re my friend. But I can’t lie and pretend you didn’t scare me, alright?”

Rey bit her lip and crossed her arms in front of her chest.

He put his hands on his hips. “So, I figured, for our friendship’s sake,” he shrugged, “I should really see what was happening instead of just judging what I don’t understand. I did enough of that in the past.”

That was unexpected. Rey ignored the spark of hope in her chest and lifted one eyebrow. “Well?”

Poe shifted his weight. “I was wrong to be scared. And to doubt your loyalties.” A smirk broke out on his face, “I mean, I figured I was going to be wrong anyway, but it was nice to confirm it.”

Rey released a breath and nodded.

“But…” He clicked his tongue. “There’s something else to it.”

That traitorous heart of hers hammered. After witnessing that conversation with Kylo Ren, even if just on Rey’s side, maybe Poe realized-

“What?” her voice shook as she stared at him trying to keep some nonchalance.

His eyes sparkled fleetingly and he smiled at her. “I’m still trying to figure that out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After this chapter you probably realized you want/need Ben’s point of view. I’m just passing by to say you’ll get it when the time is right. Toodles!


	7. Leia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Accidental double update, hooray! ( Before, I really planned to post chapters 1-2;4-5 together when I did, but not these two. But, my schedule went a bit crazy and I should have updated this earlier anyway soooo- ENJOY!)
> 
> Thank you Sarah (@bergersteen on twitter) and Nicki (@notnicorette on twitter) for making my English make sense!

Once there was one person that knew the truth and wasn’t avoiding her, things got slightly better.

It still hurt every time Finn glared at her, or when Rose muttered an excuse and walked the opposite way when they bumped into each other.

“They will come around,” Poe assured her when he caught her staring at the couple that exited the cafeteria upon seeing her. The pilot stared at his plate and sighed. “It’s harder for them.”

Finn had been taken from his parents as an infant by the First Order. Rose had lost her sister to the war against it. Poe knew that Rey was fully aware of those facts, but he figured that some words of comfort were better than hopeless silence.

Rey replied with a noncommittal grunt and poked her food with a fork. Poe stared at the crown of her head as she wallowed. He pursed his lips as he made a decision.

“You should talk to Finn, though.” He stood up and left her to her thoughts.

She glanced at the pilot as he left and blew out a breath. There was a reason she hadn’t talked to her closest friend yet. The scavenger knew that the only way he’d ever forgive her was if she explained why she hadn’t told him about her bond with Kylo Ren.

_That_ was an answer she wasn’t ready to give.

 

* * *

After dinner, Rey retreated to the communal room with a Jedi book under her arm. Old lamps faintly lit the near empty room as she walked in. Rey glanced at the only two people left in it, but they didn’t acknowledge her as they muttered quietly to themselves.

In fact, the entire base had been quiet lately, as if waiting with bated breath for their first strike against the First Order in years.

Rey curled up on the shabby armchair by the end table. The lamp beside it flickered, and its cushions were ripped open, exposing the padding inside. Whenever she was at Sanah, that was where she studied. Over the course of two years, she spent countless hours there. That was one of the few places she called home.

She tucked one leg underneath her, then bent the other, resting the book on top of it. As she stroked its worn-out cover, a low buzz vibrated, and she whipped her head up, alert.

Jumpiness left as soon as it came, and every muscle in her body slackened. There, just a few feet ahead, Kylo Ren slept.

He was probably lying on his bed, but from where Rey sat, he seemed to be napping on the couch. A shadow in the middle of all the yellow hues, laying on his side, back to her, with his arms stretched in front of him and his black hair cascading over his face.

Rey’s eyes softened at each slow rise and fall of his shoulders. Over the course of their relationship, she had stumbled upon Ben sleeping a few times, rare moments of peace and quiet in such a conflicted man. Moments when she didn’t need to worry about where things were going. Moments when she didn’t have to mask her feelings. Moments she secretly cherished.

She dropped her book beside the lampshade, plans of reading forgotten. Folding her arms across her chest, she exhaled soundly and slumped in her seat. Her eyes never left him.

Warmth pooled in her stomach as a small smile tugged at her lips. She watched him unabashed, like only these times would allow. Minutes or hours passed, and the two other people in the room left for the comfort of their beds, leaving her with only the warm lights and the stillness between Ben’s soft breaths.

Her tranquility was interrupted when a shift surged in the Force. Rey stiffened but before she could search for the source, Leia entered the room.

The older woman was reserved as of late. She avoided Rey as much as her friends did, even if she didn’t seem to hold any resentment towards her. Leia had personally asked the girl to not take part in any Resistance meetings, but she - and Rey’s friends - hadn’t revealed her conversations with Kylo Ren to anyone, which she supposed should be considered a good sign.

However, she never once tried to ask Rey about her bond with Ben Solo, which struck the Jedi as odd. Rey thought she would want to know that her son wasn’t gone, that she’d push for details that would reveal the humanity inside him. But then again, maybe she had indeed given up on him.

That possibility always turned Rey cold. Even though Leia had every reason to quit on Ben, Rey had been witness to all the reasons she shouldn’t. Why Rey herself hadn’t.

“I’m sorry…I thought-” the General stopped at the doorway, eyes roaming around the room before settling on Rey’s peaceful demeanor. Leia paced slowly towards her, the low lights dancing on her irises. “In the past, before knowing about your-” she gestured with her hands, “-bond, I used to feel him from time to time. Sometimes it was weaker, sometimes stronger. I couldn’t understand how. It made little sense until…until it did.”

Once in front of Rey, Leia stopped and clasped her hands together. The corner of her mouth lifted slightly, a small sign of calm in a face marked by fraught skin. “I sensed him again, so I thought-” she searched the room again to confirm the lack of company, “-I guess I was wrong.”

Rey looked away from Leia, eyes falling on Ben’s sleeping form. “You weren’t,” she whispered and tilted her head towards him. “He’s here.”

Leia’s expression brightened, and she raised her eyebrows. Rey turned back to her with a small smile.

“May I?” Leia asked and held her hand up.

Rey stared at Ben’s mother and blinked. There were things the ancient books could never teach, no matter how many times she read them cover to cover. The Force and all its devices couldn't fit on paper; they were bigger and more unpredictable than what could ever be written.

So, the Jedi just took the General’s hand and closed her eyes. No one taught her how to show a bond; no one had a bond where they could see each other to begin with. Yet, Rey focused on Ben, how he felt and the tug between them.

Leia gasped.

Rey observed at her as the older woman fixed her gaze on the spot where Ben laid. The princess covered her mouth with her free hand. “You can really see him.” Rey nodded and Leia’s eyes watered. “He looks peaceful,” she said.

The scavenger stared at the man who was supposed to be her nemesis. “He does.”

It was Leia’s turn to regard Rey as she gazed at Kylo Ren. She followed as the girl’s eyes softened and her head tilted, light and shadow dancing across her expression and strands of disheveled hair falling on her face.

The General then glanced at the closed book beside the Jedi, it was long untouched. Leia shut her eyes for a moment.

“Snoke wasn’t wrong,” Rey murmured, her stomach relaxing at finally expressing this hidden truth. Sitting straighter in the armchair, she clarified, “Not in believing I’d turn but-“

“Snoke is gone, Rey,” Leia said.

The girl that watched her son sleep with more tenderness than was appropriate met her eyes. Leia cupped her face with her free hand. “You’ve read everything there is to know about the Force. You’ve learned how it works and how it doesn’t. This bond you have with Ben…deep down you already know, my dear.” She stroked her thumb against the girl’s cheek. “It’s no one’s making but your own.”

Rey placed her hand on top of Leia’s, biting hard on her bottom lip as her eyes moistened.

“Snoke was right to believe this connection would bring great vulnerability to you both,” Leia said as a blinding grin formed on her face. “But I’m beginning to realize he was wrong about everything else.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know we are in this ocean of feels lately but ahem *ned stark's voice* plot is coming.


	8. Rose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Sarah (@bergersteen on twitter) and Nicki (@notnicorette on twitter) for putting up with my crazy and making my writing make sense xD

Whatever it was that Leia saw that night in Rey, it was enough to gain her trust back. And, just like that, Rey was back to endless meetings and conference rooms. During those countless hours, she learned that the General hadn’t changed their plan, despite her contact with the enemy.

So, perhaps that trust was never truly lost.

But something did change in Leia and in her. The resolve they had to fight the First Order was weakening, because fighting the First Order meant ending its leader.

Ending _him_.

Rey knew that had always been an issue for the grieving mother. But she couldn’t help blaming herself when she noticed the new hope sparked in the older woman - Leia was no longer alone in believing that her son could be saved.

And the Jedi couldn’t stop blaming herself for holding on to her own hope so easily. Years had passed and Ben Solo had not come back. He hadn’t even stepped away from the First Order leadership. Yet, she hoped. Because she still saw the light in him, brighter than ever now.

This feeling wasn’t anything new; that faith had long lived within her. But acting on that faith had brought her only heartbreak and defeat. Rey had already shipped herself to enemy territory because of her confidence in him, but it had failed spectacularly.

If anything was to change now, it would have to come from him. Otherwise, they’d just carry on with their plans and fear the day they’d face each other in battle again.

But that was a problem for later.

 

* * *

Rey sat alone in one of the hangars. She leaned against the wall next to the opened gate, her legs outstretched, and her gaze traveled over the trees and the grass outside. Even the nature surrounding the base seemed still. Where plants would sway in the breeze and creatures would chirp, now she saw only stillness and heard only silence. The quiet before the storm.

The wind brushed her skin, and she hummed softly. She took a faded deck of Sabacc cards from her pocket and arranged some of them on the floor beside her. Hoth had offered few things besides snow and cold during their brief stay in it, but one of them was this deck.

Finn had chuckled when he saw her taking it. Rey was nothing if not practical; she grew up in the desert yearning to learn everything that was necessary for survival. She gave herself no time for anything else. She didn’t know how to play any games. Yet, she wanted to. When she stared at that deck of cards covered in dust in the middle of the military base, a longing tugged at her stomach.

There were days when she wanted to be the kind of person who knew how to play a game. She wanted to be the kind of person that had someone who would teach her.

Ironically, once she put the deck in her satchel, she never touched it again. Although she did find small amounts of free time over the years, something more important always came up: a conversation, a reading, a re-reading, or worrying over the weight of her responsibilities.

But, considering how the end could come sooner rather than later, Rey figured that day was as good as any to try a completely useless activity.

A shuffling of footsteps broke her train of thought. Rey looked up at the same time Ben looked down.

“Slow day?” He raised his eyebrows.

She leaned her head against the wall behind her and shot him a half-hearted glare.

The corner of his lip lifted slightly. He sat down in front of her, resting his back on something invisible to her and outstretching his legs to parallel hers.

He eyed her hands carefully and pointed at the cards in them.

“From Corellia?” he asked.

Rey looked down at the yellow paper, noticing how some of the cards had tips ripped off and their archaic drawings were fading. They hadn’t been made on Hoth, for sure.

“I wouldn’t know,” she said, still staring at the illustrations.

He held out a hand and looked at her in expectation. She stared back at him and blinked. They had avoided touching skin to skin for so long that even that simple request took her by surprise.

Snapping out of it, she extended her arm with a few cards between her fingers. His hands met hers halfway, his thumb grazing her finger. Rey felt the spread of goosebumps as a chill rolled down her spine.

Just like she remembered.

He retracted his arm at once, staring at the cards with too much attention. He glanced at her for a brief moment, before quickly dropping his gaze back to the cards as he cleared his throat.

“What do you usually play?” His eyes remained on the cards he was organizing in his hands, swapping the second and the fourth card.

Rey froze. Ben continued reordering his cards, waiting for her response.

“Hmm…” She tilted her head. “I don’t know any games.”

Ben stopped his motions and shot his head up. “You’ve been working for years with soldiers and you haven’t learned any card games?” The ghost of a smirk threatened to show on his lips. “What sort of rogue army are you people running?”

A chuckle escaped her and her heart raced. Kylo’s usually dark and serious eyes gleamed and crinkled at the corners. What an odd conversation they found themselves in.

Especially considering how their last one had turned out.

Rey’s mouth formed a smile in reply, and a warm energy passed between them. She couldn’t ignore how handsome he looked with a glimpse of light and happiness, just enough for her to picture how young and carefree he could be. Her heart fluttered with a sense of belonging, and she was suddenly out of breath. Color rose to her cheeks, and she dropped her head, fiddling with the cards spread on the floor.

She gathered them in her hands and stared at him. “Teach me something then.”

His mouth hung open and Rey almost laughed again. She half wanted to joke about him finally becoming her teacher, but decided against it so as not to break whatever crazy spell they were in.

He clamped his lips together, eyes filled with mirth as he leveled the cards in his hands with his gaze. “Very well.”

 

* * *

Listening to the ambient sounds around them, they played in silence. The sun was setting, gradually taking the colors of the day with it.

Kylo flipped the card on the pile beside him. “It’s coming to an end.” His voice was low and gentle. “Can you feel it too?”

She paused her hand midair, glancing at him before resuming her previous motions and drawing a card from the deck.

Rey looked at it before sorting it on her hand and replied, “Yes.”

As he picked three cards from his hand and spread them on the floor, a question reverberated in her mind. She wasn’t sure if it was hers or his or both. And she wasn’t sure why she didn’t stop the words from spilling out, they would only end in heartbreak.

“When the time comes,” she paused, “Would you kill me?”

Kylo straightened up and leaned on the backrest behind him and stared deep into her eyes.

“No,” he said.

Rey drew a sharp breath, and the world spun.

His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down as he swallowed. “What about you? Will you kill me?”

Hot and cold waves passed across her body and her throat constricted. The answer got stuck in her mouth, suffocating her. It wouldn’t come out, it couldn’t come out, not now.

But before desperation drowned her, the bond began to close.

And the last image she would remember, one that would leave an imprint in her mind, were his eyes reflecting the copper sun as he faded. And the sound of their heartbeats racing, vibrating like a chord within the bond.

She squeezed her eyes shut as the sun finally fell beneath the horizon and the Force cut their connection.

Then there was darkness.

Rey took a deep breath, then two, unable to calm herself.

A metallic clank startled her.

Rey whirled around towards the sound, but there was nothing in sight aside from X and A-wings. It wasn’t until a low cursing echoed that a small mustard colored jumpsuit made itself apparent.

The Jedi tried to slow her breathing as Rose stepped out from behind an A-wing.

“How much of it did you hear?”

Rose scratched her neck and squirmed.

“Nothing. I just got here,” she said before turning around in a swift motion.

Rey nodded, even if Rose couldn’t see. She didn’t believe the mechanic at all, but she was used to watching her friend run from her, and let her be. She fingered the edge of a torn-up card as the other girl left.

That is, until Rose came to a stop, her toes lifting with the abrupt movement.

She twirled back around in a storm, walking towards Rey with one index finger in the air and a lopsided grimace on her face. “Actually, that’s a lie.”

Rey blinked. “Okay…”

Rose, still with a raised finger, opened her mouth, took a deep breath, then stopped. Her eyes were drawn to an object on the ground. “That card is cut in half.” She frowned.

Rey followed her gaze to a small piece of paper cut unnaturally. She traced her fingers along the diagonal cut that divided the picture in half. Despite the anguish in which her conversation with Ben had ended, she smiled softly at it. She realized he had took part of the deck with him when their connection closed.

It was oddly comforting to know that somewhere across the galaxy, Kylo Ren had a bunch of old sabacc cards to take care of.

Rose’s hands fell to her sides. “You could have hurt him. You could have killed him.”

The Jedi only sighed in answer.

Her friend continued, “All these years, you could have killed him. The war would be over- “

“It’s not that simple.” Rey raised her head and her voice. Even if it should be, she thought.

“No, that’s not what I meant.” Rose shook her head and licked her lip.

The air between them stilled, the distant pacing and chatter of the base the only sound around them. Rose glanced at Rey, then at the cards. “And he could have killed you.” She wrinkled her forehead and her voice went quiet. “He could have killed you.”

Rose still stared at the space beside Rey in a trance, then she shook her head.

“Anyway, I just wanted to say that... I’ve been angry at you for so long.” She clasped her hands together and squeezed them. “Ever since I heard about the-” the connection, the bond, the relationship, whatever it was. “With you and Kylo Ren. And I know it’s not your fault, but I couldn’t help it. The First Order took everything from me.”

Her eyes glistened as she continued, “But I think I didn’t even realize… this isn’t about the First Order, is it? Or the Resistance, or the war, or any of it. Is it?”

Rose stared into her friend’s eyes, her small frame all fierce and sharp. Rey looked away and didn’t reply.

“It’s about you and him,” the mechanic said. “And I think we’ve been fighting this war all wrong.”

When Rey looked up, Rose was beaming and her round cheeks lifted with a smile.

“Maybe it’s not your Jedi training that will help us win after all,” Rose said.

Rey’s lips parted, and relief flowed freely in her for once. Maybe she could hope everything wouldn’t end in loneliness, pain and tragedy.

Rose walked away with light steps, her jumpsuit a burst of color in a gray view.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: *Robb Stark’s voice* Plot is coming for you


	9. Finn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, as always, Sarah (@bergersteen on twitter) and Nicki (@notnicorette on twitter) <3

One thing was for sure: she had to talk to Finn.

No more delays. She was ready, or as ready as she’d ever be.

There was no more time.

* * *

 

The main conference room had never been so full. All members of the Resistance on that base wanted to be aware of every final detail of the plan. They went over pilots, shields, ground defense, air offense, escape routes.

“The distress signal will be transmitted tomorrow at 8:00 hours.” Leia motioned her head at Rey. “Will you be ready then?”

The girl set her jaw. “Yes.”

The General turned back to the audience. “All matters are settled, then. Rest this evening, as tomorrow, we’ll fight. And may the Force be with us.”

One by one, the rebels stood up and the room filled with chatter. Rey looked around for her friends, spotting them in time to see Finn rushing out.

She strode after him, fast enough that his back was still visible as she rounded the corner. Rey stood on her tiptoes. “Finn!”

He stopped for a millisecond before he resumed walking, faster that time.

Rey shook her head, then raised her chin as a sea of people walked past her. Her eyes were focused on the retreating silhouette of her friend.

“Finn!” she called again, before breaking into a run.

The ex-stormtrooper turned right, and she followed. Rey reached for his arm and walked around him until they were face to face.

He halted, glanced at her, but soon averted his eyes to look at the wall.

“We can’t do this, we can’t go to war not talking to each other. Not us,” she said.

Finn glared at her, shrugging her hand off. “It wasn’t me that started ‘not talking’, Rey.”

She looked at her feet. “I’m trying to fix that. So, can we talk now?” She gazed back at him. “Please.”

After a sigh, he nodded.

* * *

 

Rey tugged on a leaf and the flowers around it jiggled in a blur of vibrant colors. Droplets of water fell on her face as she watched the swirl of pink, orange and yellow.

“It’s sad to think all this won’t be here tomorrow,” she said as her fingers caressed a petal in hopes her skin would memorize the velvety texture.

Finn grunted and put his hands on his hips. The quiet place they had found away from the base just didn’t emanate magic and peace like it used to. He side eyed the battered wooden chairs they had carried all the way to this small clearing during the year after Crait.

His mind was filled with memories of the days he and his friends spent here. When Poe would cross his arms behind his head, close his eyes, and yell at anyone within earshot to not disturb him for at least two hours. The same place where he told Rose he loved her for the first time.

A place where he found Rey crying over her parents countless times, and where she found him punching tree after tree yelling over his. Those were the times they spent the entire night talking. Even with the harsh wind and the scary looking birds, the pitch black sky would always turn back to light blue as they stayed beside each other.

Those were the moments when Finn learned what friendship meant. It was more than just a good emotion, or a person to make you smile; it was even more than having someone to fight and die for. It was laying yourself bare, without fear of being rejected because of your past, your ideas, your feelings. It was having someone that wouldn’t always understand you, but would always care enough to try.

She was the one who taught him that.

He clenched his jaw. “Rey.” They sure weren’t there to talk about the pretty flowers.

She closed her eyes briefly and turned to him. “Sorry, I-” she scratched her forearm as she stuttered. “I don’t know where to start.” She left her hand resting on the trunk beside her.

Finn raised his eyebrows. “Why don’t you begin from the part where you didn’t trust me.”

Rey shook her head. “No, that wasn’t it.” She took quick steps towards him. “Finn-“

“No.” he held his hand up then dropped his arms to his sides and walked aimlessly in a raging pace. “I thought you knew, Rey. None of it mattered to me before. The First Order, the Resistance. I only cared about you.” He stared deeply into her eyes. “You are my best friend, my first friend. It still doesn’t matter to me. How could you not know that?”

Rey took a shaky breath, “Finn-“

He stiffened his back. “No, Rey- “

“No.” She walked to him, teeth grinding and nostrils flaring. “You’re not listening. I told you that’s not what this is about.”

His shoulders fell, and he looked he wanted to listen for the first time since discovering Rey’s connection to Kylo Ren.

“That day, I didn’t tell Leia everything,” Rey said. At Finn’s scrunched eyebrows, she continued. “I didn’t go to him just because I thought he was our last hope, even if that was the main goal.” She stared down at her hands. “He made me feel less lonely.”

Finn blinked, he raised a hand to reach her shoulder, but it was her turn to step away.

She placed the heel of her palm on her forehead. “I know what you’re going to say. I know I have you, and Rose, and Poe, and Leia. I have the entire Resistance. But it’s different.” She swallowed hard and gazed at him. “All of you, you understand what your roles in all this are. You get to choose if you want any roles in it at all.”

Finn gulped, remembering a time when all he wanted to do was run.

“I don’t get to choose anything.” She grimaced. “I have this-” she motioned around herself, “inside me and I can’t hide it, and I have no idea where it comes from.” An anxious energy buzzed and surrounded her as if the Force responded to her anguish. “And it’s not just about choosing or everyone expecting me to have super powers that will save them. It’s an…awareness that never ends, a pull. And nothing in the galaxy feels the same to me.”

Her friend stood motionless now. He leaned on the tree beside him with a heavy crease between his brows.

“And I thought that if I finally understood my past, I would understand everything else.” Rey sighed. “All my life I’ve waited to find out about my past. And when I first discovered the Force, I needed that more than ever. But Luke didn’t seem like he’d give me any answers, or even wanted to. So, I told…him.” She bit her lip. Her voice came out softly at the pronoun, breathless enough for Finn to get that she didn’t mean Luke. “I told him about my doubts, the little I learned about my past. And he told me about his.”

Rey headed for their old chairs and sat down. Finn followed her lead and settled beside her. He looked at her with bated breath, waiting for her continuation. Birds chirped around them and butterflies fluttered their wings, but the Jedi only watched the ground.

“Luke thought about killing him when he was still his padawan,” she said. Finn released a sharp breath, but she continued before any interjection. “Luke saw darkness in his mind, and when he did, he almost acted on his fears. He didn’t hurt him, but it was too late. When you wake up to your uncle holding a lightsaber above your head, there’s not enough time to clear up misunderstandings, is there?” She stared ahead at the never-ending green and yellow under the burning sun.

The beauty between the violence.

“But what if-” Finn whispered.

Rey shook her head. “He didn’t lie. I asked Luke.” She looked at him, watching as Finn closed his mouth and blinked, taking in the world of information she had given him.

“And I felt it in him,” Rey said as she rested her elbows on her thighs and stared straight into her friend’s eyes. “I felt the conflict in him. I could feel in him what I feel in me. The confusion, the loneliness, the fear. But when we are together, it all quiets down.” Her eyes burned as she remembered her feelings around him at that time. Feelings that still existed every time she was with him.

“I wanted to believe he would turn. So, one day I reached for him, he took my hand and I-” her voice wavered as her vision blurred. “I saw his future, solid and clear as I see you and me right here. He was free of Snoke, of the war, of the dark side.” Her heart hammered at the memory. “Him and me.”

Finn’s eyes widened, and she dropped her head. There was a sliver of wood splintering off the arm of her chair and she started fiddling with it.

“I went to the Supremacy sure he would turn, that we could end the war. And he did kill Snoke, but his plans were different than mine. He thought I would be the one who would turn.” Her grip tightened around the splinter until her skin burned. “He asked me to rule the galaxy with him and I said no.” She chuckled humorlessly, jerking her hand away from the chair when blood spilled from her palm.

“Rey-“

“I could have killed him, Finn.” She lifted her head to him, tears falling as she sniffed. “We fought, that was how Luke’s…Anakin’s saber broke and sent us both flying. When I woke up, he was still unconscious. I could have ended everything, but I didn’t. I just ran.” The last word broke as she said it, a half sob she tried to swallow.

“You feel something for him,” Finn stated.

She moistened her bottom lip with her tongue, tasting the salt of her tears.

Then, she nodded.

Rey sagged back in her chair, her chest rising as she inhaled. “It’s because you’re my best friend that I knew you would know. I knew you would say it.” She wiped her face with a thumb and grimaced. “And I wasn’t ready to hear it.”

He stared at her. “Are you ready now?”

“More than I was before at least,” she replied.

“What about tomorrow, what are you going to do?”

She clenched her jaw. “He won’t come tomorrow.”

Finn sighed, eying her carefully. “I know that’s what everybody thinks but what if-“

“What should I do then? Abandon our friends? Abandon the people that trust me.” She looked at him, “If you have an alternative for me, just say it, because I have no idea. He made his choice, Finn, over and over. He had years to leave the First Order if he wanted to, but he didn’t. And we can’t let the First Order run free anymore. People are counting on us, on me. And if he comes tomorrow I-” she stuttered before closing her mouth.

Her friend set his lips in a thin line. He took a deep breath and nodded curtly. “He’s not going to show up tomorrow.”

Rey replied with an exaggerated nod. “He’s not going to show up tomorrow.”

Finn then watched as she stared ahead while clasping her hands on her lap. One of her thumbs had a red blood stain from the wood of her chair. He realized all anger and resentment had fled him, leaving only sadness in their wake.

There were few things as hurtful as not being able to help a friend in need, but he couldn’t talk Kylo Ren into changing his mind. He couldn’t stop the war that separated their sides. He couldn’t unmake Rey’s feelings.

So, he took a deep breath, placed his hands on the armrests and pushed himself off his seat, making his chair creak with the movement. He stood in front of Rey, who then looked up at him. He held out his hand with a smile.

There was still one thing he could do.

“Well, I believe the General told us to enjoy our evening. Let’s do that and call our friends to join us. Maybe we can forget everything for one night.”

Rey smiled back and took his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: aaaaaaaaaaaaaw. I love Finn and Rey’s friendship okay. I feel like my hufflepuff heart was screaming in this chapter.
> 
> Very well my friends, now that i brought enough softness to you, your siblings, your parents, your cousins, your parrots, your dogs and the cousins of your dogs……………………..
> 
> *Jon snow’s voice* Plot is coming.
> 
> For real this time. You’re gonna figure out this fic is way crazier than it seems.
> 
> (but softness will always stay with us)
> 
> See you then!


	10. Iron Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plot shows up with a punch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is going to be insane 
> 
> Soo…. by now you guys realized i really love emotion. So, know that when i use plot it is FOR the emotion, not the other way around. Now, knowing this, take my hand, i’m not gonna throw a lord of the rings at you out of the blue, let’s go through this together.
> 
> (PS: if anyone has questions while reading this, please wait until my comments at the end of the chapter)
> 
> And Thank you, thank you, thank you Sarah (@bergersteen on twitter) and Nicki (@notnicorette on twitter) for your amazing help, and for putting up with me :)

The plan wasn’t simple.

After the battle of Crait and the near decimation of the Resistance, the rebels didn’t have the manpower or the money to organize an attack that would leave even a scratch on the First Order. They needed time, but within their first months of rebuilding and recruitment they realized that if the process remained at that speed, it would take years before they could present a decent threat to the organization that terrified the entire galaxy.

If they managed to create a big enough weapon to aim at the important military assets of their enemy and cripple their forces for good, then they would have a shot at ending the war sooner. Then they could finally free the galaxy. Even the most righteous members of the Resistance had their weak moments when they wished they had a Death Star in their hands to obliterate the First Order. But, well, they didn’t have a Death Star.

However, they did have a dying star.

It took a while for Rey to notice it. In between their journeys to abandoned and desolate planets sometimes she would sense…the indescribable. Like a leashed scream pulling on its restraints, stirring up more and more trapped energy. It wasn’t until the end of their first year of traveling that Rey pinpointed the source of that immense and expanding disturbance.

The sun.

Looking back, she should have realized it sooner.

Despite belonging to the Unknown Regions, the star that illuminated Sanah’s system wasn’t inconspicuous. Nyehus was one of the galaxy’s known red supergiant stars, and the reason Sanah was the perfect hiding spot. While the planet was still somewhat habitable, its violent stellar winds and heat caused by the sun made it a less than preferable place to live.

And so, Sanah was forgotten. Which was ideal for the rebels, who had to find locations to escape the eyes and ears of the First Order.

There had been no reason to believe anything regarding that sun would change. Because once a star began to die and expand into a giant, they stayed in that state for millions of years. Neyhus had been dying since the eldest member of the Resistance was born, and their father, and their grandfather before that. And it should stay like that for ages to come.

No one expects a catastrophic change until it happens.

 

“The Jedi Rey senses it right. It seems that Nyehus has begun its neon fusion.” Selyne read the datapad in her hands as deep creases formed on her forehead.

Under the watchful eye of the First Order, it had been difficult to find and recruit new analysts whose knowledge was thorough and dangerous enough to be used in war. Selyne was one of them. Luckily for the Resistance, it hadn’t been hard to convince a woman who was saved, along with her entire Academy, by a very fortunate field trip during the Hosnian Cataclysm.

The other was her former classmate Tom, who currently tapped at his datapad furiously, unwilling to believe the calculations in front of his eyes.

“No, it can’t be possible. It wasn’t supposed to end its death cycle for hundreds of-“ he said.

“Not necessarily. Nyehus is a big star, it was bound to run out of fuel faster than most we know.” Selyne replied.

“Can anyone please explain?” Finn squeaked as the two technicians argued and the rest of the leadership watched and waited for their results.

“Stars are big balls of chemical energy; the fusion of elements that happen in their core is what ultimately allows them to create light-”

Finn made a motion with his hand for them to skip the basics. Selyne looked around to the other faces listening to their explanations and found Leia nodding for them to move to the more crucial parts of their findings.

“Stars have a limited time of life until they die, and their cycle depends on what elements are undergoing fusion in their core, so in big stars like ours it starts with hydrogen then it turns to helium, carbon, neon, oxygen, silicon, iron, then…”

“Boom.” Tom said with raised eyebrows.

Rose was biting her nails at this point and Poe rested his hands on his hips with a huff. No advanced knowledge was needed to understand what that explosion meant.

“But you said neon, right? Then, there’s time-” Finn started

“Not all stars last long enough to get to iron. They have varying levels of stability. And even if they do last that long, fusion doesn’t happen in equal amounts of time for each element. The further the star core is in the cycle, the faster it happens. If we’re at neon now that means…” Selyne looked at Tom.

“That means we have from one to three years until it’s oxygen, or even less because we don’t know when this whole ‘phase’ started.” He indicated the quotation marks with his fingers up in the air as he rolled his eyes. “When we get to oxygen we will have from 3 to 6 months, and after that there’s silicon, which leaves us approximately five days until it turns to iron and when it turns to iron, boy. When it turns to iron we have…”

“Seconds. Literally. We will have about ten seconds until our entire system gets caught in the explosion.” Selyne continued.

Silence fell over the group as they looked at each other and considered what this meant.

“We need to search for another base, right?” Rose said, lifting her gaze to the other leaders and technicians around her. “We lost Hoth already, and now we will lose Sanah. We need to find another base.”

A few heads nodded but Poe furrowed his eyebrows and raised his chin. “Or we could use this.”

“Use?“ Finn blinked twice.

“You want to use…a supernova?” Rose asked slowly believing she must have heard him wrong.

The dashing pilot looked around them and crossed his arms in front of his chest. “It’s like we have a bomb. We just have to lure the First Order here and run away before it blows.”

“Assuming we are insanely lucky and the sun doesn’t get too unstable before that.” Tom interrupted with a tilt of his head. “Did you hear the part where it takes 10 seconds for it to go off?”

Selyne and Leia rolled their eyes, more accustomed to his brashness than the others.

“Yes, but we have a Jedi.” He motioned to Rey. “She’s the one that…you know-” he gestured around her, “-sensed this. Maybe she can sense when the sun is changing, too, and if there’s something wrong. We can use other bases in the meantime, but keep a close look on this one in case we can use this explosion in our favor.”

Leia placed a hand on her chin, her wrinkles seeming deeper and deeper the longer the war lasted. “Even if we don’t stay on base, and Rey is able to sense the changes within Nyehus, we would still have to mobilize part of our troops here. And 10 seconds is still too little time for her to sense such a thing and for our ships to escape, Commander.”

“I can do it.”

Finn whipped his head around and sputtered, “Rey-”

Rey had spent an entire year reading books and not much else. She saw the hopelessness in her friends’ faces, and the fear spreading in the galaxy. She saw how, even if they wouldn’t say it, they all waited on her.

And the girl herself had waited and waited to find her place in all of that, and now there was an opportunity. Rey knew she could meditate and focus on the star. If it was possible to sense Sanah’s light, darkness, the living things, and everything in between, it was possible to sense its sun. She had already felt Nyehus without even trying. All that was needed was to figure out the right time for their attack.

She pressed her lips in a thin line. “If we evacuate the base earlier, leaving only essential personnel, we can still make it look like they’ve found us. We lure them in and stay with our ships in orbit above planet, so when they arrive they will attack us first and won’t notice there’s no one on the base. We leave all Resistance ships with a pre-calculated destination for the hyperspace jump, so when the time comes, and it’s close to the explosion, we will be ready to escape, but the First Order won’t.” She looked at the technicians. “A hyperspace jump would be faster than the explosion, am I correct?”

“Yes.” Tom answered scratching his chin.

Everyone looked at her in varying states of wonder, from sheer excitement coming from Poe to utter worry rolling off in waves from Finn.

“I don’t want to state the obvious,” Rose interjected, “But if you can feel there’s something wrong with the sun, can’t Kylo Ren feel it too?”

Before Rey could reply, Leia spoke for her:

“He wouldn’t join the first team that intercepts our signal,” she answered too quickly, then paused. “If we follow Commander Dameron’s plan, we would have to release a decoy signal, and they would then call a survey team. Once they confirm we are here they would call all units close to our location. But they won’t put their…” she cleared her throat, “Supreme Leader in harm’s way again unless necessary. Snoke didn’t direct his ship to battle until needed, and it still cost his life. They won’t risk another leadership change that destabilizes their ranks.”

“But, we can still do a lot of damage if we have enough time and they call for backup.” Poe smirked, “We could get to General Huggs.”

Everyone in the room exchanged looks again. The plan still needed a few adjustments, and the crew needed time to get used to the madness of it. But they all agreed on one conclusion.

It wasn’t impossible.

* * *

 

That was then.

Rey closed her eyes at the memory. She inhaled deeply, allowing the smell of oil and metal to fill her senses. She hit the power switch.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to pilot?” Poe asked from his seat beside her, one eyebrow raised.

Rey swallowed hard and focused on the view ahead of her. “Don’t worry, you’ll have your fun later. For now,” she looked at the control panel, “I just need something to do with my hands.”

Their U-wing was one of the oldest ships available in the Resistance fleet, but it had everything the duo needed: a cloaking device, a hyperdrive, and discretion. And, much to Poe’s dismay, discretion was key since they were the only ones in the mission not assigned to blow things up.

Discretion and also silence so Rey could concentrate. So much silence, in fact, that he was forced to part from his usual companion, BB-8, and leave him with Leia. The General, in turn, left C-3PO and R2 with Chewie so she wouldn’t lose her sanity around so many impertinent droids.

But, despite his passion for adventure and his love for BB-8, the best pilot of the Resistance had the responsibility of aiding and protecting their best asset when she would be too occupied to do it herself.

As they rose above ground, he hunched his shoulders and he mumbled, “I hope I don’t have too much fun.”

At 7:47 Standard Time they were in Sanah’s orbit. In 13 minutes, they’d release a poorly covered distress signal and wait for the First Order to take the bait. Rey had sensed the sun core change for a second time four days prior, which meant they were likely witnessing Nyehus’ last day. Should anything go wrong - from the core changing too quickly or too slowly - all the remaining Resistance ships would jump to hyperspace to their calculated destination: a middle point between Sanah and their intended base.

Knowing their adversary could still have the technology to track them through hyperspace, they took all measures necessary to ensure the safety and secrecy of their other bases.

Rey turned off the lights onboard and turned on their cloaking device. She took a deep breath and watched the darkness of space, their ally ships moving to their designated places, and the beige-green tones of Sanah. Then there was the sun. That blood-red crackling sphere looming above them was a scary view as it was, but even more terrifying now that they knew the secrets it kept.

Its bright orange flames reflected on Poe’s brown eyes. “You ready?” he asked.

She looked at him and nodded. The Jedi stood up and motioned to the pilot seat.

“All yours,” she said.

He stared at it for a moment, his chest rose and fell before he flopped on the chair. All his muscles were rigid as he watched the space in front of them.

“I’ll be ready.”

“I’m counting on it,” she replied before heading to the rear of the ship.

She looked around at the available seats, unable to decide on one. Rey then just grabbed a pillow and dropped it on the floor. By the time she sat on it, Leia’s voice rang from the comms through the ship informing them that it was 8:00 and their decoy had been transmitted.

There wasn’t much to do now other than meditate and wait for the others to perform their roles as she performed hers. So, Rey just crossed her legs and closed her eyes.

Everything was hesitant in the Force. She felt the space and the emptiness within it, Sanah and the life forms it carried, each spaceship the Resistance had in orbit and the people inside them, and finally, the sun.

Once she focused on Nyehus, she let go of everything else. She listened to its death song, one that was now familiar after she took over a year to study, memorize, and understand it. Every day she had reached for it until she could distinguish its general restlessness from the moments when it changed completely, first once, then twice. Now Rey waited for the third time it would change. The last time before it died.

The young woman released a breath. It was different now, the song. Ever since the newest shift, desperation clawed at her insides whenever she came in touch with it, but she couldn’t release her grasp. The plan and the lives of everyone that took part in it depended on her focus.

Minutes or hours went by, she couldn’t tell, but she didn’t move. Not until she felt something. Not the fiery star, but new life forms appearing in the Force. At first just a few blinking lights, but then more, and more, and more until a sea surrounded them.

She forced herself to ignore them. A prickle of sweat ran from her forehead to her chin, but she didn’t acknowledge it. There wasn’t time to feel, to speak, or even think the obvious.

The First Order had taken the bait.

A war was about to start, but it wasn’t her or Poe’s concern. It wasn’t their job. Others would fight while she would stay there and be ready to warn them when it was time to run. And Poe would be her eyes, ears, and pilot while she shut herself off from the world. Rey just focused on the sun’s presence and lost track of time again.

By the time more life forms sparked in the Force again, her face was drenched in sweat from both the effort and the increasing heat the sun emanated. Rey would only allow herself to break concentration when she transmitted the escape signal, but she gave herself a moment to think something must have gone right. They had called for backup.

Which meant she had also only one moment to wish those backups didn’t include their Supreme Leader.

As if on cue, a known pressure in the Force pushed and pulled and her eardrums vibrated with an echoing. Rey blocked it with all her will, and a gasp escaped her lips as she fought to concentrate on the solar fusion while also keeping him out.

The Force had the _worst_ timing.

But something was odd. Rey tilted her head and wrinkled her glistening forehead with her eyes shut. Their connection wasn’t an accident this time. It was as if there was a door in the middle of their bond, and he was slamming on it.

She didn’t know what was happening, but she knew one thing: if she saw him at that moment and broke her concentration, everyone in their system was going to die.

Rey pulled the handle on the other side, not allowing him to open it. Her jaw hurt from clenching it, the pain radiating into her teeth, and she tasted blood on her tongue. For a while she was able to stay in control of the situation despite the excruciating pain. That is, until a blaster fired.

The Jedi opened her eyes at once and stood up. Hyperventilating, she zeroed in on the figure in front of her.

“Ben?” It slipped before she stopped herself.

He was huddled on the floor, hands hidden somewhere around his abdomen and under his black cloak. The Supreme Leader looked ahead of himself, and Rey could only see his profile, but his long hair was disheveled and falling over his eyes. It fluttered with every deep breath he released through his nose, and he glared at something in front of him with gritted teeth.

Something was wrong.

Part of her recalled that things should indeed be wrong on his side; that was what they wanted. Even if she, personally and secretly, wished he was nowhere near the Resistance or their secret weapon. But she dismissed that idea along with all her logic.

Without as much as a second thought, her chest turned to ice, muddling her senses until she could barely register the steps approaching her as she yelled, “Ben!”.

An alarm rang, red lights flashed, and Ben’s eyebrow furrowed.

“Ben?” Poe’s voice asked beside her.

Her bottom lip quivered, and she bit it, staring at the Supreme Leader. “Something is not right.”

The alarms roared louder. Ben looked around then stood up, dropping his hands to his sides. There didn’t seem to be any blood on him and he seemed to be unharmed, to Rey’s relief. He finally looked at her, his shoulders sagged as he panted.

“Yeah.” Poe chuckled sharply and waved his hands around. “Something is not right, alright. You dropped your Jedi…thing!”

The pilot scrunched his eyebrows together at her more-than-intense stare at the spaceship wall ahead of her.

“He’s not here. Rey, he’s not here,” he said, hoping to get through to her, despite her trance-like state.

“Ben, what is happening?” she asked, ignoring her friend. The Jedi knew it didn‘t make any sense, that the obvious conclusion was that he had come there to be caught up in their scheme. But she knew, she knew that wasn‘t it.

The wrinkles on Poe’s forehead deepened. A flash of light blazed through the ship forward viewport, reflecting bright yellow on his face. He turned to look at a dreadnought crashing right in front of them.

Rey remained staring at her bondmate. He stared back, his breathing loud to her even with the sirens.

“Whatever your plan is, I suggest you run,” Ben said. “They will find you.”

She jerked her head back. Out of everything that could have come out of his mouth, she didn’t expect that. “I’m not going to run.”

The corner of his lips twitched in a hint of a smirk, but he was gone before a reply came.

Rey blinked, then looked at Poe with her heart in her throat. “Is our cloaking device still active?”

He tilted his head, “Wha-”

Their ship shook, making them both fall to the floor. The pilot propped himself up on his elbows, squinting around as Rey groaned.

“This isn’t good.” He stood up at once and darted to the cockpit.

Another shot exploded on the right side of their ship as Poe pushed more and more buttons. Of course that stupid ancient thing would pick that moment to have a cloaking system failure, among other things.

He shook his head. “This isn’t good…this isn’t good.”

A blast of pain suddenly pierced Rey’s lungs to the point that she almost vomited. It was just what she needed to bring her back to the present, because she was as distracted as she could be before.

As a wave of death and fear engulfed her senses, she croaked out, “Poe, now.”

“What?” He turned to her while catching his breath.

“The sun.” She gasped and clutched her chest. “Now!”

His eyes widened, and he opened all communication channels with a flick of his finger, “Phase 9 is a go, I repeat Phase 9 is a go.” His voice wavered as he closed his hand around the hyperdrive lever. “If you were asleep during the meetings, that means the sun is about to blow.”

The ship shuddered violently with one more blast as Rey reckoned that was yet another day her bond with Ben caused her trouble. She chewed the inside of her cheek, as she remembered that time was of the essence and she could have gotten them all killed with her distraction.

But worst of all, even though Ben Solo was the cause of so many of her distresses, including this very war and the near death experience they were living, she was completely distraught not knowing what was happening on his side.

“Don’t worry about it.” Poe said as if reading her mind, or maybe just her sour expression. “We aren’t behind schedule.”

He puffed his chest and, as they watched several Resistance ships disappear in rays of light, he pulled the hyperdrive lever.

And nothing happened.

The pilot stared at that rusty piece of metal with utter betrayal written on his face. They both then looked ahead, the sun brightening to a terrifying shade.

Their spaceship suddenly jolted and all remaining lights went dark as the control panel turned off.

Poe gazed at the ceiling, with his throat so tight he could only croak a shaky, “I have a bad feeling about this.”

Rey was about to speak out loud their shared fear, that they were going to die along with whatever First Order ship had just apprehended them.

But, then, they jumped to hyperspace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *nervous laughter* hi, so how is everyone doing? Good? Good?
> 
> I was going to add a lot of curiosities (just curiosities!) about the research I had to do for this story but I realized the too big notes might freak some people out ;) 
> 
> So I'm just going to say this: YES i read astrophysics articles and videos about the subject; yes I interchanged the terms supergiant and giant even tho they are (very) different because for people that don't know the subject supergiant would sound weird at first; and YES there are a thousand variables (mass loss, star rotation, heat change, volume change, color change) I didn't comment or considered for the story or I'd go INSANE and but I'm pretty sure the Star Wars movies don't either.
> 
> And believe me i tried to be the LESS technical possible so I wouldn't bore you. I just had to add the important parts so you'd understand their plan  
>  
> 
> Alright see you soon, byebye!


	11. The Answer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Sarah (@bergersteen on twitter) and Nicki (@notnicorette on twitter) for helping me through my insanity

It took a while for the shock to wear off and for Rey’s chest to stop feeling like it would turn inside out after what she experienced.

“So…out of curiosity, would you rather die by a thousand Stormtrooper blaster shots or in a supernova?”

Rey glowered at Poe.

He threw his hands in surrender and shrugged. “What? They are both equally possible right now. We don’t know where they are jumping to.” His voice dropped to a mumble, “And taking us along for the ride.”

“If their destination is farther than 30.6 parsecs, we will be safe from the explosion. And it should be, because if our information was correct, there shouldn’t be any inhabited planets within a 40 parsec radius. If there is, we’ve sentenced an entire population to death by not warning them about what is coming,” she bit out.

The pilot stared at her with a dropped jaw before shutting his mouth. “Stormtrooper blaster shots it is, then.”

Before Rey could retort, she paused, realizing they had remained unbothered inside their ship for a considerable amount of time. “Shouldn’t they be here by now? Why has no one come to collect us?”

Poe wrinkled his forehead and looked around them as if their surroundings would give them answers. Rey then stood up and walked towards the boarding ramp which would lead to the Star Destroyer that had abducted them.

“What are you doing?” Poe asked as she didn’t stop. “Rey!”

As Rey exited their U-wing and headed to the empty hallway, she stopped when a presence in the Force sparked.

Only, it couldn’t be it. It better not be it.

The Jedi ignored that feeling and kept walking forward, mostly running on adrenaline and the need to do anything to occupy her mind. Poe had caught up to her by the time she ended up in the main hangar, both of them arriving to complete chaos.

Fire and smoke dotted a few spots around docked TIEs, or what was left of them. Dark round marks and holes sprayed the walls, for sure the reminders of an earlier conflict with blaster shots. There were unmoving stormtrooper bodies scattered everywhere, while two of them - that were still alive - ran past them to who knows where.

But that was nothing compared to the battered grey freighter beside the gate.

“Is that-?” Poe trailed off, squinting.

“Yes,” Rey breathed out. The Falcon.

She remembered well who was supposed to be in it during their operation. The fact that it looked intact did little to calm her nerves.

They headed towards it, and when the left side of the ship came into view, a sharp gasp escaped her lips.

By the opening ramp were Finn, Rose, and Chewie. They kneeled with their wrists planted stiffly by their sides as they glared at the dark figure in front of them.

Kylo.

Rey’s heart leapt before taking a dive into the pit of her stomach. For a moment she just stood watching the scene, torn between relief and worry.

She furrowed her eyebrows, focusing on how her restrained friends stared at him in anger. The conclusion as to what was happening there was obvious, it just ached to accept it.

“That bastard,” Poe spat.

Rey let out a shaky breath and her hands closed into fists by her sides. After everything, everything she had doubted and risked because of him, every hesitation to do the right thing because of their connection, every night spent awake mulling over harsh decisions and the friendships she almost lost over her attachment to him, after all he had told her that she forced herself to ignore because if she believed him for just one second she would take off on any ship available and-

And to what end? He holding Finn, Rose, and Chewie hostage. He was their enemy.

After everything, Kylo wasn’t doing this. He didn’t get to continue just fine on his side, not making sacrifices, not caring if he upset her and harmed the ones she cared about.

He didn’t get to take the Falcon. He didn’t get to take _them_.

Her vision tunneled and all she saw was red. Before she knew it, her feet were running. Poe called her, but she didn’t stop.

Kylo turned around with wide eyes, “Rey.”

She lost her control as hurt and rage built up, hot and immense inside her chest. That day alone had taken a toll on her and now the conflict and fatigue of years snowballed, unleashing its darkness like…like a supernova.

Kylo sensed a dark swirl in the Force and raised his hands, “Rey-“

Maybe the Resistance was right all along, and so were the Jedi. Maybe there was no hope for those who had fallen. Maybe she should have been wishing he was left behind in the explosion.

She pulled her lightsaber from its holster and pounced.

He summoned his own weapon just in time to block her strike. Red and purple clashed, their energy flashing together as the hangar around them kept falling apart.

“Let them go.” She snarled between gritted teeth.

He furrowed his brows. “I don’t-“

She roared before breaking her saber free and aiming at his right side. He dodged her attack and took a step back as she pulled herself to her full height and advanced on him.

“Rey-“

She elbowed him in the chest, forcing him to stumble backwards. As she tried to keep her own balance, her weapon flung to his left, which he defended with a grunt. Kylo breathed deeply, pushing his lightsaber against hers as she created a high arc towards his head.

Then they were face to face. Flashes of red and purple shimmered against their skin, reflecting in their eyes. Rey gritted her teeth, glaring at him.

That look was too familiar. Her expression echoed to her fury from weeks prior when the Resistance found out about their bond, and to their first battle in the snow. Being the usual cause of it, Ben recognized when Rey was giving in to her dark impulses.

Ben just looked at her, realizing that it was time to approach things differently. He closed his eyes and inhaled. Rey watched him with a wrinkled forehead, and her grip on her weapon loosened.

He opened his eyes slowly and stared into hers. A wave of energy ran all over her body, making her wonder if it was just a feeling or if he had done something with the Force.

Before she could ponder on it for too long, the red crackling light disappeared at once and everything between them turned purple.

Rey stumbled forwards due to the lack of pressure opposing hers. She stomped her foot to steady herself and gasped. Still with her saber in front of his face she looked at his hand, and while it was up in the air, the crossguard hilt it held was switched off.

The Supreme Leader lowered his arm and dropped the lightsaber. As it hit the ground, a loud clunk reverberated across the hangar and she gazed back at him with her mouth slacked.

He raised his chin, dark strands falling down the side of his face, and brown irises reflecting the purple light.

“Do what you have to do,” he said. His voice lowered into a whisper as it usually did in moments with her. “Do it.”

The Jedi’s pulse raced, and her heart pounded against her ribcage.

She didn’t want to spend her entire life waiting for someone that would never come back. Not again. She had already wasted 19 years on that when the simple facts were telling her to quit. For the life of her, she couldn’t do it again. She couldn’t keep wishing Ben Solo would come back when he made the opposite choice at every opportunity.

But then he went and did things like that.

Her eyes welled up as she kept the saber at his throat, the purple blade shaking along with her hand. She let out a frustrated grunt, but Ben just stared back quietly.

He knew what she was feeling, what she was thinking. But he didn’t mind leaving his life in her hands if she needed that moment to make a choice once and for all.

She squeezed her eyes shut and let out a growl as she turned off her lightsaber and tossed it on the ground.

Ben exhaled a shaky breath as her friends’ gasps and protests filled the air.

Rey’s vision was blurred when she looked at Ben again. Not knowing what to do anymore, she grimaced and pressed her knuckles against her eyes.

“No,” her voice cracked, clogged with tears.

She stared at him. Ben not only told her he wouldn’t kill her, he proved his words weren‘t just talk. But watching him stare at her in shock made her realize he never thought her answer would be the same as his. And who could blame him? Rey didn’t want to admit it either.

She swallowed hard. “The last question you asked me, my answer is no,” she said.

His eyes widened, and she wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand and sniffed. Force, she was exhausted.

“But, can you please just let them go?” she asked, screwing her face as more tears fell from her eyes.

His shoulders relaxed and a collective dry sound of limbs hitting the floor followed. Rey glanced at Finn, Rose, and Chewie, piled in a tangled mess of gasps and groans after being released from their invisible restraints.

“Take the ship you came with, you and your friends. Set the course to any system away from here,” Ben said.

Rey blinked. It was as if they hadn’t both fought for their lives and surrendered to their respective enemy just seconds before. She didn’t even have time to retort as he walked past her.

She opened and shut her mouth. Trying to adjust to the complete change of mood, Rey spun around and marched after him.

“Ben!”

He came to a halt but didn’t turn around.

“What are you talking about? You capture my ship, take my friends as prisoners, release us...” she looked at the mess surrounding them. His muscles tensed up, but he still wouldn’t move, so she pushed, “What is happening?”

He turned to her but averted his eyes and carded a hand through his hair, rubbing his scalp in his typical gesture of frustration that she never dreamed he’d show in front of anyone but her.

“While I’m sure your Resistance’s plan must have been brilliant,” he said, spitting that name only a little compared to the rest of the times he ventured uttering it, “they didn’t factor in the fact that General Hux’s interests have deviated since their last encounter.”

Rey furrowed her eyebrows, trying to absorb what he was telling her. It didn’t go unnoticed that Ben was referring to Hux as opposing the Resistance, not himself, but other than that she was at a loss. She shook her head, “I don’t-“

Ben shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “There’s only one thing that the General hates more than the rebels.” He looked at her. “Me.”

She tilted her head back. “But-“

“Once the Resistance signal was intercepted, without my knowledge, of course, he got the opportunity he had been waiting for. He could track my mother and…you.” He shook his head and placed a hand on his forehead. “Once I stopped a few attempts against my life, I followed him. I gave the troops that are still loyal to me the order to intercept the Millenium Falcon should they come across it.”

“You thought I’d be in it,” Rey interrupted, as it all suddenly became too obvious. “You…” She swallowed hard, wrinkling her forehead. “You were trying to protect me.” The words came out of her mouth in a rush, as Rey was too stunned to hold them back.

Ben stared at her for a moment, then looked away again and clenched his jaw. “When the Force connected us, I realized my assessment was wrong, but my officers had already located and captured your friends.” He glanced behind her at the people in question. “Needless to say, I wasn’t received with the warmest greetings.”

Finn chuckled, muttering a few curses Rey couldn’t make out. She looked at Ben and noticed his hesitancy. More than that, she noticed-

“What about Leia?”

He pursed his lips, a nervous twitch Rey was also accustomed to by now. “I wasn’t able to locate her ship in time or stop General Hux from tracking it through hyperspace.”

Rey grimaced and looked down at her feet as if they’d somehow hold the answers to their situation.

“I’m going after them,” Ben said.

Her head shot up, and they just looked at each other.

“I’m going with you,” she said.

Ben’s breath hitched, but he soon pressed his lips into a thin line. “No.”

She jerked her head back, “You don‘t even know where they are. And you don’t have a ship to go after him. This one is falling apart. We’re taking mine and we’re going after Leia.”

“We‘re tracking one of yours through hyperspace, I suppose that’s where Leia will be,” he explained, then raised an eyebrow and pointed somewhere behind him. “As to what ship I‘ll use, I assume that one is vacant.”

The Falcon outline became prominent in her line of sight. Everything inside her twisted and turned as she realized this was going to happen and there was no way to convince him otherwise. He wanted to go alone after Hux to save Leia, and somehow that thought scared the living daylights out of her.

But, she hadn’t been raised on Jakku to go down without a fight. So, she set her jaw and squared her shoulders. “I’m going with you.”

He shook his head and sighed. “Rey-”

“I’m not weak, Ben. I’m not some defenseless girl you can hide in the corner to protect.” Her eyes were sharp and fiery as the blasting flames from the hangar wreckage reflected in them.

“I’m aware of that.” He motioned to the scar across his face. “But you’re too important.” He shrugged, chewing his lower lip. “I know you can fight, but this fight is not yours. It’s not your mistake to fix.”

He paused, and his eyes roamed her face. “The galaxy might need you yet. It’s not a risk worth taking.”

She knew what she wanted to say, or rather yell, to him. But her mouth was numb, and all the thoughts were a whirlwind in her mind. More had happened in that single day than in two years, and there was too much information to take in. Add that to the rapid rhythm of her heart as he stood so close, towering over her, and it was unbearable.

 _Kriff the kriffing galaxy_. Couldn’t someone else be its last hope for once? There were so many people out there and she was just one woman. She was sick and tired of carrying that responsibility at the expense of her personal choices.

Chewie roared and brushed past his prodigal nephew, breaking the spell between him and Rey.

Only then the duo realized they had dropped out of hyperspace, which had prompted the wookiee to rush towards the Falcon, growling about how he knew Leia before Ben, and therefore, was tagging along whether or not Ben wanted it.

Ben clenched his jaw but complied. He shot Rey one last look before he turned around and followed Chewie.

Rey blinked twice, the fog surrounding her thoughts disappearing as it gave way to a more urgent matter.

“Ben!” her voice echoed around the hangar, but the Falcon boarding ramp closed. Still, she strode towards the ship as the engines kicked in. “Ben!” Her throat was already aching, but worse than that, watching him leave felt like a punch right to the chest. That pain was too familiar for her taste.

As Han Solo’s ship flew away she stood there feeling hollow, barely knowing what to do with her limbs. A sob escaped her lips, and she covered her mouth with wide eyes.

“That was…” Finn began with eyebrows up to his hairline. “Intense.”

“Right?” Poe commented, remembering a previous conversation he witnessed. “Boy, it’s much more helpful when we can see his side.”

Rose approached them silently, placing a hand on her friend’s upper arm as the Jedi stared blankly at the space in front of her.

“Are you okay?” the mechanic asked, then flinched, muttering to herself. “Stupid question.”

Rey’s hand slipped from her lips. A steely resolution came to her once the shock wore off.

Rose had been right all along. They wouldn’t win this war with her Force wielding abilities. The galaxy might need her yet indeed.

But not as the Jedi Rey.

Just as Rey.

She straightened her back and lifted her chin. Rose’s grip on her loosened at the change in demeanor.

“I’m going after him,” Rey said before whirling around at once and marching to the hallway she and Poe had come from when they first arrived.

Finn, Poe, and Rose turned to watch her with their jaws dropped. Once it was clear that their friend would not stop to see if they were going with her, they followed her at once.

As they matched her pace, the pilot held his hands up and stared at the side of her head. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Rey, I know you were-” Finn darted his eyes back to where she and Kylo had their standoff, then huffed. “-distracted by…whatever that was. But Hux will go after you if you’re out there. You understand that, right?”

Rey rolled her eyes, never slowing her pace. “Yes, I understood Ben just fine,” she answered sharply as she re-entered the small U-wing.

She headed for the cockpit, flopped down in the pilot seat, and pressed a series of buttons on the console, satisfied that the ship came back to life under her hands.

Ruffling and rustling accompanied her frantic friends as they boarded, rushing after her.

“I won’t fight Hux. Ben was right, he has to be the one to do it,” she explained before they could ask, remaining focused on the view in front of her.

Poe sighed before walking around the back of the co-pilot seat before sitting in it. He checked temperature and fuel levels and turned off a few unnecessary switches before they could pull the ship off the ground.

“What are we risking our lives for, then?” he asked.

“He’s going on a suicide mission. He intends to die saving Leia if he has to,” Rey said as she truly realized that for the first time.

While Rey didn‘t understand what was happening within the First Order, she understood Ben Solo. And Ben Solo would go through any means necessary to stop Hux from hurting his mother. But he was one man on a mission against an entire Star Destroyer. If he was successful, it wouldn’t be without a cost, and he knew that.

And maybe he was counting on it. Leia would be unharmed and Rey would be here, alive too. It was a price he was willing to pay with his life if he had to.

Rey swallowed hard. “I’m not going to let that happen.” She stared into Poe’s eyes, hoping he’d understand her.

Leia would be saved, and the First Order was going to end. But not at the cost of Ben Solo’s life.

A groan escaped Finn’s mouth from where he stood behind them. Rey and Poe turned around to watch him biting down on his lip, walking in circles with a hand on his hip and shaking his head.

Poe lifted an eyebrow. Sure, he understood frustration, but the guy looked as if he was about to explode.

“I think he really hates this idea,” Rose translated, and Finn nodded emphatically while still walking around like a maniac. “But he’s probably remembering something I told him once…on Crait.” Her voice grew soft and her boyfriend stopped pacing.

Poe had no idea what they were talking about, but his mission was to accompany Rey and have her back, so he was going with her, regardless. Besides, Leia was in danger and there was no more time to overthink it.

He looked at them and asked, “So…are you two coming or not?”

Finn and Rose looked at each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are we ready for Ben’s point of view yet?


	12. Let the Water In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, it’s been awhile. Last time we saw each other Ben going to save his mother and Rey was after him, am I right?
> 
> Now, let’s rewind a bit to catch up (emotionally?) with Ben. 
> 
> Just 3 things before I go:
> 
> 1- I wanted to make this a double update but i couldn't because of Christmas. But i figured one update is better than none so i hope you enjoy :) God bless you and your family, and Merry Christmas!
> 
> 2- My AMAZING friend Hammie (balancedpadawan) made a moodboard AND I'M SO EXCITED I JUST HAD TO FREAKING SHARE IT:  
> 
> 
> 3- As always thank you Sarah (@bergersteen on twitter) and Nicki (@notnicorette on twitter) I'm nothing without you guys

_Torn apart…that was the only constant thing about Kylo Ren._

Everything Kylo had ever done was for that moment. That power. Yet, when he knelt alone on that old base on Crait, with the Resistance nearly decimated, he felt hollowness.

That gnawing feeling had only worsened when Snoke died or, perhaps, when his father did. Or maybe Kylo had lived that exact same way ever since he noticed the raging storm of darkness inside him that scared everyone he knew, including himself.

Whatever the progression of cracks in his soul was, one fixed point in time was certain: on that fateful day when Kylo Ren woke up in the throne room to utter silence, reeling as much from the loss of Snoke as from the loss of Rey, he had been lost.

Back then, it had been easier to follow his storm, to take whatever power he wanted, pilot whatever ship he needed, and barge into Crait with guns blazing and teeth gritting. It had been easy to hate Luke, to hate Rey, to hate the entire Resistance and everyone who had ever wronged him.

Except that when the hard winds passed, all that was left was emptiness.

Snoke, the whisper in Ben’s mind and, once, the only one that didn‘t fear him. The overbearing mentor who used torture and humiliation as a teaching method. The one who was never satisfied, never trusting or trustworthy, gone.

Luke, his parents’ last hope, even _his_ last hope if he cared to admit it. The one person who could take Ben Solo under his wing and snatch the darkness away from the boy like he plucked it from the entire galaxy. The Jedi that instead saw so much evil in his nephew he believed that, instead of taking it from him, he should eliminate the boy and save everyone else. He, too, was gone.

Then there was Han. The one that never understood. The parent that tried, and tried, and tried, until it became too hard. Until suddenly his son wasn’t just a simple blubbering child interfering with his grand plans to smuggle across the galaxy. Ben had that _mumbo-jumbo_ , a power inside him that few grasped, and even fewer accepted. He was too unstable, too erratic, too difficult to deal with. And the great Han Solo didn’t have the time or the patience for that. It was easier to let Ben go with his Jedi of an uncle, who would surely understand. It was easier to go back to the life of a scoundrel with no questions asked as to why his own son cried alone every single night, or why he was so irritable during the day that his burst of Force would leave the house in pieces. It was easier to let go and have someone else handle it.

Han Solo was gone.

What was Kylo Ren to do then?

Before, when Snoke lived, he would speak of plans for order and power, about how the galaxy was infested with rats that only spread chaos and corruption. Weak creatures that were too scared of the Force to bend it, or too passive to use it for its true purpose. Back then, the former Supreme Leader seemed content with his apprentice, heir to Lord Vader, who would be the key to eliminating those rats, granting him the galaxy.

That same apprentice now ruled alone, and those plans and that power didn’t seem as magnificent as they once did.

The throne where Kylo sat was cold to the touch. It didn’t matter how much time his skin remained in contact with it, the stone never adjusted to his warmth. The silent rock just took, and took, and took. It radiated a piercing temperature until it overcame him, until it chilled his bones and his entire body shivered.

His praetorian guards didn’t make a sound, didn’t even look at him. They spent all day with their backs to him, their red helmets never betraying a single gaze sent his way.

Whispers of suspicion and treason surrounded him at every corner of his ship, so loud he heard them even in the darkness of his room. They howled before he slept, as he took his showers, as he ate his meals, as he led countless meetings.

Countless meetings that filled him with endless paperwork, serving as constant reminders that having a galaxy at his hands only gave him isolation and bureaucracy.

He was a boy alone in the dark, as he has always been, as if nothing has changed.

But perhaps one thing had changed.

Without Snoke whispering in his soul, chaos crowded his mind. His thoughts, which in the past had to scream against the noise of his master’s voice, were now reduced to murmurs. The smallest lift of their volume hurt. They echoed in his head, in his conscience, so vibrant and repetitive it was impossible to have peace.

They spoke of doubts, guilt, and regret. The kind of feelings the Dark Side would frown upon.

It wasn’t like he had a clear goal that would mercifully allow his mind to just be quiet. Once he finally had the powers Darth Vader had only dreamed of, he realized he had nothing to use them for.

What was he to do with the galaxy at his will? There were no Jedi schools to banish, no masters to persecute. The remains of all the things he hated had burned down and died after Crait. The only person left from his past was Leia Organa, and even though he carried a mountain of resentment against her, a more primal side of him had already been put to test and it couldn’t lay a hand against her.

And the only Force sensitive who had any means to start any kind of detestable academy spent all her time training to defeat him instead.

He knew he ought to have been doing the same. Spending days and nights in search of the Resistance, for his mother, for _her._ He should have been nipping the rebels in the bud before they became a real threat again.

Still, he hesitated.

He hesitated, and hesitated, and hesitated, until the verb turned into _stalled_.

And stalled he did, enough to allow Hux and his expanding army to search whichever planet or system he demanded, knowing the general would come back empty handed; though Kylo might not have always known where Rey was, he knew where she was not.

Stalled he did, enough to stop ordering search parties altogether.

He procrastinated, until one day he realized he wouldn’t do it at all.

Hux noticed, which was one of the reasons it all went wrong. Without the general’s ambition pushing Kylo’s limits, he might have preserved whatever was left of the emotionless shell he built around himself. He would have held all the pieces together by force before they crumbled down and revealed the broken boy hidden underneath. He’d have carried the First Order on his back and lead the galaxy into the morose state he found himself in. Anything was better than admitting everything he has ever done was a mistake.

Because he couldn’t admit it. He couldn’t face the blood on his hands anymore if it meant that he had been wrong all along.

But then there was also Rey and their blasted Force Bond.

However unsentimental Kylo wished he was, when he saw Rey he felt again. Even if she wouldn’t look at him, his loneliness dissipated as quickly as a snap of her fingers. Around her he wasn’t the Supreme Leader anymore; he wasn‘t a person on automatic pilot that filed paperwork, sat restless at meetings, intimidated wannabe traitors, antagonized Hux, and doubted himself at every waking hour. He was himself again.

Whoever _that_ was those days.

He picked up that she felt the same, that something was amiss on her end as well. And it only confirmed what they both knew in their heart of hearts: they needed each other. Not out of academic Force related curiosity, not to steal information for the war between them, not to shift the tides by convincing _The Jedi Killer_ or  _The Last Jedi_ to change sides.

They needed each other simply because their connection went deeper than a good conversation, was rarer than a good night of sleep in all of Kylo Ren’s years. For as long as he could remember, Ben Solo didn’t even know what it meant to be close to someone. No one had stuck around long enough for him to learn how it felt. Yet, he somehow found this person that not only didn’t run away at his mere presence or tried to use his powers for her own benefit, but that actually understood his deepest fears and desired to soothe them. And, most dumbfounding of it all, deep inside that decaying soul of his, he wanted to do the same for her. Ben saw his loneliness and self-doubt reflected in her, and even though he couldn’t figure out his own endless list of issues, he wanted to help her with hers in whatever way possible.

This wasn’t a bond, it was a kriffing miracle.

And with it, came a kriffing problem, because once it started again, there was no way of stopping it.

It was a tidal wave, breaking everything open as it passed. What he and Rey were became part of him and the rebirth of their connection led to an ocean of sentiment and belonging so genuine that coming to the surface made life dull.

So, he couldn’t stop it, or at least he told himself he couldn’t. He couldn’t stop seeing her or talking to her, any more than he could stop the sea.

Which would only lead to disaster, both personal and intergalactic.

But the part of him that was very much _Solo_ just whispered, _so be it._

He just didn’t expect it to happen so soon, and over something so inconsequential. Of all the scenarios in which Kylo Ren imagined he would break down, from dying in Rey’s hands to facing his mother, he never assumed it would be because of an action as trivial as a conversation.

But Rey had to call him a Sith, she had to blame him for it all. And she was right. Not about the denomination, that was absurd, but definitely about the reasoning behind it. Kylo wished he could have found a hole in her argument, but he couldn’t. Even so, under normal conditions, he would have just swallowed the accusations and carried on living in the darkness of his making, if only to run from himself.

But there was something about being the subject of a system he hated, and then becoming the enabler of it, that just made everything break. There was something about watching Rey, of all people, yell at him on the verge of tears because he had entrapped her exactly like himself that forced him to face what he already knew.

He didn’t want this role. Kylo Ren didn’t want to control the lives of anyone just as much as he didn’t want his to be controlled. He couldn’t bring order to the galaxy anymore than he could bring order to the mess he called an existence.

A feeling that repeated over and over in his head throughout the years crystalized into a single phrase: he didn’t want to be Snoke.

Because Snoke was wrong, and he wasn’t there anymore to whisper in Kylo’s ear until the boy was convinced or beat him up long enough that he’d believe in his master’s wisdom. Snoke had brought him nothing but more conflict, more fear, and more pain. And the thought that his personal terrors, magnified by the former Supreme Leader, were spreading in the galaxy because of him was unbearable.

That was when the light inside him laughed. Because it was right, it was right, it has always been right. Things it whispered into the cracks of his soul turned into shouts.

It didn’t matter how many errands he had run for Snoke or how many people he killed in the name of order and progress, their blood stained his hands and their screams haunted his nightmares. War raged, and he was a soldier, but no one’s life was better after his doings. Not even his own.

It didn’t matter how many times he told himself he had to kill Han Solo, his efforts were useless. The darkness Kylo chose over his own flesh and blood gave him nothing but agony. At night, it clawed at him, replaying the image of his father grazing his cheek with utter devotion before falling into an endless pit and ceasing to exist forever.

The light, which had been pulling at his feet since he fell, claimed him back. And it hurt more than anything he had ever experienced. More than having his face split by his grandfather’s saber, more than a bowcaster shot, infinitely more than any torture he suffered at Snoke’s hands. Every cell of his being ached, every single limb was nearly ripped away when he contemplated acknowledging what he had done.

But the light just pulled, and pulled, and pulled, until it had him completely submerged, leaving him bare of everything but his pain and absolute fear of surrendering.

In his most desperate hour, Kylo’s mind flashed to what he had read about drowning, back when he was only Ben Solo. How everyone’s reflex is to hold their breath for as long as they can, until their head feels like exploding, their lungs combust, and their minds are nothing but static. How sometimes drowning is inevitable, and fighting it brings an insufferable amount of pain that would disappear if you just let the water in.

So, he inhaled.

 

_Torn apart…Ben Solo was no more._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’ll also catch up (what is necessary) plot wise with Ben, don’t kill me and don’t worry.
> 
> To anyone that caught the teen wolf reference: *Jack Sparrow salute gif*
> 
> Rey calling Ben a Sith- re:chapter 3


	13. Ben Solo’s No Good, Very Bad Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Long time no see, sorry about that. Editing these two next chapters has been hard.
> 
> Speaking of them, we are coming back to plot full force so I need to ask everyone to make sure you remember what happened on Chapters 10 and 11. 
> 
> Please, please make sure that you do, this is very important. Re-read them if you must because i don’t want anyone to get lost. Alright? Alright.
> 
> Thank you to my darlings Sarah (@bergersteen on twitter) and Nicki (@notnicorette on twitter) as always

Ben Solo had a bad decade.

...and an even worse day.

It was awfully quiet on the Finalizer that day.

Quiet, that is, except for the voices of treason in his ear that resonated through the Force. Voices that roared so loud he couldn’t distinguish between the simple mechanical background noises of his ship.

But Kylo was used to it by then. Those murmurs had festered since his ascension to power, especially from his supposed _right hand_. Hux was as subtle as a hundred of those insufferable Ahch-to winged creatures Rey always complained about, and arrogant enough to formulate treacherous plans in the presence of the Supreme Leader.

At the beginning, he was merely a pest Kylo figured he’d have to deal with eventually. But as the Jedi Killer’s faith in his own choices wavered, the threat Hux presented began to fade into the background of the bigger worries in his mind.

However, once Ben surrendered himself to the realization that he didn‘t want to be a part of the First Order, Hux’s disloyalty became an opportunity. After the crippling process of forsaking his darkness, the Supreme Leader just didn‘t know how to be free. But his traitorous General would create a crack in the system, and dangerous as it would be, Ben would slip through it when the right time came.

So, Kylo opted to go about his day. He woke up, went to the fresher, took his breakfast, trained, took his lunch, and upon realizing his schedule was rather empty, walked towards his office. It was yet another exciting afternoon of filing paperwork, and he was in no hurry to start it.

What he didn’t realize was that his uneventful day would take a dramatic turn in the short space between his quarters and his office as he stopped a Stormtrooper, whose operating number he didn’t even remember.

“Where’s General Hux?” he asked the trooper.

He hadn’t seen Armitage the entire morning, and while he wasn’t eager for such a sighting, it was unsettling that he couldn’t track his movements. Asking that question was an habit for Kylo at that point. He rarely let Hux run freely without knowing his whereabouts - whether or not the General was aware of such monitoring.

The hesitation from the trooper, however, wasn’t habitual at all.

Kylo waited for his reply, raising one eyebrow as the other man stuttered. No answer seemed to be on its way, so the Supreme Leader advanced, walking closer until he loomed over him. The soldier took a few steps backward until his back hit the wall.

“I will ask again: Where is General Hux?” Kylo’s voice rang deep and smooth, the type of whisper that was more frightening than a scream.

The Stormtrooper recoiled, tilting his head back until his eyes met Kylo’s.

“General Hux is on the _Oblivion_ , Supreme Leader,” he answered.

Kylo paused. A cold feeling in the pit of his stomach flared even before he realized why that answer was unsettling. The Resurgent-Class Star Destroyer _Oblivion_ had been General’s Hux surrogate command ship for over a year. Ever since its construction - which the General had claimed was a necessity after the fall of the _Supremacy_ \- Hux had grown peculiarly attached to it.

He oversaw the _Oblivion’s_ conception personally, only allowing the best technicians to work on it and the best troops to be based in it. Armitage searched every corner of the Unknown Regions for kyber crystals to use in each of the Star Destroyer’s fifteen hundred turbolasers, exactly like on the _Finalizer_ . Hux remembered the nightmare that was created the last time other First Order officers questioned why their ships didn’t have the same technology as the _Finalizer_ . But he still risked facing their wrath again as he wasted precious time and resources to acquire the one thing that would make the _Oblivion_ an equal to the _Finalizer_.

And if Hux’s ego manifesting as a new warship wasn’t enough of a problem, unless ordered otherwise, the General was expected to be on the same ship as the Supreme Leader, and that was an even bigger issue.

After Snoke’s fall, the First Order power hierarchy was fragile, and Kylo and Hux knew their organization was one misstep away from chaos. They begrudgingly agreed it was better to present a united front as a political and military leadership group.

As it turned out, Kylo barely cared about his image or even his own position as Supreme Leader, but he knew Hux had a liking for control. He should have appreciated the importance of keeping appearances. But Armitage continued to increasingly make himself scarce.

“And may I ask _what_ the General is doing on the _Oblivion_?” He asked.

The trooper still wore his mask, but Kylo could almost make out his face, contorting into a painful grimace. “A signal was intercepted,” he let out, exhaling bits of phrases as if twisting a knife slowly. “It was traced back to the Resistance.” He swallowed hard and Kylo took one more step forward. “It was General Leia’s personal code. General Hux ordered all First Order ships closer to the location to engage. To follow the _Oblivion,_ specifically, as he will supervise the attack.”

A wave of calm overcame Kylo. Strange, how he had been waiting his whole life to feel it, yet it only arrived at the imminence of being betrayed and losing his mother.

The only moment he remembered being quite so cold and calculating was when Snoke held Rey up in the air, screeching in pain, and all Ben knew was, no matter how, it was going to end.

A beat, then he asked, “Why wasn’t I made aware of this?”

He knew what was wrong, and he knew what would happen. All his senses awakened at once, making him hyperaware of his surroundings. He had been waiting for this moment, intending to use it to his advantage. And his body reacted accordingly, as if mind and body had a previously arranged plan.

But there was a complication: he was the one who should be the target, not his mother.

While the trooper came up with an answer, Kylo smoothly searched his thoughts and feelings, looking for how much he knew about Hux’s plan–whatever it was–and how much he agreed with it.

Before he could reply that he was unaware as to why the Supreme Leader didn’t know about such a development, Kylo lifted his hand and put him to sleep.

At least that one was naïve to the General’s intentions. Which raised the question: how many others could say the same?

Kylo had to act, and fast. He sensed the change in the Force that signaled loudly that the war was coming to a close. His feet carried him swiftly to the control bridge as he made a deal with himself: the war could end at the cost of his own freedom or life, but it would _not_ be at the cost of his mother’s.

Just before stepping into the room, he assessed the minds and intentions inside.

Agitation, boredom, anger, doubt.

He walked in with his chin raised, sensing the moods shifting in waves like dominos falling. Kylo walked towards the Captain, whose eyes widened upon seeing him.

“Su-Supreme Leader.” He straightened his back, still unable to cover his rapid breathing.

“Captain Tarris, I was just informed that General Hux has relocated the _Oblivion_ and part of our fleet for a mission, is that correct?” Ben asked without so much as a waver in his voice.

The Force trembled. Fear.

The Captain cleared his throat. “Yes, Supreme Leader, that is correct.” His eyes flitted to somewhere behind Ben.

“Why wasn’t I informed of that before, Commander?” Kylo only asked because of protocol. He stayed alert, picking up even the slightest movement behind him; he wasn’t about to let arrogance and distraction destroy him like his old master did.

“Forgive us, Supreme Leader. We assumed General Hux had informed you.” The Captain’s eyes darted again, then returned to Ben’s face. His demeanor switched back to military authority as he puffed his chest. “What are your orders, Supreme Leader? Should we issue an instruction for the vessels to stand back? Perhaps-“ his voice turned drier, the corner of his lips lifting, “-forbid them to attack General Leia and her Jedi?”

It was a gamble; bait to see how Ben would react. The Commander wasn’t trying to confirm his suspicions, but twisting the knife of betrayal a tad deeper instead. While Tarris smirked, the Force user extended his arm behind his back at the moment blaster shots fired at him.

There were more than he realized. When Ben turned around there were five very stunned stormtroopers watching red blaster shots hang in the air right in front of them. The young Skywalker gritted his teeth and sent the shots flying back, and that was it.

The point of no return.

Before Ben or Tarris said another word, all around them stormtroopers and other officers began fighting amongst themselves. Ben blinked at that unexpected reaction. At least his ship wasn’t _entirely_ made of traitors.

Tarris’ eyes widened in a wise display of fear after his little stunt. Ben raised his hand towards him and lifted him in the air. The Captain moved to grab at his closing throat as the other man stepped forward, bringing them only inches apart from one another.

“My orders-“ Kylo growled as the world around them turned to chaos “-are to arrest all traitors aboard this ship. Don’t worry about General Hux, Captain. I’ll deal with him myself.”

He dropped Tarris, unconscious but alive, on the ground and looked at the fight around the room. Watching the troopers and other officers’ feud over their different loyalties, he wondered if this was Hux’s intention.

If the General was smart, he would make sure Kylo remained unaware of his plans. He wouldn’t create his biggest base inside the _Finalizer_ , right under the Supreme Leader’s nose. If Hux was smart, he would know Kylo wouldn’t even need to be betrayed to give up power.

Having witnessed the shaky transition after Snoke’s suspicious death, Hux knew it was impossible to convince all troops and officers to turn their backs on their Supreme Leader. Even if he released any security footage that put Kylo’s credibility to the test – which now Ben suspected Hux acquired, considering his search for Rey – the First Order subjects wouldn’t just blindly follow Hux instead.

So, of course he was after Leia. Of course he was after Rey. They were leverage to force the Supreme Leader to give up the power himself.

That same wave of calm overwhelmed his senses again. To protect the two most important people in his life, he had to remain focused.

He looked around, the conflict in the control room quieting down as the insurgents were defeated. And while there were more rebels to worry about elsewhere in the _Finalizer_ , there was no more time to waste.

“You.” Ben called the trooper standing closest to him, who fired at whichever double-crosser aimed at them.

The trooper looked at him and stood straighter. ST-3587, Ben sensed.

“You’re in charge here. Find the location of the _Oblivion_ and jump to hyperspace after it when you do.” Ben headed to the door as he shouted the last order for everyone to hear: “If our sensors identify the Millenium Falcon, apprehend it without lethal force.”

 

* * *

The _Finalizer_ was crumbling from within, and Ben was running out of patience.

He could barely turn a corner without becoming a target or being surrounded by people swearing to defend him. They had all jumped in and dropped out of hyperspace, still fighting amongst themselves.

He had to give it to Hux, if Kylo’s own ship was infested with people ready to kill him, he didn’t want to even think about the other ships of his fleet. And he wouldn’t - he had more pressing matters to worry about.

Helplessly, Ben tried to contact Rey, to warn her of what was coming. Over and over he called through the Bond, but she kept shutting him out.

He pushed, and she pulled. But, while it frustrated him, he gathered that at least it meant Hux hadn’t found her. Considering Rey had never blocked him like that before, not even after Crait, it probably also meant that the Resistance was on to something.

And the First Order fleet would appear right in the middle of it.

A trooper elbowed him in the gut, sending him falling to the ground as another trooper fired in revenge. When he hit the floor, he heard it.

Not the vibration across the air, not the deafening vacuum of time stopping, and not his own breathing turning too loud.

He heard _her._

“Ben!”

When he stood up, there she was. Free and in perfect condition.

“Ben, what is happening?”

He just had to make sure she would stay that way.

“Whatever your plan is, I suggest you run.” His breath hitched. “They will find you.”

There was no time for a long conversation about First Order and Resistance politics, and sure enough, she looked surprised at the abrupt nature of his statement.

“I’m not going to run,” she said.

Ben couldn’t stop the pride that filled him. That was the type of reply only the scavenger would give in moments like this.

The Force, almost as if it knew, snapped their connection quicker than ever before, right at the moment ST-3587 approached him.

“Supreme Leader, the Millenium Falcon has been apprehended and a U-wing has been located on our perimeter. They haven’t opened fire.”

Kylo blinked. His instinct decided for him before he could understand it.

“Apprehend the second ship as well. And find Leia Organa’s ship,” Ben ordered.

 

* * *

One thing was certain: whoever would come out of the Falcon hated him.

When he gave the order to intercept his father’s freighter, he had assumed Rey would be in it. But considering his last conversation with her happened as the Falcon was discovered, it seemed unlikely that the First Order was taking over her ship.

So, since Rey wasn’t inside and neither was his mother, the chance that anyone hostile towards him would exit the ship wasn’t just high. It was the only option.

He sensed three distinct organic forces, only two of which he recognized, plus two droids. They may have been a threat, but he was intent on neutralizing them quickly. Time was of the essence, because while the First Order and Resistance fleets fought in a seemingly routine battle, this one was different. Leia and Rey were targeted. And the longer Ben spent with these distractions inside the Falcon, the closer Hux would be to them.

Still, his voice of reason told him it was probably unwise to wait alone for the enemy ship crew to emerge. But, then again, it was either that, or he’d have to take the few loyal troopers he had away from their more pressing duty of holding the _Finalizer_ together.

A sudden shake tumbled him to the ground, breaking his train of thought. When he looked up, white and blue streaks colored the hangar opening.

Before his exhausted brain could begin to understand the sight, steps echoed behind him.

“Supreme Leader, we intercepted a radio signal from the U-wing we apprehended-“

Loud growling filled the air, interrupting them. After focusing on the Falcon members for a few minutes, Ben was somewhat prepared when Chewbacca advanced on them. Before the Wookiee could shoot him with the bowcaster (again), he stood up, raised his arm towards the weapon and ripped it away from his hands using the Force.

Panting, he watched as a trooper’s blaster shot hit Chewie while the Traitor ran from the Falcon, screaming and pointing a weapon at him.

The Supreme Leader raised his right arm, motioning for his trooper to stop shooting. But the ex-Stormtrooper didn’t stop his advance, nose flaring, and he tightened his grip around his blaster.

“You son of a–“

Ben raised his other hand and paralyzed Finn mid-rant.

With Chewie and Finn both grunting, but neutralized, Ben turned to ST-3587.

The trooper burst out with a shaky voice, “Supreme Leader, we weren’t able to inform you what the signal we intercepted said- “

“Where are we headed?” Ben interrupted. He had little interest in unimportant details.

“We are tracking a Resistance ship that jumped near us, Supreme Leader.”

“What about the _Oblivion_? Where is it?”

“It seems they jumped to hyperspace a few moments before us.”

Ben’s mind went a mile per minute as he tried to connect the dots. There would be no reason for Hux to run away from a fight with the Resistance. Even on the odd chance they had greater numbers, the General’s ego was simply too big to admit defeat. No, it was something else.

“Did you find Leia Organa’s ship?” he asked.

“Also jumped to hyperspace, Supreme Leader.”

That was it. For whatever reason, whatever plan Rey had blocked him out of before, Hux had to follow Leia to a different system. It was the only option that made any sense.

All that was left to do was plan accordingly.

“How many of our ships have jumped, ST-3587?” he asked.

The trooper paused. There was a problem hanging in the air which Ben wouldn’t have the time to uncover.

“Just…just the _Oblivion_ and the _Finalizer_ , Supreme Leader.”

 _That will do_ , Ben thought. He then looked back at Chewie and Finn and dropped them on their knees, keeping their wrists positioned at their sides as they glared at him. He took a deep breath, trying to rein in the exhaustion in his bones. The Force felt sharp and burning against his intense grip, but he focused again until he could sense it flow more easily.

“ST-3587?” Ben called after a few seconds.

“Yes, Supreme Leader.”

“Once we arrive to our destination, you and all troops are discharged of your duties.”

“Sir?”

Kylo Ren then averted his gaze from the Resistance fighters and tilted his head sideways so he would be clear.

“Make sure the _Finalizer_ arrives to its destination. After that, tell all troops inside the _Finalizer_ and elsewhere that they are discharged from the First Order.” He looked fully at the trooper, his hair falling over his sweaty forehead as sparks flew behind him from their crumbling hangar. But he set his jaw and his eyes were sharp and clear. “That is my command.”

Not all officers were loyal to him anymore, and maybe even a great number of the ones that still were wouldn‘t listen. But if this was his last act as Supreme Leader, he would make sure to make his wishes known for whoever wanted to hear them.

The trooper nodded slowly. “U-understood, Supreme Leader”

ST-3587 then left the hangar, tripping over himself, and Ben focused back on the bewildered Chewie and Finn.

“Where is your third crew member?” Ben asked.

Finn scoffed, “What are you talking about?”

Chewie growled obscenities and Ben caught himself almost rolling his eyes like he did when he was a child. When he was still the same little boy that ran around the Millenium Falcon butt naked.

He stopped before he felt too much of the burn of familiarity and continued. “Tiny, sharp,” he raised his chin, “and I know it’s not my mother.”

At that, Chewie finally got quiet.

“Don’t you dare touch her,” Finn retorted.

“I’m not planning on it FN-21-“

“Finn, my name is Finn.”

“-I’d rather just go about my day without having to worry about anyone else shooting me in the back.” Ben tilted his head while narrowing his eyes.

Before Finn could reply that it was nothing more than Kylo deserved, Rose appeared at the boarding ramp, pointing a blaster.

“Let them go,” she spat.

Finn closed his eyes and grimaced. He knew what was going to happen before he could open his mouth to try to stop her.

Rose pulled the trigger. And, as he had seen before, Kylo stopped the shot while it was still in the air.

Finn cursed and Rose’s eyes widened. As sweat ran down Ben’s face, he Force pulled the weapon out of her hands before placing her, kneeling, beside her friends.

He took a shaky breath and stared at them. The Force stung, exhausted of his overuse as much as his own body was.

When he was finally, _finally_ about to rest for three seconds, he sensed a very familiar presence flaring. Ben turned his head, already knowing who he would see.

He just didn’t expect Rey would be so furious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALRIGHT. We caught up with Ben, we know everything we need to know about his POV up until chapter 11 and until the end of it (again, don't forget to read that one)
> 
> I KNOW we need more Ben's feelings but do not worry we are gonna still see his point of view (and Rey’s) from now on. So let’s keep going.
> 
> Again, i urge everyone to remember Chapter 10 and 11, next chapter will start in a certain point from chapter 11 and for everyone that isn’t reading all chapters together, make sure you remember what was happening then.


	14. The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *everyone looking at the chapter title then at the number of chapters, then at the title again*
> 
> Yes, there are 2 more chapters.
> 
> Sooo this is when you find out I’ve been Rian Johnson-ing.
> 
> Don’t forget to make sure you remember what happened on Chapters 10 and 11. Let’s go!
> 
> And Thank you Sarah (@bergersteen on twitter) and Nicki (@notnicorette on twitter) for helping me with this wild ride.  
> For everyone that wants to say hi to me on Twitter I'm @Reyllos (truly can't believe I didn't share this until now)
> 
> And, finally, I made a [Spotify Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/bellarkenoise/playlist/1jcXCYbbRHuJ4smYtM0yw9?si=hUZ1QFUNSayoUJpf639-gA) with the songs that remind me of the story, including the one that ended up being the inspiration for the title.

“Ben!”

Her screams echoed for ages after his father's ship sped away.

 

* * *

Artoo beeped hysterically.

“Oh, dear,” Threepio said upon spotting the dark figure entering the Falcon.

What the droids were doing here and not with his mother, Ben wasn’t sure. But knowing her, Threepio was getting on her nerves for some reason or another.

Why they hadn’t helped the Resistance members fight against him minutes before, he didn’t want to think about. The idea that even his old family droids waited on him to come back was too haunting to contemplate at that moment.

Either way, Ben didn’t acknowledge them. He strode towards the cockpit, taking off his cape and his gloves and letting them fall to the ground on his way.

Chewie roared to him, to which he replied:

“I’m piloting.” He sat down in the pilot’s seat, lit up the control panel by muscle memory - Ben Solo’s muscles - before his movements stopped. As his gaze fixed on the old, dusty buttons of the Falcon, his vision blurred.

“You know who my father was.” He whispered the explanation before the Wookiee could object, his throat tightening at the memories.

Chewie let out a feeble groan and slumped in the co-pilot chair.

Ben closed his eyes; there was no time for sentimental apologies. But even in a more peaceful time, he doubted that there would be enough time left in the Galaxy for all the apologies needed.

Or the regret.

But there was still one parent he could save. Anything else could wait. Besides, the end was coming. He would feel what he had to feel then.

He would get what he well deserved then.

Ben decided to distract himself from his spiraling thoughts, focusing instead on battle plans and the goal ahead. He checked their coordinates to at least know what system they were in.

A smirk graced his lips when he saw the numbers.

“Ah- excuse me, Sir- Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, are we under First Order domain?” Threepio’s voice rang beside him, his exasperation filling his soul with nostalgia.

The younger Solo set his jaw, staring ahead of him and out the viewport. “No.”

Ben then looked up and his eye caught the golden dice hanging from the ceiling. Ever since he saw their projection on Crait, he had an inkling they would be reunited soon.

He raised his arm, his hand grazing the golden metal before it diverted from its path, finding an old hair tie hanging next to the dice. He stared at the faded fabric, loosened from time and use.

Before he trained with Luke, and on the rare times Ben wasn’t haunted by the voices in his head and terrors of his heart, one of the few interests Ben and Han shared was their love for flying. There, in that cockpit, was where Ben Solo learned to pilot. It was where he spent hours and hours yelling and being yelled at – frustrated and in love with this ship.

As he grew up, so did his hair. And while he didn’t agree with Han that he had to just cut it already – he did agree that it had the nasty habit of falling over his eyes. During his late childhood and early teenage years, Ben’s instability and crumbling relationship with his parents only allowed rare good moments with the Falcon and Han. But even then, he’d keep that hair band on the freighter to help tame his locks when he had flying lessons or helped his father.

It was no surprise his father had kept it, even when the chances of Ben Solo, turned Kylo Ren, stepping into the Millenium Falcon again were less than zero. Han Solo had gone to the depths of enemy territory to find Ben, betting his life against all odds that his son would come back. Ben understood that now, had understood it even before he was willing to admit it.

So, when he stared at that old piece of his childhood, worthless to anyone but him and his father, he accepted that everything Snoke had told him was a lie.

Han Solo didn’t see him as a monster. Ben’s skeptic of a father had stopped believing in many things in his life, but not in his son. Han gave his life for one last bet.

And even in death the old man had won.

Ben Solo swallowed hard and grabbed his old hair tie. His hands moved on their own accord and pulled his hair back in a half ponytail. He couldn’t give his father what he so desperately asked on Starkiller; he couldn’t come back to him and undo what he did. But he could give him one last thing. He could make sure the love of Han’s life didn’t meet his same tragic destiny.

Ben took a deep breath and flew them off the Finalizer.

“Excuse me, Master Ben,” Threepio said, and Kylo nearly lost his grip on the controls at the sound of the old nickname. "-but where are we going then?”

As Jakku appeared in his line of sight, so did the Oblivion. It was focusing all its firepower on a specific Resistance cruiser, hovering so close to it that the First Order ship was almost swallowing it whole.

Ben didn’t take his eyes away from that view. “We are going to take that Star Destroyer down.”

 

* * *

By the time they left the Finalizer, everything was in motion.

Rey piloted their U-wing as they watched the freighter soaring alone towards the Oblivion. Her eyes widened, and her heart leaped into her throat.

The Oblivion kept all its firepower focused on Leia’s cruiser, still unaware of the small ship coming their way. The Falcon remained untouched as it approached its opponent with a heat and a will to match its pilot. And, for a moment, one that wouldn’t last, all they could do was just behold the sight.

A dwarf against a giant.

 

* * *

Ben held the controls tight and gritted his teeth, trying to focus on the Oblivion’s hull as it got closer and closer.

If there was one thing Armitage had incompetently ignored, it was Ben Solo’s upbringing. Hux dreaded his Force wielding abilities and feared his training in battle. But what he didn’t consider, what he never understood, was that Ben was his parents’ son.

He had grown up hearing stories about the rebels, their excruciating adventures, their insufferable heroism, and their pretentious plans. Ben knew how they thought, how they planned. He knew that at their most successful battles, they didn’t need numbers, they needed one lucky shot and one weak spot in their opponent.

So, once Kylo Ren realized General Hux was turning the Oblivion into his personal battleship, he did what any rebel would have done: he stole the construction plans.

The real ones, not whatever garbage Armitage sent his way and passed off as the original blueprint.

Ben glanced at the Wookiee co-piloting beside him. “I need you to be the gunner.” He paused, waiting for Chewie’s protest.

But Chewie simply stood up and headed towards the gunner position. Before he was out of earshot, Ben continued:

“And I’m going to need you to shoot when I ask.”

At that Chewie halted, turned around and roared at him. Ben just stared at him, unwavering. He was aware that his request and the trust it demanded from Chewie was absurd, but he needed it anyway.

His surrogate uncle then showed his teeth and released a weak growl before continuing down his path.

Ben then glared back at the Oblivion, its left side paralleling the General‘s cruiser. X-wings had exited the Resistance ship, trying to attack the Star Destroyer in vain. The First Order ship had an impressive shield, and it carried nearly infinite TIE fighters that were flocking around and eliminating their worn-down adversaries one by one.

The Resurgent-class Star Destroyer also had so many turbolasers that, at that short distance, it would be able to vaporize the Resistance cruiser in minutes. And it only hadn’t because Hux needed to occupy it and reach Leia first.

Ben’s hand gripped the controls, and he took a deep breath. He accelerated.

It didn’t take long until the TIE fighters attacking picked up movement from their left. Some of them charged on the Falcon’s direction while more exited the Oblivion to pursue them.

Good.

Ben turned their ship upwards abruptly and took off at a nauseating speed. Artoo and Chewie yelled profanities as Threepio complained more politely from the corner he fell into.

The Falcon shook as the first of many shots hit them, but Ben paid no mind to them. He focused on the Oblivion’s hull as they flew close to it, almost as if they were climbing the ship.

The freighter jolted, a few alarms started ringing, and Chewie roared if he could just shoot one of the blasted TIE fighters.

“Not yet!” Ben yelled back.

As they reached the top of the Star Destroyer, Ben eyed the command tower and raced towards it. Focusing on his target and ignoring the explosions that rocked the Falcon, Ben created a silence for himself.

That was when he sensed Rey.

Unmistakable, a will relentless as durasteel, a blazing fire with that temper, and that light of hers. He took a deep breath, wishing it was just a sensation coming from their connection, but knowing her better all the same. Especially when, as he sensed, she had a one-track mind on… something. Whatever it was this time, he knew he couldn’t stop her. He had known it ever since he met her. He just silently, and selfishly, hoped she would come out of this ordeal unscathed.

Chewie’s growling broke him out of his reverie.

“Not yet.” He grumbled as they were nearing the command bridge.

Ben brought the Falcon up slowly and the TIE fighters followed. At their predictability, the corner of his mouth lifted in another smirk. He checked how intact their shield still was as he zig-zagged the Falcon when the defense turrets near the bridge opened fire.

As the dome of the shield generator on the right neared, he focused on it and sped up in its direction. Ben closed his eyes and took a deep breath while feeling the Force. They’d need a millimetric precision not even Han Solo or his son would nail on their own.

The former Supreme Leader sensed each TIE pilot, each ship behind them, the defense turrets firing, and the dome ahead of them. When their freighter was a few feet away from crashing, he opened his eyes at once and swiveled the Falcon up, making an arc over the shield generator before diving downwards next.

As Threepio asked Artoo if it was possible for non-organics to throw up, Ben saw that most TIEs were still able to follow him and keep firing. But one of them was slow, too slow, and it collided in high speed against the Oblivion, too big to be stopped by the shield, crashing against the bridge shield generator.

Alarms rang out on the Oblivion and Ben hummed in approval. He turned around to look in the general direction of the gunner position.

“Now!” he shouted to his uncle.

Chewie fired back at the TIE fighters near them with all his might. The battleship beneath them turned chaotic, beginning its well-established protocols for the second command bridge to take control while the first one was unprotected. They would focus all their attention on the top of the ship, intent on reinforcing the defenses of that area to protect their vulnerable high-rank officers. And they would be too distracted to look elsewhere for a few minutes.

Swiftly, Ben swiveled their ship down. He descended the Star Destroyer with difficulty, noticing the Falcon’s engines weren’t working as well as before. But he just needed the freighter to last a few more minutes or it would all have been in vain.

As they reached the ship’s underbelly, Ben focused on the spot where he knew the reactor would be. The shield was still intact in that area, and in any other ship of the First Order fleet, the reactor, wisely, wouldn’t be much of an issue as it had been in the past.

The former Supreme Leader was aware of these facts, because when he looked at the Oblivion construction plans, he confirmed that it was as impenetrable as any other Resurgent-Class Star Destroyer.

But Hux was greedy, and he had to add one more detail that would be his downfall.

He didn’t want only the turbolasers to be powered by kyber crystals, for Kylo’s Finalizer already had that. The General wanted more. He wanted to be better. He wanted to prove not even Force wielders were a match to his calculating military skills. He wanted the _Oblivion_ to be powered by a reactor whose energy was amplified by the biggest kyber crystal Ben had ever seen.

Hux was a conceited fool and it would cost him his life. Even if it took Kylo’s with him.

Ben placed the Falcon directly under the reactor, trusting that the engines would hold and Chewbacca would handle the sea of TIE fighters around them for the few minutes he would need to concentrate.

He closed his eyes and focused on the crystal above him, which wasn’t a hard task considering its size. The kyber was numb and unfocused, as most of the ones used and beaten by the First Order were, but it was alive. Ben fluttered his conscience against it before he started pulling it to him.

Summoning an object of that magnitude was preposterous, and he knew that. Luke would tell him that size matters not, that it was all about his own connection with the Force rather than physical or mental strength. But, Ben Solo had always been impatient. And as it turned out, his impatience made him practical.

A grunt escaped his lips as he tugged the kyber and a shake reverberated through the Falcon. There was a flare of heat to his right which he hoped wasn’t that big of a fire. He focused on his task again, remembering his goal.

While the memory of Rey trying to take Luke’s lightsaber from him was rather painful, it became a piece of information that he’d file for later. He would file it right alongside his memory of the day he bled his own crystal. As Ben tugged and tugged the crystal, he was reminded of the explosion he and the last Jedi created. Anakin’s crystal hadn’t even cracked and it unleashed a blinding energy just by being upset.

As his muscles strained and his stomach clenched with the effort, Ben was reminded of the energy his own crystal released when it cracked. How it burned his right hand and scorched all his clothes.

Ben Solo had always been impatient. So, when he read the Oblivion’s construction plans, becoming aware of this weak spot that no one would have noticed, that no one would have understood, he didn’t need to read further. He wouldn't even need to train to summon anything if a time came when he had to attack the Star Destroyer. With a crystal that immense he would just need to crack it enough to create a blast; he could unbalance it enough that it would become a bomb inside the ship.

It was as he remembered this that there was a snap. And, like the first time he watched a kyber break, everything went white.

 

* * *

“What…is he doing?” Finn asked slowly, eyes trained on the Falcon as it continued to charge full speed towards a ship, a hundred times its size, as if it would just go through it. And…great, also getting itself in shooting range of TIE-fighters that now opened fire.

“We need to do something.” Rey clenched her jaw and charged their ship towards the battle.

They had the element of surprise to their advantage since the TIE fighters were rather distracted, either shooting at X-wings coming from the Resistance cruiser or the Falcon. Too distracted to realize this small U-wing coming in their direction.

As they approached them, Rey felt Ben, his energy all wild and focused at the same time. He couldn’t care less if those TIEs brought his ship down, he had one goal, and one goal only.

Well, she had one goal too.

“Finn, Rose-“ she called, but they were already moving before she could find the words.

“On it!” Finn yelled over his shoulder before he and Rose ran to the gunner positions and began shooting.

It took the First Order pilots about five seconds to realize there was another ship they should worry about. As a considerable number of them headed towards Rey and her friends, she turned their ship and flew away from Ben‘s location, hoping to command their attention.

When the floor beneath their feet shook and explosions sparked in the corner of Rey’s vision, she got confirmation that her plan had worked.

Now she just had to make sure Ben wouldn’t get himself killed.

They flew right and left, pivoted, going up and down as Rose and Finn shot at as many First Order ships as possible. Rey regularly checked where the Falcon was and if they needed extra coverage. By the time the freighter flew to the top of the Star Destroyer and was surrounded by a sea of TIE fighters, she confirmed exasperatedly that Ben indeed had a death wish.

She turned their U-wing around and sped towards the scene, getting a better view of the Falcon as it swirled so precisely the freighter just missed hitting the hull of the much bigger ship and forced a TIE fighter or two to crash against it instead.

“Woohoo! Your boy knows how to fly!” Poe yelled.

A string tugged on Rey’s heart, both from pride and from Poe addressing Ben as hers.

Rey of Jakku had few things she owned, and even fewer that weren’t left behind on her nothingness of a planet: a satchel, half a deck of Sabacc cards, a few items of clothing, and a lightsaber. To think Ben Solo belonged to that list made something primal in her flutter.

An excited glint flickered in Poe’s eyes as he pushed on the controls beside her, challenged to use his flying skills as well after watching Ben.

A smile tugged on the scavenger’s lips despite the war raging around them.

“I don’t get it,” Finn yelled from his position as he kept shooting, “There’s a second command bridge. After the Executor’s crash, everyone in the First Order knows there’s a second command bridge. His plan won’t work.” A pause, then a mutter, “Why doesn’t he know that? I knew that…how didn’t he know that?”

Rey wrinkled her forehead but continued approaching the explosion site. The Falcon was surrounded by enemy ships, smoke decorated a few spots of the old freighter, and it seemed to be flying off balance.

As soon as they were in shooting range, Finn and Rose opened fire against the TIE fighters surrounding the Falcon. But Han Solo’s old ship soon disappeared when it headed towards the bottom of the Star Destroyer. Before more TIEs could follow Ben, Finn and Rose shot at them incessantly and Rey provoked them into yet another high-speed chase to divert their attention.

“Rey, what is he doing?” Poe asked as his eyes darted back and forth at all the First Order ships around them.

They had no idea what Ben’s plan was and if it was close to an end, if it even had an end. The Star Destroyer Oblivion still attacked Leia’s ship impressively, and they wouldn’t be able to fight off all those TIEs alone in their U-wing for long.

But the reply never left Rey’s lips, as a bright white ray of light shimmered somewhere in the space beneath their ship.

And then the Oblivion, pride of the First Order, was ablaze.

Finn and Rose shot the last ships that were still after them, while the others TIEs retreated immediately. And Rey and Poe couldn’t do anything but stare at the fire.

In between staggering explosions and the collapsing of the black ship, the Resistance’s cruiser that sheltered Leia stood whole. Rey sensed her through the Force, alive, well, and agitated. Her presence flickered at the Jedi, as if the General stared right back at the girl from where she stood.

A beat passed until Rey’s eyes scanned the perimeter, her stomach sinking.

“Where’s the Falcon?” she asked.

Poe looked around, unable to give her an answer. Rose and Finn walked back to the cockpit, laughing, cheering, and celebrating their victory. But their happy bubble was a startling contrast to the dread filling her bones.

“Rey?”

She looked out their viewport frantically, only locating a few X-wings approaching them to open a comm link, and nothing else. But Ben wasn’t dead. He couldn’t be. She would have felt it. Her heart took leap after leap against her chest until she saw it.

A flaming, swirling dot falling towards Jakku’s atmosphere.

Despite the nearing Resistance ships, Rey sent their U-wing into a nosedive.

“Rey!” Finn called her again, holding on to whatever he had in sight.

Words were stuck in her vocal chords, unable to get out and explain the debilitating fear inside her. Hoping against hope, she wished that the terror she felt was hers only, and completely unrelated to their Bond.

 

* * *

When Ben regained consciousness, the world was burning and spinning between pitch black and Jakku sand.

The Force felt raw after the stunt he pulled, and his veins were electric. During that whirling daze, his exertion seemed to stick splinters in every corner of his body, and if that wasn’t enough, smoke filled his lungs as more and more fires started in the ship carrying him.

As his three companions yelled things his mind couldn’t comprehend anymore, Ben realized that was it. That was when he finally got what he deserved: falling face first in the middle of the Jakku desert before his entire body was crushed and destroyed by his father’s ship.

He deserved nothing less.

If Hux or the Resistance weren’t the ones to carry out that sentence, his father would. Jakku would.

His hands were loose around the controls since he fainted, and when he came back to consciousness and stared at them, he didn’t try to control the freighter anymore. He accepted his fate. The Force pierced every cell of his body, reminding him he had performed his role. And all that was left to do now was accept the end.

Chewie somehow returned to the cockpit. Growling, he pulled the controls from Ben’s hands as the yellow ground got closer. Ben blinked twice, situating himself while his uncle crushed him against his seat as he managed to pilot their ship from a semi-standing position between Ben and the panel. He kept them in the air for as much time as the Falcon’s damaged engines could bear it.

A few seconds later, they crashed.

When Ben came back to it for a second time, he noticed he was upside down, stuck between a groaning Wookiee and the Falcon’s pilot chair. His head hurt so intensely that he could barely see, but his eyes didn’t make out any fire near them which was…good. He untangled himself from Chewie and managed to crawl out of the Falcon, even with his vision blurring.

He stumbled out of the ship completely dizzy, a track of blood running down his right temple as he stared around at a sea of sand.

That was fitting; he had nowhere to go. He had planned little beyond leaving the First Order, bringing down Hux, and saving his mother and Rey, since he was quite sure he would die at some point during that plan. And now there he was, stuck in Jakku. Of all places.

His ears were ringing and his knees gave way as he collapsed to the ground with a thud. He took a deep breath that made his ribs ache. The Force was roaring in his blood, content and restless at the same time.

At last, Ben Solo was able to do this one thing right in his short and tormented life. He turned away from darkness and now Leia was alive. He sensed her, brilliant and steady as he once did before everything went so bleak in his world.

And Rey too was alive, but not only that. Because as much as he wished to protect her – and he always would, given the choice - she could have handled Hux on her own. But more than alive, Rey was free, free to be and have all she wished and deserved in life.

So, he didn’t understand, he couldn’t understand what else the Force wanted from him. Why, after everything he had risked today, why was he still alive? Because he sure didn’t deserve it. He sure couldn’t fix more. He couldn’t mend everything he had broken.

But he didn’t get an answer, just his long comatose consciousness rubbing salt in all his endless wounds. Now he had no goal to occupy his mind and distract him from it. With no excuses left, the Force took advantage of the little window in his soul that he had opened to the light, and slammed against it until the window was as wide as a gate.

Ben looked back at his father’s ship and held back a sob that surprised himself. He no longer had a mission to distract himself from the fact that he would never see his father again, and it was only his fault. When he then looked ahead of him, at just a blur of colors and movement until his vision focused, he choked on a laugh.

That explained things, why he was still alive.

Tuanul stared back at Kylo Ren as the Light raged in his chest. And he didn’t know if he had hit his head too hard, exhausted himself too much in this war, but he could’ve sworn he was seeing people in it.

Despite having its population decimated by the First Order only two years before, villagers were walking, talking in it. People that were either living in a cemetery of his own making, or ghosts haunting him for his choices.

Whatever they were, their image made something spark in his spirit. A pull.

_We’re not done yet._

The wind picked up around him, carrying a thousand whispers. The pull got stronger, drawing him in. Ben stared at the sand beneath his knees as if the solution had been there all along. As if he finally understood a language that was ancient and lost until now.

A preposterous idea flickered in his mind, but it was clear as the day surrounding him. The Force was calling him, like it did all those years, but the difference now was that he was listening. And Ben, for once, decided to heed the forgotten side of him that just _believed_.

He knew what he had to do.

The ambient sounds disappeared. There was nothing left but him, the wind and that ground.

_It’s just us now._

That feeling tugged so strongly at his decaying heart that he couldn’t do anything but comply. As he placed his hands on the ground and closed his eyes, the Force surrounded him and roared so loud he couldn’t do anything but answer.

 

* * *

Rey gasped.

Her hands left the controls as all her nerves caught on fire and she held her chest.

“Whoa!” Poe yelled, taking control of the U-wing from where he sat before they spiraled out of control in the atmosphere.

Rose rested her hand on Rey’s shoulder, calling her, asking what was wrong. But Rey only gasped for air, digging her nails deep against her chest.

Rey and Ben sometimes sensed what the other was feeling through the Bond, but this was something else. She closed her eyes and tried to call to him, but there was no answer, only a light dimming as if there was a drain sucking all his life force out.

“Something’s wrong,” she croaked.

“I really, really hate when you say that,” Poe yelped from where he hunched over the main panel as he tried to pilot in her place.

“Uh…guys, wasn’t our middle point the Jakku system?” Finn interrupted.

“Yes,” Rose answered distractedly, watching Poe wrestle to control the ship from the co-pilot seat as Rey gasped for air.

“And are we sure that the planet over there is Jakku,” Finn continued.

“Yeah.“ Rose furrowed her eyebrows, confused as to why her boyfriend was focusing on planets when chaos happened in front of them. She looked at the coordinates from over Poe’s hip, since he was nearly splayed over the control panel.

“We are,” she confirmed.

“Okay, so someone tell me this: since when does Jakku have any green on it?” Finn asked and jabbed his finger at the viewport to point at a striking bright green area on the planet near them.

All of them stopped what they were doing and feeling to look at what Finn was showing them.

Rey had lived nineteen years on that planet. All of its mountains, villages, and sandbanks were embedded in her mind, and if there was one thing she was certain of, more than her own name and the details of every part she has ever scavenged, was that there was no green on Jakku.

Before anyone uttered a single word, she stood up at once and ran to the first container she could throw up in, which in this case was a tool kit.

Rose’s eyes widened, and she followed the girl as Poe finally sat in the pilot’s chair to control their ship. Finn didn’t know what to focus on: his friend losing all the contents of her stomach while Rose patted her shoulder, or the planet he despised the most coming closer and closer.

“Poe.” Rey called with her rasping throat. When he glanced back at her, she continued, “We need to go there.”

He took a deep breath and shook his head, “I thought you’d say that.”

“Poe-”

“Look, Rey, it’s over, okay? We did our part, we helped him, Leia is safe, Hugs’ ship is up in flames, we set fire to half their fleet, we almost got killed by a supernova today. I know you want to go after him, but we have to go back to our base. You two can catch up on your Force thing while I’ll take a nice bath-”

“We need to go there.” Rey begged, gasping for air as her eyes watered, “Please, Poe, I think…I think Ben’s dying.”

The pilot then squeezed his eyes shut in a grimace, but sighed. He turned to the controls and set his jaw.

“Fine,” he said before speeding up and plummeting them towards Jakku’s only flora.

“I can’t believe we’re going back to Jakku,” Finn muttered.

Once they got close enough to land, Rey uncurled herself away from the toolbox and the corner she had set herself in. She and Rose walked slowly until they stood at the back of Poe’s chair.

“There.” Rey pointed at four dots and one flaming ship at the edge of an open vegetation.

“Wow.” Rose’s jaw dropped, reflecting the feelings of Finn and Poe as grass, bushes and full trees grew before their eyes.

Rey didn‘t share their excitement. She gripped the top of the pilot’s chair as her energy drained and all her limbs went numb.

“Is that-“ Finn pointed at the black figure kneeling in the sand once they landed on the ground.

Rey didn’t stick around to answer. She exited the ship as fast as her weak legs allowed. As she stumbled outside, her friends following, they were met with a baffled Chewie, R2D2, and C3PO. But they skipped their usual pleasantries in the face of the mind-boggling sight ahead of them.

“What is he doing?” Finn asked, not taking his eyes off Kylo Ren as a new world seemed to grow from under his palms.

R2 beeped agitatedly in binary code at the same time C3PO replied, “I’m afraid I can’t give you that information, Sir. Since we arrived at the planet, Master Ben hasn’t left that spot.”

Rey looked ahead, at an entire forest of life growing beyond the village before them. All activity in it ceased, and its inhabitants looked around in awe. Rey understood better than anyone that wonder of seeing green for the first time. Of seeing the one thing they never thought they’d see on Jakku.

Of living years of being without having, searching without getting, and sleeping without resting. No desire, no fear, no anger, no passion, just the bold and primal goal to exist in that desert of a planet. Having sand and hunger as the only things she ever knew, as the only things everyone around her ever knew. She understood the wonder of seeing growth sparking on a barren land.

Of seeing life, where once there was only death.

She released a shaky breath. This wasn’t possible. She had studied everything there was to study about the Jedi, about the Force. She had dedicated years to understand it. There was nothing in the books even close to what she was seeing.

But she already knew the answer; she had always read it between the lines impossibly woven between her and the Supreme Leader of the First Order.

The Force didn’t fit on paper.

But it didn’t come without a cost either. Luke had given his life when he projected himself on Crait. Ben himself had told her on their first connection about the deadly consequences of overusing her abilities.

She looked down at his crumpled form again, feeling his life force fading, pulling their Bond along with it. That cord which once joined them irrevocably, that she swore was a nuisance, but was ingrained in her being, as much a part of her as her own hands, her legs, her heart, as natural and obvious as blinking, as breathing, as existing...

It was being yanked on from the place where it resided in her to where Ben was.

“No,” she gasped.

From somewhere behind her, Chewie growled something about not being able to take Ben away from that spot as Finn yelled back at him that he didn‘t understand what he said. But those were the last words she would remember from that day.

Because Rey blocked out everything but that black figure in the sand as she realized with an immense sense of terror and absolute certainty that, despite her earlier efforts, Ben Solo was going to die.

Her hands flew to her chest at the exact moment the Bond was ripped away from her, leaving only destruction in its wake. Leaving nothing but desolation and pain. But her eyes never left Ben. She fought back tears and nausea, and set her jaw, refusing to accept this.

Rey knew of the guilt Ben hid inside. The girl didn’t need their Bond to predict the mess he would be once he accepted it. She understood why he was atoning and surrendering to the Force like this, and at Tuanul of all places. But the consequence of it it didn’t seem fair, didn’t seem right.

He had saved Leia, not caring about the risks, not caring about power or even his own life. He had saved Rey all those years before and again on that same day. He had turned away from the First Order and done the impossible, destroyed one of the biggest enemy ships all on his own, probably bringing the war to an end. Ben had given everything to this war, to the Force. And so had she. They had come this far and this was what he got, what she got?

It couldn’t be, it couldn’t be.

She had to believe there was more to life than tragic endings.

Maybe it was her own egoism, her refusal to return to the loneliness that once claimed her, or her bleeding heart wailing desperately after half of it was just unceremoniously torn off. Whatever it was, she thought of one word, and one word only.

No, just no.

She didn’t care what was supposed to happen. All she knew was that she wouldn’t let it.

Her legs started to move by their own account and then she was wobbling towards the man hunched in the sand, ignoring all the noise and questions coming from the others. Every one of her bones was made of paper, every movement required the effort of moving an entire mountain as aching and hollowness infiltrated her body. But she didn’t stop, she kept walking until the tip of her toes grazed against Ben.

Once Rey reached her destination, she succumbed to the all-consuming weakness in her limbs. Her knees buckled, and she was so close to Ben that she fell over his back.

Ben didn’t react, he was too out of it to move. Rey closed her eyes and buried her face in his tunic, drawing a sharp breath as she connected with the hurricane surrounding them. After everything she had sacrificed, she wouldn’t sacrifice this, she wouldn’t sacrifice him. It was only fair that after everything she had given, she received this one thing in return.

But the Last Jedi knew the Force. She knew it was sometimes the energy in between every living thing and sometimes an unstoppable power with its own plan. More than anything, she knew that one could try to bend it to their will, but they would never win, because the Force wasn’t there to indulge anyone.

But she didn’t care about what she knew. When she placed her hand on the ground and felt her energy bleed from under her palm, Rey cared about hoping against hope that the Force would grant her this one last wish.

Then everything went dark.

 

* * *

 


	15. While You Were Sleeping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, still with me? Sorry it took me so long to update! I had the chapter ready in hands but I was on vacations and away from a computer! I thought I would be able to update while I was away, but I wasn't. I'm sorry. But I'm here now and let's continue!
> 
> As always, thank you Sarah (@bergersteen on twitter) and Nicki (@notnicorette on twitter) for everything <3

“I called them.”

“Are they coming?”

Poe crossed his arms from where he stood behind Leia. The General was rather engrossed with the view before her, not bothering to turn around to speak to him face to face.

The pilot sighed. “Yes, they are coming. I just don’t understand-“

“We need them, Poe,” Leia answered. “We need all the help we can get.”

She stared wistfully at the battered makeshift medical bay in front of them, the only one available in such a poor village. Its tent fabric, which was already frail, now displayed numerous holes and slashes thanks to a pair of trees that had unceremoniously grown and expanded their thick branches into the bay.

Two figures laid unconscious on old gurneys. A couple of Tuanul healers walked back and forth between them, taking turns at wiping their sweaty foreheads with a yellowing cloth and checking their vitals. Despite the Resistance’s offer to use med droids and relieve them of the work, the Tuanul villagers refused it. They knew what the two patients had done for their village, for their planet, and they were eager and grateful to help.

Shock couldn’t even begin to describe the expression on the Resistance members’ faces at that answer.

Poe moved to stand beside Leia. “Do you think they will wake up?” he asked, also distracted by the sight.

Finn sat by Rey’s gurney, asking the healer about her state while Rose held his hand. The mechanic, in turn, stole a few glances at Ben’s comatose form and asked about him as well.As usual, the villagers shook her heads and spoke in murmurs. Not much had changed since the Resistance fleet landed on Jakku and Leia was greeted with the sight of Ben and Rey’s limp bodies on the ground, being pulled away from each other by Chewie and Poe.

“Yes,” Leia answered, watching her son’s chest rise and fall.

It had been three days. Three days since the Resistance group that was once based on Sanah tried to accommodate themselves in makeshift rooms on Jakku. Three days that they had spent waiting, and trying to understand what was happening with their Jedi and the Supreme Leader of the First Order. Or, rather, the former Supreme Leader of the former First Order.

It had been three days since the war had ended.

With a considerable amount of their ships and troops decimated in a supernova, the loss of their two most important leaders – either by desertion, in Kylo’s case, or death, in Hux’s case – left the First Order in utter shambles. Plenty of the Stormtroopers relieved of their posts by Kylo simply followed his orders, as well as their hearts, and left. The soldiers and officers that remained had divided loyalties; different factions supported different leaders that mutually annihilated themselves as they fought for control.

The rebels weren’t naïve enough to believe that the remains of the First Order wouldn’t present any threats. Having experienced the rise of a new enemy from the ashes of the Empire, they knew it was key to assure that there were no more First Order factions left standing.

But regardless of the what remained of the enemy, the war between the Resistance and First Order as they knew it was over.

It had ended so abruptly that it left the rebels disoriented, calling allies left and right to try to formulate plans for a brighter future they didn’t think was possible.

Yet, there was something unfinished about this war, about their old lives. Watching Rey, unmoving, torn between life and death, while they made plans for a new republic that she was key in creating, wasn’t right. It didn’t feel real.

Even watching Kylo Ren lie in front of them, in the exact same state, was just as unfulfilling.

As if fate was holding its breath to teach them one last lesson.

It was almost as if they hesitated to make any permanent plans while the two remained unavailable. Even if it didn’t make sense. Because they didn’t need them to choose their next leaders, they didn’t need them to create new laws and decide the fate of thousands of freed civilizations across the galaxy.

But as they looked at the impossible surrounding them, the trees and the leaves and the green; as they saw the Last Jedi and the Jedi Killer side by side, they realized that perhaps it wasn’t for any practical reason that they needed them. They just wanted to know why.

It was as if that seemingly endless war had ended in a snap of their fingers and people needed to know why. They needed to know how. They needed answers because it felt like something important was missing. It felt like, maybe if they got those answers, they would never have a war like that again.

But Poe, Finn, and Rose already had the answer. It had been staring them in their faces ever since they realized Rey spoke of Kylo Ren not with anger, but with longing. It had been confirmed when the fearsome Kylo Ren looked at Rey as if she was all the moons and all the stars while he handed his life to her.

Maybe Rey’s friends, the ones who had the answer but would never admit it, they would just wait to see if Kylo and Rey would come back.

Because if they didn’t, well, then it would feel like the war wasn’t won at all.

“But what if they never wake up?” Poe asked, staring at a scene that had become too familiar to him in the last days.

“They will,” Leia answered, unwavering.

The pilot clenched his jaw; he wouldn’t question Leia. Whatever was happening to Rey and Kylo was clearly something related to the Force, and try as he might, Poe would never understand it.

“What Ben did here on Jakku,” Leia continued, swallowing a lump in her throat as she stared at her son. “Normally, it has a price.”

Ben’s eyes were closed, his full black lashes grazing his pale cheeks and his disheveled hair falling over his face. But the light clothes the villagers found for him made him look younger and peaceful, or younger, at least, than the last time she had seen him. A branch hung a few feet above his head, filled with dark green leaves. Leia’s eyes followed it, tracing it back to the tree standing right outside the medbay, then to the group of children running around, playing at its trunk.

“What do you mean, a price?” Poe asked.

The princess stared back at Ben and sighed. “There are certain Force abilities that demand too much of us.”

Poe remained silent, wrinkling his forehead as he stared at Kylo Ren. That didn’t explain why Leia was so certain.

Leia turned to him. “His life, Dameron. What he did should have demanded his life.”

He raised his eyebrows and his mouth formed an “O” as he glanced at the general’s son. He then blinked a couple of times, still unsure of where she was going.

“But he’s alive,” he said.

Leia took a deep breath and nodded.

“He is,” she said, then motioned her head towards Rey. “Because someone else paid the price with him.”

Poe looked at the Jedi. She had been adamant about following Kylo Ren, knowing he was dying. They had watched as she hobbled to him, completely weak but refusing to listen to them, and joined in on…whatever he was doing to bring life to Jakku. Life then came out from under the palms of her hands as well. And no one dared to interrupt them, barely understanding what Force shenanigan was happening between the two.

But, despite knowing nearly nothing about the Force, he had understood something. As had everyone else there at the moment.

There are things you understand with your heart better than with your mind.

And if that day was anything to go by, if the look of complete despair on her face was anything to consider, Rey would have gone to the ends of the galaxy if it meant saving Ben Solo. Whatever she was doing at that moment, holding onto him for dear life as her palm painted the sand green, it couldn’t be for any other reason but that.

And while Poe or Finn or Rose didn’t understand a thing about the Force, Rey did. She knew there would be a cost and what it would be. And she was willing to pay it for him.

Now, she laid as unconscious as her partner. Strands of brown hair were plastered on her damp forehead, her head was slightly tilted to the side. She didn’t seem to be hurting, but she didn’t react to any external simulation: not sound, not light, not heat or cold, not even pain. She was completely lost to the outside world.

“If the price isn’t this,” he looked at their unresponsive state before staring at the General, “What is it?”

Leia pursed her lips. “I have my suspicions. I’ll gladly share them when they wake up and confirm it.”

Poe just stared at her, the wrinkles on his forehead growing deeper and deeper as a cloudy expression took over his face.

“Don’t worry about it, Commander.” Leia continued and the corner of her lips raised ever so slightly. “People are selfish, are we not? We worry those around us, but there are times we simply do not care. We just gladly sacrifice everything we must… for love.”

The pilot’s eyes widened, but he soon set his jaw. Saying it out loud meant they accepted the truth as it was. They couldn‘t pretend anymore that it was simply an inevitable bond between enemies, as Rey had claimed. They couldn‘t reason that Rey was only acting out of deep Jedi compassion for Kylo Ren.

Love. Thriving in the most arid conditions, there it was. Love.

General and Commander stared at each other, sharing a silent understanding before he nodded in agreement.

Leia then continued, “Besides, we have other matters to worry about. They will wake up, and we need to have a trial ready for when it happens.”

He raised his eyebrows, “A trial?”

“Yes. To answer your earlier question, that’s why I needed you to call the Resistance leaders and allies.”

“Leia…” Poe shook his head then glanced at Kylo, “Are you sure this is the right time- “

“I’m sure this is the only time.” She crossed her arms in front of her chest and straightened her back, forever radiating a regal air that left no room for questioning.

But Poe, being Poe, still would. He always would.

“Look, I understand more than anyone that Kylo Ren is a bastard but he’s-” he motioned with a grimace in the direction of his unconscious body and the plants around the medbay that were both of his and Rey’s creation. It wasn’t like he liked the guy, far from it, but even he was having difficulty feeling any aggression towards the man at the moment. “We don’t know in what shape he will wake up, or Rey. And…he’s…he’s your son, he’s Rey’s… Don’t you want to-”

“It’s because he is my son that I have to do this,” she interrupted, and Poe fell silent. “The Republic will rise again now that the First Order has fallen. And, as always, it will be a battle of vanities over who’s going to rule on which planet, which new laws should be enforced. And whoever wins will do anything to establish their legitimacy.” She took a deep breath and looked at Ben. “Snoke is dead, and so is General Hux. And if people were to ask for First Order blood, there’s only my son left. And I will not leave his fate in the hands of greedy politicians that are desperate to rise to power.”

“I doubt people will ask for blood,” he commented with one raised eyebrow as he tilted his head towards the Tuanul healers readily fluffing Kylo’s pillow and adjusting his sheet.

Leia let out a chuckle. “This is different. Look around at what they have done to this place. I’m surprised they didn’t build busts in their honor yet.”

Thunder decided to crack at that exact moment and, like magic, droplets started falling from the sky. The children that were playing beside Kylo’s tree shrieked in pure glee and began chasing each other under the rain, sticking their tongues out to catch the drops.

“Seriously?” Poe yelped while massaging his temple, “Of course, the trees brought rain. Kylo Ren now…brought rain to freaking Jakku.”

Leia only smiled at the scene. She watched contently as the kids played and spread joy, catching the villagers’ attention, who then exited their tents and looked at the sky in complete awe.

Both General and Commander didn’t bother covering from the light rain. The absolute happiness the Jakku people displayed at something so simple was too contagious to walk away from. It was nice to celebrate the impossible, to witness a miracle.

Her son and Rey did that.

Poe bit his bottom lip. “No one knows he is Ben Solo, they only know him as Kylo Ren. He could easily just live as Ben Solo now,” he said in a lower voice.

“But they will know.” She raised her eyebrow and looked at him. “I’ll make sure of it.”

When he caught her meaning, the pilot almost choked on his own words, eyes widening like plates. “You can’t. Leia, you can’t. After Vader, if they find out you also have a son in the First Order...if they find out he’s Kylo Ren you…you will lose any chance of being back in the senate or any part of the government- “

“I’m aware of that, Poe. It’s a sacrifice I’ll gladly make,” she looked at the medbay again, “for my son.”

He simply stared at the general, her eyes glistening as she watched her boy in deep thought. Before Poe could ask anything else, she spoke.

“If what you tell me is true, that he was willing to give everything to save me, it’s only fair I return the favor. After years spent working, and don’t get me wrong, it was my pleasure, my calling...but I spent years choosing the rebels, the senate, the resistance…it’s finally time that I choose my son. Not choosing him was my gravest mistake and I won’t repeat it now that I have him back.

“No, we need a trial now, before anyone worries about the politics that are to come and how they can look good in front of their supporters. We need to make it just and clear. And once it’s over, my son will live his life without worrying about his past anymore. He can’t do that running away as Ben Solo, waiting until his other identity is exposed. I want him to be free for once. This is the one thing I was never able to offer him.

“And we can’t have anyone questioning our decisions in the future because they discovered Leia Organa is Kylo Ren’s mother. So, I’m going to tell them, before we start. And I’m going to step away from our trial court, so I won’t be presiding over this trial.”

Leia looked at Poe again. “You will.”

“Me?!” Poe’s voice was so shrill even the kids turned their heads towards them.

“You’re my second in command, aren’t you?” Leia shrugged, so casual she might as well be talking about what they had eaten for lunch.

The pilot’s face reddened and he sputtered, “Yes but-” he swallowed, “He’s Kylo Ren, but he’s your son. I can’t take this responsibility-”

“Why not? You were apprehended and questioned by him, were you not?” she asked.

Poe huffed, dropping his shoulders. “Yes, thank you for remembering but-”

“And you also witnessed his relationship with Rey and his choices that led to the end of the war, did you not?”

At this point he was already massaging his temples. This couldn’t be happening. Leia couldn’t be asking this of him. “Yes,” he muffled.

“So, you’re neutral enough, Poe,” she said in a low voice and he stared at her. “And you won’t be alone. There will be a whole court with loud opinions for you to stress over.”

He sighed, dropping his shoulders as he realized there was no way out of this.

“I’ll trust your decision, whatever it is,” she stated before walking towards her son’s gurney and leaving Poe standing alone in the rain with his thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need to say I didn’t realize there would be so much Poe in this fic, it was lowkey an accident but I’m glad with how things turned out.


	16. Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Sorry this update took longer than expected, i wanted to make sure everything was as perfect as it could be and it took me some time.
> 
> Before we start, lemme say I used some concepts that might be unorthodox but i had them in my heart since I watched TLJ and they were different than grey Jedi and a lot of other things we have around here, so I wanted to do it. Just be patient with me and read until the very end. 
> 
> You’re only allowed to say you’re mad if you read until the very end, okay? Okay.
> 
> As always, I want to thank my friends Sarah (@bergersteen on twitter) and Nicki (@notnicorette on twitter) for helping me so much in this journey, i don’t know how this story would have sounded without their help.
> 
> You can find me on twitter too, if you with to chat, at @Reyllos.

It was a funny thing.

Not feeling the Force anymore.

Even though she would have told you before that the first time the Force was presented to her was when she was nineteen, now she knew it to be a lie.

Around her, everything used to be so charged, vibrant, and full of possibility. Every little being, every rusty object. And despite only finding a name for it at nineteen, truth was, Rey had always sensed this energy surrounding all things.

She only understood that now that she couldn’t feel it anymore.

Now everything around her was small, and solid. In the oddest of ways, things felt unchangeable, irreversible...real. Her thoughts and feelings couldn’t change the universe, and her own body was more stuck to the ground it had ever been.

But, despite this loss, her core had the strangest reaction. Instead of sorrow, there was relief.

As if a mission was accomplished. As if her job was done and her tired body, drained and accustomed to an ever constant sensation of fight or flight, could finally rest.

Even in the dark where her consciousness remained - unaware of the past, the present or the future - she understood that her time of battle was over. Even in the dark, she felt peace. Because she surrendered whatever was necessary to end the bloodshed, and then she surrendered more. Not out of obligation, but because she wanted to. She wanted to…

A million feelings raged through her, all roaring similar notes of anger, fear, and passion. And despite them being senseless still to her soul, she recognized that for the first time in so long, she was allowed to feel them.

She was allowed to feel whatever she wanted to feel, to be whoever she wanted to be, without any concerns, without any rules. Fearless.

Free.

Rey opened her eyes.

The smell in the air was fresh and damp. It was easy to breathe, too easy. Leaves ruffled and birds sang. There was a fabric against her arm, and it was itchy, but still comfortable.

A tree branch hung above her head, part of a much larger tree that was somewhere out of sight. Soft sun rays illuminated her room. Way too soft, her subconscious whispered. As if the scorching heat was being kept away, stocked somewhere outside.

She turned her stiff neck right, taking in the room around her. Other than a turned off rusty droid in one corner, no one else was inside. There were a few leaves on the ground, probably fallen from the trees oddly invading the room. And, from the open tent flap, she saw that outside there were more trees scattered around, as well as people strolling and carrying supplies for the day, stopping every now and then to greet each other.

Something about that scenario was just completely strange. But the girl just couldn’t put her finger on what.

“Rey?”

She whipped her head around to see Finn’s face coming into focus.

His lips curved into a soft smile, but Rey wrinkled her eyebrows. She was on the verge of asking what was happening when shapes of memories came flooding back.

A back hunched in the desert, the Force bleeding out and bringing his life along for the ride. An impulse. No, a carried-out thought, a feeling long coming as she dropped next to him. Giving life to her forsaken planet and relieving him of giving his.

“You’re in the medbay, you’re okay,” Finn said, watching the myriad of expressions on her face.

Rey blinked. In a flash, she remembered what had happened. And that was also when she remembered that she couldn’t care less about herself at that moment.

“Where’s Ben?” Rey blurted out.

Their Bond was numb, dead. His presence wasn’t tangible in the Force anymore as she knew she wouldn’t feel anything else in the Force ever again. For all that Rey knew, her plan backfired. Ben could be alive, or he could-

Finn’s smile fell and dread spread in her veins.

“He’s on trial,” he answered.

Rey held her breath. The moment of relief from the news that Ben was alive lasted little more than an instant before questions flew in her mind. How could Ben already be in court while she was just now waking? She didn’t even know who was judging him and what they could decide on. He had been Supreme Leader until the day they both fell unconscious - they could very well just be deciding to execute him.

Her pulse sped up.

Ever since she got in the middle of that mess, of that war, she had been trying to save Ben Solo; save him from himself, from his darkness. For years she had restlessly tried, and when he finally turned away from it all, it was with a death wish. And then she saved him once, twice, thrice, sacrificing her abilities, her life if she had to - because she would. If seeing Ben nearly dead had taught her anything, it was that she would.

Rey sacrificed it all only to wake up from her unconscious state and find out the Resistance put him on a trial that could very well just end his life.

What was up with the universe not letting her save just this one person?

“He woke up a while before you,” her friend explained in a rush, babbling as he did whenever he got nervous. “They didn’t want to delay it-“

In a flash, Rey sat up and jumped off of her gurney.

“Rey, you just woke up-”

The girl didn’t stick around to hear the reasons she shouldn’t go. She walked out of the medbay and looked at the tents and makeshift constructions in the village. None of them seemed big enough to hold a trial.

Finn joined her outside and placed a hand on her shoulder. “Rey-”

“Where are they, Finn?” she asked, still scanning their surroundings. Rey didn’t see one single familiar face and though she didn’t wish to give in to fear, Ben was somewhere surrounded by Resistance members and she was far away and powerless to help him.

She swallowed hard. “Can you please just tell me where they are? I can’t find them on my own.” Rey blinked a couple times, her eyes blurring as she spoke her pain aloud, “I can’t feel him.”

Finn stopped his protests and wrinkled his forehead as he stared at her. Realization dawned on him and he opened and closed his mouth before stammering, “You...I thought it was only him.”

At that, Rey looked at him and they stared at each other for a moment.

“I thought he was the only one that lost-” Finn continued.

“Can you just take me where they are? Please.” Rey asked.

Despite his objections that she should at least eat something or rest, her friend led her to a small and isolated building farthest from the village. They walked in silence, surprisingly, as Rey tried to rein in the rage rising in her at the situation.

Why couldn’t she get one moment alone to just breathe? Ben had saved the Resistance’s General and countless other lives; he would have died trying to make up for his mistakes if Rey hadn’t interfered. But he was already being charged? Couldn’t they give him a day? Or at least give _her_ a break?

_Force,_ she was tired of the politics.

* * *

 

“How do you plead to all charges?” Poe asked, holding a datapad elegantly with his chin raised and chest puffed.

It still didn’t disguise the fact that his hands were shaking.

Ben, in turn, was pale. It only accentuated the dark circles under his eyes as he looked straight at Leia.

“Guilty,” he answered, deep and unwavering.

His voice resonated in the small room filled with people, bringing forth gasps and whispers from the audience. The murmurs soon became loud arguments and Poe cleared his throat to bring back order.

His struggle, however, was in vain as the creaking double doors of the trial room flung open and heavy steps echoed, silencing the crowd as everyone turned towards the noise.

Ben’s head whipped to the commotion and his eyes widened. Rey’s chest heaved, and she searched the crowd frantically until her gaze landed on him.

For a few seconds, as the others watched, they stared at each other. A beat of…something thrumming between them. A chord vibrating, wrapping around their hearts and lungs in a way only two people could.

With or, in this case, without the Force.

At the shocked expressions that wouldn’t turn away from her, Rey soon realized that she was still barefoot and that her hair was a bedheaded mess. Luckily for her, at least she was dressed in decent clothes. She silently thanked whoever took care of her while she was out of it.

“Rey?” Poe asked, breaking her reverie.

She looked around again, noticing that the pilot was in the middle of the room. To his left side there was a big audience made of people cluttered in small chairs watching either her, Ben or Poe. Leia sat in the front row with Chewie beside her. Both were somewhat close to Ben, who sat behind Poe in a lonely chair against the wall opposite of the door Rey entered. To Poe’s right, there was a smaller group sitting in a single row: Rose, Commander D’Acy, Maz, Connix, and two men Rey didn’t recognize.

“How could you start this trial without me?” Rey asked in a low voice, looking at Poe but then glancing at Leia and Rose.

They, however, only stared back, unable to give her an answer.

“We didn’t think you would be able to join us, Jedi Rey,” Commander D’Acy answered, oblivious to the underlying tension between the girl and her friends. “But you can take your seat,” she continued, pointing at an empty seat beside Rose.

Rey stared at the chair, part of the small and select row of high ranking officers and Resistance allies. She knew what that meant, and her mouth ran before she thought twice about it.

“I can’t,” she said.

She looked up at Poe again, who grimaced and massaged his temples. Rose, Leia, and Chewie all remained quiet while everyone else just watched, confused.

But she couldn’t. She couldn’t be part of that group, she couldn’t be part of the council deciding the charges for that trial.

“Rey,” Ben whispered.

When she looked at him, he was staring back her in the warmest manner she had ever seen, bewitched by her stubbornness and strength.

Still, his jaw was clenched, silently begging her to stop. Almost as if predicting her next move before she knew it herself. Another beat passed as both just stared at each other and the audience waited.

What a messy pair they must have looked like.

Commander D’Acy looked at Poe, hoping he’d ask Rey what she meant. But, as the president of the trial, he only averted his eyes and remained as mute as he had since the beginning of the commotion. So, she carried on.

“And why is that?” she asked the girl.

Rey glanced at her, then back at Ben. “Because of my personal relationship with the defendant.”

A rise of gasps and murmurs echoed. Beside her, Finn, who had followed her into the room, brought his fist to his mouth, pressed his teeth against his knuckles to muffle an exasperated grunt.

Unfazed by the chaos, her eyes were still on the man with whom she used to share a Force Bond. She took in how lifeless and thin he looked, how small he presented himself despite his height. The sheer terror at the possibility of him dying never left her, not even after she gave everything she had so she’d never have to feel it again. And now there she was once more, and Rey was just sick and tired of not getting what she wanted.

There was one thing she could do to sway the hearts of the people on the council and the audience, and prevent any chance of them deciding on an execution. And she wouldn’t hesitate to do it.

She raised her chin and eyed the bewildered council.

“But I’d like to witness in his favor,” she walked towards where they sat. “And I understand that the information I’m going to divulge will incriminate me for I aided and abetted Kylo Ren to achieve his position as Supreme Leader of the First Order. And I have contacted him ever since without communicating that fact to my superiors. So, I’d like to declare beforehand that all charges bestowed upon the defendant should be extended to me.”

Ben’s eyes bulged out of their sockets and the room exploded in loud exclamations and arguments.

But no sound was louder than Maz Kanata’s laughter.

* * *

 

“Have you lost your mind?!”

Rey rolled her eyes. “Calm down, Finn.”

Her friend paced in circles, pulling at his short hair while shaking his head as she sat on a battered bench, watching him. The sun bathed them in gold but a light breeze refreshed them.

Breeze. Rey wanted to laugh at the idea of anything slightly refreshing on Jakku, yet there it was.

Finn and she stayed in the farthest corner of the village, where they were still able to see the building where Ben Solo was being judged. During his maniacal pacing, Finn failed to notice a thick branch sticking out from the ceiling, cracking the cement, and got slammed in the face by it. He looked up and groaned at the plant, slapping it out of his way. The leaves simply ruffled as if mocking him and he continued walking in circles.

“How can I calm down when you tied your fate to…to-“ he grimaced, motioning to the doors that Rey had burst through hours before. Psychopath, murderer? His tongue somehow stumbled on itself with words that would have been so easy to describe Kylo Ren in the past. His eyes twitched.

“Him!” he yelled in conclusion and stopped in front of her. Throwing his hands to his sides, Finn continued, “What if they decide to execute him, Rey? Huh? What then?”

She dropped her head and drew a breath. “They aren’t going to kill me.”

Rey had been the symbol of hope, one of the highest Resistance leaders in a time of need, and the Last Jedi. It was wrong to rely on her public titles to protect her but, _kriff_ , all her work should have at least earned her some leniency. And after everything, after Rey helped to end the war, she wasn’t ashamed of not only expecting it, but also using it in her favor to save Ben.

“You don’t know that,” he said.

“Finn.” She glared at him in hopes he’d bring himself to have a more reasonable grasp of the consequences.

He huffed, straightening his back and placing his hands on his hips. The former Stormtrooper then turned his head and fixed his gaze at a random point on the horizon. His mind was flying a parsec per minute, and he needed time to think before speaking.

“What if they decide he’ll go to jail for the rest of his life?” he faced her again. “What if they decide he should be in exile forever? All of which he deserves, by the way.”

The girl rested her head on her hands. “Finn…” she inhaled deeply and gazed back at her friend. “What I did was wrong. You, of all people, were angry with me and-”

“I wasn’t angry because of what you did, you know that.”

She pursed her lips. “There wouldn’t be any reason for you to explain to me you didn’t care about the Resistance, or the First Order, or any of it, if what I did wasn’t wrong to the Resistance, would there?”

Finn tilted his head, “Rey-”

The former Jedi raised her hands in surrender from where her arms rested on her legs. She then shifted on her seat and sat straight, resting her back on the yellowed wall behind her.

“I know it’s not the same thing, not nearly the same thing that he has done,” Rey bit her bottom lip. “But I let him go. I could have taken him prisoner, but I chose not to. And I know now that he didn’t want to lead the rule of terror as the others before him, but I didn’t know then. I had hope, of course, but it was against all logic, Finn. And all the lives taken after that, no matter how small, are in part my responsibility, too.”

Her friend shook his head. “That’s not how it works. We all make choices when we are in battle.” He understood that better than anyone.

Rey only sagged her shoulders. “Still, I talked to him for years-”

“You put none of us at risk because of it.”

“Doesn’t erase the fact that it’s treason.” She looked at her friend and he groaned, tired of that situation already. “And if I were to tell everyone of all the things that I witnessed, all that would help Ben, they would accuse me of it. They would make me feel ashamed. And I wanted to let them know that I know what I’ve done, and I accept it. And I don’t regret it.”

Finn covered his face with his hand and huffed.

“They won’t kill me, I’m not worried about that.” She pressed her lips in a thin line and clenched her jaw. “I just can’t let them kill him.”

He sighed, tapping his feet on the ground and poking his tongue inside his cheek. He couldn’t believe the number of risks Rey had taken for Kylo Ren, of all people, risks that she continued to take. She had almost died trying to save him; Finn had to watch her unconscious form, worried sick for four days. Yet, when she finally woke up safe, the first thing she did was run straight to danger again. Because of him.

“But he deserves it.” Finn spat, “All of it.”

“I know,” she replied off the bat.

Finn stopped mid-rant, disarmed, and stared at his friend as her vision filled with water. Her eyes, instead of the usual hazel, glistened dark green with unshed tears, reflecting the leaves around them perfectly. Almost as if she was in harmony with them, bound by the Force.

“But it isn’t about deserving.” Rey swallowed hard, willing the tears to retreat. “He can’t even use his abilities anymore, there’s no First Order left, and he regrets his mistakes. Look at what he has done with this place, Finn.” She motioned to their lively surroundings which on any other day would have been nothing but dry and bleak. “What good would executing him do besides getting revenge?”

The greens and yellows around them suddenly burst bright and a bird chirped vigorously. Finn understood little about the Force, but he was sufficiently freaked out that even he could see that it was agreeing with her.

Rey then looked down at her hands. The surrounding colors and sounds dulled as she silently fiddled with her fingers. Then she raised her head again, eyes still glistening.

“We get a lot of things we don’t deserve, good or bad.” She sent him a faltering smile.

Finn crossed his arms in front of his chest then exhaled loudly.

“You’re right,” he stated.

Her eyes widened at his reply and he sat beside her. Finn sent a lopsided smirk at his friend’s surprised expression and hunched over his knees with his arms resting on his thighs.

“I mean, you, for instance, don’t deserve me losing my sanity over your safety while you’d gladly just give it away for kriffing Kylo Ren,” he explained with a laugh.

She chuckled and shook her head. “Actually, I deserved you staying there inside that trial to defend me if you’re so worried. But you decided to get kicked out with me by making an overprotective and unnecessary scene after my testimony-”

“Oy, he made a scene too!” he protested, raising his eyebrows and pointing at the building where the trial was being held.

Rey burst out laughing. “He’s the one being judged, they can’t kick him out.”

Finn shook his head with a smile, in mock indignation, and Rey grinned right back. Then, he sighed and relaxed his shoulders.

“Anyway, even though you obviously don’t deserve it-” he resumed. Rey snorted, but he took one of her hands between his own and looked into her eyes. “-I’m here. Like you were for me when we met and all I wanted to do was run away. But you didn’t give up on me, and I didn’t deserve it.”

Rey shook her head in silent disagreement, but she interlaced their fingers.

Her friend continued, “And I trusted you after you lied about talking to the Supreme Leader of the First Order for not one, but two years.” Her hand went slack as she looked away from him.

But he pulled their joined hands to him, forcing her to stare back at him.

“But I did it. I trust you and I forgave you. And I would do it all over again,” he said, unwavering.

Because maybe he understood. He understood that loving someone came with a cost. Most times it meant throwing away reason and what other people would say or think. It was a leap of faith, and a calculated one at that. Because deciding to love someone meant knowing who they were, and trusting who the two of you were for each other. Loving someone required you to bet on that person harder and louder than you would bet on any of the consequences for loving them.

“So, I know what you mean,” he said, squeezing her hand.

Rey blinked at him. She didn’t expect he would get it that much. It was Finn, so of course he would try to understand it for their friendship’s sake. But she didn’t realize he’d actually…get it.

Relief spread through her and she beamed, squeezing his hand back.

“Of course, your situation with Ben isn’t the same as you and me exactly.” He held his hands up and Rey shot him a confused look. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, Rey, you’re my closest friend. But I have a girlfriend-”

Rey’s mouth hung open. “Finn!” She yelped, smacking his arm as he laughed.

“What?” he smirked, “Weren’t you the one that said I’m your best friend, so I’d see how you feel about him. So, I’d tell you that-”

“Yes. Yes, I said that.” She interrupted him before he nagged her more. “I’m beginning to regret it.”

“And…” he paused. “I also feel obligated to tell you that...after the trial is over we’re supposed to head to Coruscant right away. Leia...stepped away from her duties before the trial started. She told everyone she was Kylo Ren’s mother, and you can’t imagine what kind of reaction she got from that, being Darth Vader’s daughter and all. I mean, you can, considering what you just did-“ he took a breath, trying to control his nervous ranting. “Anyway, what’s left of any semblance of leadership in the New Republic needs all the help it can get to file reports about everything, pick new members for the Senate, rebuild the Senate entirely, actually. More and more endless meetings, really. And-”

“I’m expected to go as well.” she completed for him.

“But you don’t have to.” Finn replied, taking in a deep breath. “If anyone had asked me days ago if you should, I’d ask them what the kriff they were talking about. Because there was absolutely no question that if there was anyone who should be helping to restore the Galaxy, it was you. But now, Rey, I-”

She shook her head, “It’s okay. It’s the least I can do, right? If they don’t arrest me first.”

Her friend didn’t laugh at her dry humor, and instead pressed his lips in a thin line. “Whatever they decide today for Ben,” he used the name deliberately, looking at Rey’s surprised expression and hoping to catch her attention, “He won’t be able to step onto Coruscant, that much we know. And if you go, we’ll be working there for months, years probably. I’m saying this because I...I wouldn’t be able to spend that much time away from Rose.”

“Finn-” she buried her face in her hands, “I can’t even think that far ahead. Can’t we just worry about today’s problems? If Ben comes out of this alive I’ll be more than happy-”

“You won’t, Rey. You won’t.” he interrupted her. “You need to think about this now. This is what I’m trying to tell you. You’ve been choosing us, and the galaxy, and whatever serves the greater good for years. I need you to know we are going to be okay now. And as your best friend, who knows you and loves you, I’m telling you to think about what you want now. I’m not just talking about Ben, though it’s obvious he’s important to you. I’m talking about all the countless reunions and politics waiting on Coruscant. All the things that I know you absolutely hate.”

Rey didn’t have an answer to that and only stared at her hands, and Finn released another breath before his eyes picked up movement ahead of them.

“And if you don’t want to talk about it with me, you’ll at least have to talk about it with someone else.” He motioned with his head to a point in front of them.

Rey furrowed her eyebrows before looking at what had caught his attention. When she did, her heart leapt into her throat. People were exiting the trial room.

It was over.

Her eyes scanned the emerging crowd and her chest heaved. She needed to find out where Ben was - if they were escorting him to a prison cell or worse -

She quickly stood up, on her tiptoes, hoping to find a different answer.

A tiny black-haired mechanic stood out from the crowd, making her way to them with a smile on her face. Her expression was so dissonant from the icy fear in Rey that the former Jedi could barely compute it.

Rose stood in front of her and Finn, who had moved to stand beside his friend.

“Well?” Finn asked.

“Well, for starters, we obviously ignored Rey’s request to convict her.” She raised her eyebrows at the girl who all but dismissed the seemingly good news and instead urged Rose to keep going. “As for Kylo…there’s no denying that he committed despicable crimes, but as our witnesses stated,” she stared at Rey again and continued, “Kylo Ren sacrificed a lot to end the war and the First Order, thereby saving many lives. And not to mention the number of Jakku villagers and our own Jedi, former Jedi, testifying in his favor. And we also considered he won’t be as much of a threat since Maz confirmed he and...you don’t seem to-” she scratched her head, “-have Force sensitivity anymore.”

Rose cleared her throat, figuring Rey would be uncomfortable with that fact, but the girl only nodded.

“So, Poe and the council decided on banishment,” Rose said, and at Finn and Rey’s confused expressions she continued, “He’s free to live in the Outer Rim as he pleases, but he’s forbidden to enter anywhere in the Inner Rim, except for Jakku.”

Rey tried to process that information while Finn let out a breath, despite declaring moments earlier that death was just what Kylo Ren deserved.

“Jakku?” he asked, wrinkling his forehead.

Rose shrugged, pointing at the tree branch above them to make a point. “We thought it was only fair.”

Before Rey opened her mouth to formulate the next question, Rose predicted it.

The girl looked at the makeshift courtroom. “He’s still inside, they are-”

Then Rey was running.

“-implanting a tracker.” Rose finished slowly to the empty space where Rey had been standing seconds before, then turned around to watch the girl racing towards the building where Kylo Ren was.

Finn only shook his head and laughed.

* * *

 

Her feet hit the floor more desperately with each step, making such an impact that her entire body shook. Rebels and villagers made way for her to pass as she rushed, wild eyed, towards her goal. She lurched into the room where she had been only hours ago, her rapid breathing and loud stomping catching the attention of the only people left inside.

She paused at the threshold, throat closing at the sight of Ben alive and well. He had his arm raised, sleeve to the elbow as Poe held his forearm, preparing to insert the tracker while Leia watched them. All three stopped their motions to turn their heads at the intruder.

Then Ben’s eyes were on her, as soft and vulnerable as they had been countless times before. Rey let out a sob before running again until she crashed into his chest.

Leia gasped and Poe released a “Whoa.” Ben stiffened for half a second before wrapping his arms around her, holding her with so much strength it lifted her from the ground.

Rey raised her head from where it rested on his torso to look at him.

“What were you thinking?” he asked before she spoke, his eyes scanning her face as his grip tightened around her back. “Rey, what if they sent you on trial because of me?”

She scoffed and shook her head, tears falling from her chin at the motion. “That’s rich. What were you thinking, Ben?” She glared at him. “You could have died.”

He clenched his jaw. This time she wasn’t talking about the trial, and his answer came almost as if straight from Finn’s mind, “It’s nothing more than what I deserve.”

At that Rey got so angry she untangled herself from him, her feet coming back to the ground as her arms crossed in front of her chest.

He continued, “You shouldn’t have risked yourself to save me, and you shouldn’t have given up your abilities either-”

“I did just fine without my abilities for nineteen years!” Rey raised her hands in the air.

_But I didn’t do just fine without you_ , her mind completed.

A thought so loud Ben would normally hear it from planets and galaxies away. Except now he couldn’t. So, they just started at each other, riled up, because she couldn’t even begin to explain why she was so frustrated with him.

Rey knew that if her abilities had awakened earlier in her life on Jakku, it would have been easier to find the components she needed, get the food she lacked, and fight off scavengers that were bigger and stronger than her. But she also knew, at the moment she saw Ben Solo’s life slipping away from the tips of his fingers, that her powers would never comfort her in a world without him.

The choice between keeping them or keeping Ben was as easy as breathing, as obvious as her own name. There was no question, not one doubt in her mind about which she’d keep, which she’d gladly bleed for.

And perhaps the Force knew all along that it was meant to be.

It was only fate that allowed Ben and Rey to meet. A nobody, dragged from her bank of sand and the person who held the most titles in the Galaxy. Son, Nephew, Padawan, Prince. He was never supposed to fall, but he did. She should never have been important, but she was.

They, not anybody else, were the last remains of the Jedi because the Force willed it. They were the ones with the war in their hands, because the Force willed it.

But the loneliest people in the universe would never crave for blood or battles, they would crave each other. And if they were to ever end a war it wouldn’t be fighting, but together.

Two enemies who would rather surrender to one another than to secure a victory for their sides. That was how it was always supposed to be.

And when their job was over, and they renounced all that they had in the name of closure and affection; when their time with the Force was done, it wasn’t the end. Rey supposed it was a strike of mercy, for the scavenger and the fallen Jedi lost too much too fast in their youth. And it was only fair that now they could finally start living.

“Erm…we should implant this already so we can go on with our day while you kids can continue talking without an audience,” Poe said while raising his eyebrows until they were at his hairline.

The two people in question snapped their heads to him, flustered and surprised at remembering they had an audience to begin with.

As Rey and Ben looked away from each other, one more crimson than the other, and Poe resumed implanting the tracker in the former Supreme Leader of the First Order, Leia took one step closer to them.

“Once the Commander is done, I would like a moment to speak with you,” she said looking at the side of her son’s face.

For the second time that day, for the second time in that decade, Ben then looked straight into his mother’s eyes. Fear and hesitation were reflected in his brown irises, an open book as he had always been since he was a little boy.

But still, he nodded.

* * *

 

The Resistance’s makeshift base on Jakku was buzzing with laughter and activity. All around it, rebels were packing their things and getting ready to go back home or wherever their hearts desired. The Last Jedi and the Supreme Leader had woken up, the trial was over, the war had ended, and there was nothing but a blank canvas ahead for everyone.

Leia watched them with a smile on her face. There would still be a lot of work to do and many decisions to make for the Galaxy, but for that day they would rest and allow themselves to contemplate a brighter future.

“I believe I owe you an apology.”

Ben’s breath hitched upon the sudden words that left his mother’s lips. Once he confirmed that indeed it wasn’t his imagination, he turned to her, unable to respond.

Leia looked at him from the corner of her eye and then faced him with a warm smile on her face despite her son’s clear distress.

“I’ve spent years worrying about the Galaxy and my role in it, and I neglected the person who needed me the most: my son,” she said.

Ben raised his hand before she continued, begging her to stop. He couldn’t listen to one more second of that and he couldn’t waste any more time trying to find better words for the things he had to say.

“I’ve committed crimes I don’t even attempt to apologize for; I won’t offend you by pretending they are forgivable. And I believe I’ve done enough in a lifetime to be undeserving to hear any apology from you, no matter the reason,” he stared at his hands, still feeling like a coward. But, at least, he was one without a mask. “I’m also undeserving of that title.”

At the soft noise of a sob, he looked up to see Leia with tear-filled eyes. They stared at each other for a moment, but her smile never faltered.

“Do you know what I told your father before he went after you?”

Ben dropped his head again as his chest ached more than he could bear. He might as well have had just received a lightsaber to the heart himself.

“I told him to bring you home,” she said. As Ben held a hand over his eyes in a weak attempt to calm the wave of emotion that overcame him, she continued. “I knew you would come back home for him. He knew it too, Ben.”

His shoulders shook as he weeped. And when Leia took a few steps towards him, Ben looked up again, tears now lingering in the eyes of both mother and son.

“So, can you please try to be happy this time? It’s all I need you to give me in return. And all your father would ask of you, I’m sure of it.” She placed her hand above his scar, cupping his face like Han Solo did a million years ago, when Ben Solo was in a different place, and a different person. “I know the burden you carry is heavy, but I’ll never leave you alone with it again. And don’t be mistaken, no matter your past, you will always be _my son_.”

His teas tracked downwards, meeting her hand as she held his cheek. How to reply to the unrepliable? Before he tried, Poe distractedly called Leia from where he stood near the Falcon. They had finishing packing their things and were getting ready to leave Jakku.

The General wiped her eyes, stepping away from Ben and motioning with her head for him to follow her. Ben walked behind her, observing as Poe, Finn, and Chewie carried a few crates into his father’s ship – which, of course, had miraculously survived its crashing four days prior.

Ben then looked around at the village, that planet, and the absolute mess he had brought upon that civilization.

For the first time since he had woken up, welcomed by his teary mother who all but dragged him to a courtroom with the utmost urgency, he was able to contemplate what he had done before all the lights went out. To his surprise, despite the fallen tents and cracked foundations, a few of the villagers stared back at him and waved, happily.

Ben blinked. It wasn’t the first time the Tuanul villagers had the strangest of reactions to him. A few of them had begged to testify in his favor before he went on trial.

In his favor…he wasn’t even sure that was possible, and it happened twice in the same day.

His hand itched, and before he knew it, he was waving back ever so slightly. He received smiles in return before those Jakku residents carried on with their lives, heading for their tent with a sewing kit in one arm and a basket filled with fruits in the other.

He then looked ahead again, spotting Rey by the Falcon’s ramp as she talked animatedly to that spunky little woman he met on the _Finalizer_.

“I need to stop on Coruscant for a couple of weeks, but right after that I will help you- “Leia explained as they got closer to the freighter.

Ben shook his head. “There’s no need for that.”

The General turned around, a ghost of the Solo-induced exasperation showing in her expression as she prepared to explain that yes, she would help him settle down whether he liked it or not.

“I’m going to stay,” he said, making that decision as he declared it. As she raised her eyebrow, Ben looked at their surroundings and then back at her, “Jakku and I have a lot to figure out about our futures. So, I’m going to stay.”

Leia glanced at Tuanul as well, at the sight of chaos and joy that accompanied them in the last days. Smiling in understanding, she turned back to him and nodded.

“I will visit you, then, whenever I can. Are you okay with that?” she said.

Ben swallowed hard, still getting used to whatever relationship he had with his mother now.

“Yes,” he answered.

Loud growling filled the air as both realized Chewie had been near and listening to their conversation. As Ben was still trying to understand the words his uncle had said, the Wookiee strode towards them and locked him in an embrace. Finn, Rose, Poe, and Rey, who watched the former Supreme Leader being nearly crushed by Chewbacca, remaining completely still in the Wookiee’s arms, inevitably laughed at the scene.

The younger Solo’s feet left the ground and he saw nothing but a sea of fur, but still he was able to make out when Chewie told him he would come to visit, too. By the time Ben was slowly but surely placing his arms around the Wookiee, Leia approached them and put her arms around both.

After a few seconds, Chewie released Ben, who avoided his uncle’s eyes at all costs. But he patted Ben’s head before the man could run away from this extremely nostalgic moment. His best friend’s son then looked at him and nodded curtly, acknowledging his promise.

Leia and Chewie then exchanged a look before heading to the Falcon so they could get on their way to Coruscant. As Poe, Finn, and Rose followed them, Ben’s eyes focused on the one person who should also be on her way with them, to start a new life and a new Galaxy.

The one he still had to say goodbye to.

Rey didn’t move from her spot. Her friends walked past her, glancing at the girl and offering small smiles. Once they were all behind her and Ben was all she could see, her legs still wouldn’t budge.

He pursed his lips before taking a decisive breath and marching towards her. At each step of his, her heart thudded harder against her ribcage, until he was towering over her and there was nothing but mayhem inside.

There, enveloped by his shadow, her vocal chords tightened. Because, suddenly, after two long years together, they were out of time. He was going to stay, and she was going to go, and she still hadn‘t figured out how to put in words all the things he needed to hear.

Ben, however, didn’t seem to be waiting for any explanations from her. He was transfixed by Rey, captivated at how she looked at him. Almost as if that was all the answer he needed, almost as if that was enough to last him a lifetime.

He watched as a strand of brown hair blew in front of her face, and how Rey didn’t move to fix it. She bit on her lip, probably indecisive about what to say after everything they went through. But Ben gathered that it was the end, and there was nothing left to say except the truth.

“I love you, Rey” he said.

Just like that, crumbling empires and shattering wars.

“And just like everyone I ever loved-” he glanced up where Rey guessed Leia and Chewie would be, watching them. Ben then looked back at her, “I brought you nothing but pain.”

Rey let out a shuddering breath as tears spilled from her eyes. He took a step closer and placed a hand on her cheek.

“The only thing I will ever be able to give you is your freedom.” The corner of his mouth lifted slightly, and he grazed his thumb over her skin. “ You don’t have to fight in a war that isn’t yours, or return to this planet ever again. You finally get to choose what you want to do from now on. And I hope you go after everything you want. It’s the least you deserve.”

“You didn’t,” Rey was able to finally croak out.

He furrowed his eyebrows, and she shook her head.

“You didn’t only bring me pain,” she explained.

Ben blinked and opened his mouth in an adorable display of confusion before Rey grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him in for a kiss.

When she did, Rey fleetingly wished she had thought it through. Because once she discovered what Ben’s lips tasted like, she wasn’t sure she could ever stop.

The former Jedi was soon distracted from her worries as Ben’s hand slid from her face to her hair. Her pulse beat loudly against her eardrums and when he bit her bottom lip, a gasp escaped her mouth before she clung to his shirt for dear life. Rey then placed her other hand on his back, clawing at his shoulder blades as Ben pulled her by the waist because she wasn’t close enough. She would never be close enough.

And perhaps it was scandalous, to kiss each other like this in broad daylight. To allow the entire world to see.

And perhaps it was just what it was. Let the world know that the Last Jedi and the Jedi Killer were in love.

When, and only when, the tips of her aching toes couldn’t support her anymore, and their tired lungs begged for release, did Ben and Rey let go of each other. He closed his eyes, drew a breath, then rested his forehead against hers, taking in the moment that would never return.

“Goodbye, Rey,” he whispered.

“Goodbye, Ben,” her broken voice answered.

He looked at her one last time before turning around and walking away. She watched him leave until Ben Solo was a mere black dot on the horizon.

* * *

 

It was a funny thing, not wielding the Force anymore.

Part of him thought it would feel like a child being scolded, sentenced to sit in the corner and watch all their friends have fun as they were only allowed to stay still and think about their mistakes. Another part, the rational one, thought of the stories about Jedi that cut themselves off from the Force. How terrible it was, how dull, how unnatural, how painful.

But Ben felt none of these things.

He knew the Force existed, and how it was around all beings.

And that was enough.

For the first time in his life, he didn’t have to do anything about it. He didn’t have to be the kind of person who would have to understand it or solve it or control it. All that was left to do was let go and let the Force be. All he had to do was be Ben Solo, and Ben Solo only.

And that was enough.

The trees surrounding him ruffled conspicuously, almost as if they read his mind, or knew him as well as his own body. And they were a creation of his own hands, so that wouldn’t be so far from the truth. Or maybe they were Rey’s.

Still not that far from the truth.

Ben smiled at the memory of her. He was at peace knowing that the scavenger girl could finally create a life of her own without anyone else’s interference. It would also be enough for him to live his life content with that information. Catching glances of the hues of her eyes whenever he stared at all the green they brought to her native planet. It would be enough, he told himself, it would be enough if that was the only thing he had left of her for the rest of his years.

Ben stopped walking and leaned on a trunk to catch his breath, despite being used to walking for hours and hours without a break. Despite having trained every day since he was twenty-three. Despite being able to spend days battling with no food or rest.

Maybe it would take a bit longer getting used to not seeing Rey anymore.

He then inhaled and moved forward, reminding himself he had something else of hers he needed to see. So he strode along the line where sand met vegetation, following a path he had seen once in a dream, in a nightmare.

The day was almost ending when he arrived at his destination.

He opened the old AT-AT door and paused. Ben knew with absolute certainty he had never set foot in that makeshift home before. Yet when he looked at the poorly arranged tables, at the dust and sand on every surface, and at a bent bell on the floor; it was as if he had known that place all his life.

After years without an owner, that little house was completely deserted, and apparently had even been looted as well. There was a vase cracked on the ground, surrounded by old, fallen petals. The makeshift tables and chairs were tumbled, and some even cracked. But it was still unmistakably the right place.

He then entered the room, his feet dressed in black, a complete contrast to the desert environment. A few leaves accompanied him into the AT-AT, flying with the wind as a subtle reminder that everything had changed. The air stagnated, its sand particles suspended, holding its breath and awaiting his next movements.

Ben then looked up, knowing where his legs had taken him. A dark wall covered in markings from start to finish was in front of him. A sea of solitude. Years, and years of gloomy and hopeless days.

His hand rose, naked, and rested over the scratches. Even with his long fingers and large palm, it was still small before the vastness of days that Rey passed alone and abandoned. When a wave of tears clogged his throat, Ben just swallowed it down.

_Never again_. There would never be another marking on that wall. If Ben had done anything good in his life, it was to ensure that the war was over, his mother was saved, and that Rey would never be alone again.

His fingers pressed against the wall as he took a deep breath. Ben knew it would not be the same for him. That the kid who had grown up neglected because of his parents’ fear and responsibilities would still have solitude as company.

Despite his mother and uncle’s welcomed care, Ben knew he would still spend most of his time alone. As only a criminal, a murderer would. Alone, as only someone who had lost the person that understood them the most would feel.

But it was his choice, his fortune. And the isolation no longer mattered, for he had come out of this war with far more than he deserved. He got to keep his life, for starters. And for the first time since he was a child, he would finally sleep at night. And now, also for the first time, he had peace.

Peace knowing his mother was safe, and that Rey was happy. Peace knowing he had done something for those he had hurt so much in the past. He had given up his powers for Jakku, and he would have given up more if it meant righting even a portion of his wrongs.

So, despite living on a forgotten planet, completely out of tune with the Force, he would learn to be content in his loneliness, he would learn to be content without her. It was the least he could do.

And, truly, his senses were so deadened that he didn’t notice when someone came into the room behind him. Not even when, slowly and lightly, they approached him. It was only when a small hand rested over his on the wall, a thin arm paralleling his, that he realized he wasn’t alone.

Ben spun around at once.

“You’re here…of course, I knew you’d be here,” she said.

Her irises reflected the little sunlight that got into the room through the cracks on the metal. They held an ocean of sentiment, but she laughed lightly despite her overflowing emotions.

“Rey.” His eyes widened. “What are you doing here?”

“What are you doing here?” she raised an eyebrow.

“I-” he swallowed hard, “I remembered, from-”

“My memories,” she completed for him. And when he kept looking at her, utterly confused, she explained. “I told everyone I’d get the same sentence as you so-”

She lifted her arm. There was a small and clean bruise on her forearm, on the same spot where Ben’s tracker was on his. She chuckled at their shared fates, but it only made Ben more distressed, which prompted Rey to put her arm down and take a deep breath.

“You told me to get everything I wanted. So, I’m here. Doing that,” she said.

Before Ben could begin to reply, Rey was kissing him again and crashing them both against the wall. His mind went blank, all thoughts and objections mixing and turning to vapor at the touch of her lips. Her hand grasped his hair, tugging on it and making his heart nearly burst out of his chest. Out of instinct, his hands found their way to her thighs, hoisting her up so she could wrap her legs around his waist.

“To the left,” Rey said breathlessly in between open-mouthed kisses.

“MWhat?” Ben mumbled before kissing her again.

She captured his upper lip in her mouth, and he lost what the Force he was talking about before she mumbled, “There’s a counter-” another kiss “-to the left.” Another kiss again.

He did as asked, stumbling in a daze of feverish kisses and loud breaths. He was pretty sure there was something he needed to say, if only he could remember his own name.

Ben placed her on a surface he hoped was the counter, too entranced to look down and confirm it when he could wrap his arms around Rey and bring her closer instead.

By the time Rey’s lips found his neck, however, an electric shock ran from head to toe, shaking him enough to remember he had to stop.

“Wait, wait-” he said, holding her shoulders to keep some distance between them, afraid of the near mystical powers they held over each other. He took a deep breath, hoping to get some fresh air to clear his thoughts.

Rey, in turn, pouted.

Adorably.

He shook his head then cupped her face in his hands, willing every cell in his body to ignore her disheveled looks and swollen lips, still pouting at being interrupted.

“Rey-” he inhaled, “ _Sweetheart_ , I know this is what you think you want-”

“Ben-”

“Can I just say this, please?” he asked, and she halted her reply before nodding. “I know this is what you think you want. But there’s an entire world out there, things you want to do, people you want to meet, places you should see. Rey, you lived your entire life here.” His eyes bored into hers as his voice grew quiet, “And there are about a million things in the Galaxy better than me.”

“Ben.” She paused, now being the one to place her hands on his cheeks. She closed her eyes briefly, letting out a chuckle as a smirk graced her features. “ _Sweetheart_ , when will you stop telling me I don’t understand?”

He nearly choked on his own tongue in a rush to get the explanations out as he remembered the last time they had argued over this, but Rey placed a finger over his lips so he’d save it.

“No, now you understand.” She removed her finger from his lips when she was sure he would listen. “I have traveled to more planets I’m comfortable with in the last two years, I saw forests and mountains, deserts and oceans. I felt a star die. I have met who knows how many people in these years with the Resistance. People that would stalk me around because I was a Jedi; people that looked down on me because I’m just a scavenger. And I made dozens of friends, and a few enemies too. I met a lot of colleagues, who forced me into countless and countless meetings.” She sighed. “I was the Last Jedi. I trained with kriffing Luke Skywalker, I actually fought Luke Skywalker, and I fought Kylo Ren and won. Twice.”

At that Ben opened his mouth to protest, and she placed her fingers over his lips again.

“You know it’s true,” Rey commented, and they both chuckled before she stared into his eyes again, “My point is, I know what is out there, better than most. And I know what is in here. This is my home, and I might have hated it for nineteen years, but it has changed because of me. And I want to be able to see it, to help. And if you or I ever grow tired of it then we find a place in the Outer Rim, any place, and we go from there, together. Because I can train, I can scavenge, I can fly and fix ships and do all the things I love anywhere. But since we don’t have our Bond anymore, there’s this small inconvenience that if I want to be with you, I actually have to be where you are. Because that is what I want, in case you didn’t notice. I want to be where you are. Of all the millions of places in the Galaxy, I choose to be where you are. You know why, you have always known.”

He averted his eyes, but she kept staring at the side of his face, waiting for him.

“I confronted your uncle, I lied to my friends, I gave away all my abilities freely and I would do it again.” She said, “Ben, I turned your grandfather’s lightsaber purple. You know why. Say it.”

Ben still wouldn’t face her, the only movement between them being the slight lift of the corner of Rey’s lips as she teased him with his own words. Rey kept looking at him, never tired of watching the way his hair would fall on his face when he avoided a conversation, or his tensed jaw, or his nose, or his lips, or anything and everything that belonged to Ben Solo.

“Say it,” she repeated softly, and he finally looked at her.

They stared at each other, suspended in the silence and the truths they had known for way too long and avoided just as much. She knew he wouldn’t say it, he would rather spend the entire day proving she should be out there, living her life. When the simple truth was that she wanted to live her life with him.

“My heart is yours,” she said, and he caught his breath. “It has been yours even before I got the courage to admit it, and it will always be yours.”

The man who once called himself Kylo Ren stood there, frozen, as she waited for him again.

She sighed. “Now, if you would just stop fighting me and take it-”

Ben’s lips were on hers before she could finish, as he pulled her by the thighs again, bringing her as glued to him as she had been before. Rey smiled against his mouth and wrapped her arms around him. And the rest was history.

* * *

 

“So…how many kids do you think they’re gonna have?”

“Poe!” Rose yelled, scandalized.

“What?” the pilot replied, looking over at his friend who was beside Finn. The Falcon passengers watched Rey’s retreating back from where they stood at the top of the boarding ramp.

Poe continued, “Were you not here when Rey started crying, begging me to insert the blasted tracker because, and I quote ‘I love him, Poe, please, I love him, I can’t go’-”

Chewie growled from Poe’s right side, prompting the man to look up at him.

“What? My Rey impression is great, down to the accent.” He crossed his arms in front of his chest and sighed as the Wookiee roared again. “Two? Only two kids? No way, at least three.”

“Can we stop talking about this, please?” Rose begged, half covering her face and half watching her friend in question run further and further away towards the horizon.

“Four,” Finn declared, leaning against the metal wall as he also watched Rey go.

“Finn!” Rose exclaimed.

“What?” He turned to his girlfriend, “Did you not see those two before Kylo left? Cause that’s an image I won’t-” he closed and opened his mouth repeatedly, unable to explain in words.

“Yes, but Rey isn’t staying just because of that. She will help the villagers, because now they need to re-establish their lives. And she’s going to keep working as a mechanic because she loves it so much,” she said.

“And?” Finn asked.

“And help children or adults that might be Force sensitive because even though she doesn’t have her abilities anymore she knows what it’s like. She trained with Luke, she knows better than anyone…you know?” she looked to her friends around her.

“And?” Poe asked

She sighed and stared again at Rey’s disappearing form. “And four.”

Finn raised his fist in victory and Rose rolled her eyes despite the traitorous smile growing on her face.

That is, until the former Stormtrooper’s expression fell.

“Wait, wait a minute.” He lifted his index finger in the air, “they don’t have…you know…the Force anymore. So, if they ever do have kids that means their kids also…won’t have it, right? The Skywalkers…they, they are over right? We aren’t about to have I don’t know how many of them running around in the Galaxy turning into Darth Vaders or Ahch-to hermits or-”

“Oh no no no, I don’t like this.” Poe’s eyes widened and he shook his head as Rose grimaced.

“But it won’t happen, right?” Rose whispered

“Right. Right, Leia?” Poe asked and everyone looked at the one person who had been quiet during the entire conversation.

Leia didn’t answer, she only stared at the former Jedi’s back with a growing smirk on her lips. Then, she turned to Chewie.

“Can we make a quick stop on Naboo before we get to our destination? There are a few things I need to grab there,” she asked before turning around and walking into the Falcon.

The Wookiee nodded and followed her.

“No, no, no. Get back here!” Finn exclaimed as he and Rose followed the General inside, “Leia, erm, General, I mean, ex-General, will they have the Force too? Leia-”

Poe exhaled while looking at the horizon, BB-8 soon rolled to his side beeping enthusiastically.

“A good feeling?” Poe asked, then looked at Rey’s form one more time until she disappeared completely from his vision.

A smile then colored the pilot’s lips. “Me too, buddy. Me too.”

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I was able to fool a total of 0 people when Ben and Rey parted but just in case I did fool someone and you cursed me and all my family generations, please apologize to my parents and my grandparents, they raised me well.
> 
> All jokes aside, this was an amazing ride, probably my biggest fanfic so far. I hope you all enjoyed it, thank you for reading it and commenting and being amazing!


End file.
